By Chris Wright
With the Community Shield done and dusted and Manchester City already a trophy up on everyone else, you know it’s getting close – there’s ripples in the jelly and velociraptor breath condensing on the kitchen doors.
Not that football ever actually goes away these days, but the new Premier League season is almost upon us – basically, you’ve got five days to say your goodbyes to your loved ones and family, source your cheap football shirts and re-calibrate your arse indentation on the settee.
So, without further ado, we simply must make our famously lousy predictions for 2012/13. Once more into the breach we go dear friends…
1. Man City to walk the title: In relative terms of course. Being as though they won it by the breadth of a gnat’s danglies last year, we reckon City are on course to open up a chasm between themselves and whoever washes up in second this season. Dare we be so bold and predict that there may be as much as three or four whole points in it.
2. Top four will be: Man City, Man Utd, Arsenal, Chelsea – in that order. Same old, same old. Slightly lower down in the rankings, we reckon Liverpool will get their scheiβe together and finish sixth behind Tottenham.
3. Sergio Aguero to finish top scorer: With RVP all jumbled up and unlikely to reach the peaks of 2011/12 and Wayne Rooney’s well always likely to run dry for eight months at a time, we envisage Carlos Tevez and Sergio Aguero running amok in the scorer’s charts – with Kun sailing toward the 30-goal mark.
4. Fernando Torres to get back in the saddle: We know we made this exact same prediction last season , but we’re sticking with it. Being as though the imposing presence of The Drog is out of the way and with a place at the apex of Chelsea’s attack almost guaranteed by default, we think Torres is due the kind of goal tally that will hopefully put a few fingers on lips. Again.
5. First ‘managerial casualty’ will be: Got a feeling in our waters