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10 Bold Predictions For The 2012/13 Premier League Season

By Chris Wright

With the Community Shield done and dusted and Manchester City already a trophy up on everyone else, you know it’s getting close – there’s ripples in the jelly and velociraptor breath condensing on the kitchen doors.

Not that football ever actually goes away these days, but the new Premier League season is almost upon us – basically, you’ve got five days to say your goodbyes to your loved ones and family, source your cheap football shirts and re-calibrate your arse indentation on the settee.

So, without further ado, we simply must make our famously lousy predictions for 2012/13. Once more into the breach we go dear friends…

1. Man City to walk the title: In relative terms of course. Being as though they won it by the breadth of a gnat’s danglies last year, we reckon City are on course to open up a chasm between themselves and whoever washes up in second this season. Dare we be so bold and predict that there may be as much as three or four whole points in it.

2. Top four will be: Man City, Man Utd, Arsenal, Chelsea – in that order. Same old, same old. Slightly lower down in the rankings, we reckon Liverpool will get their scheiβe together and finish sixth behind Tottenham.

3. Sergio Aguero to finish top scorer: With RVP all jumbled up and unlikely to reach the peaks of 2011/12 and Wayne Rooney’s well always likely to run dry for eight months at a time, we envisage Carlos Tevez and Sergio Aguero running amok in the scorer’s charts – with Kun sailing toward the 30-goal mark.

4. Fernando Torres to get back in the saddle: We know we made this exact same prediction last season, but we’re sticking with it. Being as though the imposing presence of The Drog is out of the way and with a place at the apex of Chelsea’s attack almost guaranteed by default, we think Torres is due the kind of goal tally that will hopefully put a few fingers on lips. Again.

5. First ‘managerial casualty’ will be: Got a feeling in our waters that it’ll be Steve Clarke at West Brom, though we suspect that he’ll probably have his services retained as an assistant/coach when Alex McLeish is appointed and ticks off another club on his strange pilgrimage around the West Midlands.

6. Mladen Petric to be a decent Dream Team pick: Not that we wish to toot our own horns (who else is going to?) but starting with a flukey gamble on Amr Zaki back in 2008/09, Pies have maintained a fairly good record of rooting out a cut-price striker who hits the ground running and bundles home a clutch of early goals. This year we’re picking Fulham freebie Petric; an underrated poacher who’s just obscure enough not to command a silly price tag in the Dream Team stakes.

7. Newcastle to struggle to match 2011/12: Let’s face it: Newcastle were great last season, and have somehow managed to retain the players that made them great largely thanks to contract clauses aplenty. However, it’s little more than a hunch, but we just have a sneaking suspicion that a better-than-expected Europa League run may cost them on the domestic front. They’ll still bob around in the top half of the table, but without nearky as much pizzazz as last year.

8. Southampton to ‘do a Hull/Blackpool’ divebomb act: Come screaming out the blocks, top three until October, 12th by Christmas and relegated by goal difference on the last day of the season, going down in a blaze of glory. One thing we’ll tell you right here and now: While many are touting Ricky Lambert for a ‘Grant Holt’-style season; battering the ever-lovin’ plop out of Premier League defenders and keeping the Saints afloat with his goals – we’d advise a bit of caution. He may have scored shed loads in the Championship but he’s not nearly as dynamic as Holt, and that really is saying something.

9. Eden Hazard to flop like a paralysed trout: Have Chelsea have paid through the nose for a trendy name and a few Youtube step-overs? No, not really – Hazard’s an enticing young scamp – but the fact that the clamour for his signature (at that price) was barely audible is telling. He’s just not *that* good – not yet, at least. To keep going with the fish metaphor, Hazard was a grande poisson in a small pond at Lille. Being a £32 million tiddler at Stamford Bridge may take a bit of getting used to for him.

10. The three going down will be: Southampton, Norwich and Wigan. Yep, 2012/13 will finally be the year that Roberto Martinez’s luck runs out. You heard it here first.

So, there you go my good people. Any fearless predictions of your own you’d care to share with the group? Fire away…

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By Chris on August 13th, 2012 in Betting & predictions, Featured, Photos, Top 10s & lists. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
comments

31 Responses to “10 Bold Predictions For The 2012/13 Premier League Season”

  1. michael says:

    Wigan will survive. they always do. I reckon west brom or swansea to go down instead. Just because they have lost top quality managers and swansea have lost their three best players in allen and caulker and sigurdsson.

    I do agree with torres coming good and watch out for Reading as this seasons underdog.

    Petric wont score shed maybe 10 at the most. Best signing so far…. Diarra-west ham

  2. mooks says:

    West Brom has been silently successful in the transfer market this year. Reckon we could see some surprises from Steve Clarke and his boys. My money instead is on AVB

    • Chris says:

      @mooks: Good shout there Mooksy old boy. What are the odds on AVB pulling off an exact replica of last season’s debacle?

  3. EddieH says:

    As it looks right now. My beloved Hammers will struggle bad. I’m smelling relegationbattle. And it hurts me, deep inside.

  4. Mr. Chopper says:

    Heard it hear?

  5. Anonymous says:

    I could agree with all apart from Clarke going first. Surely Big Sam with the crowd on his back could go fairly swiftly if the Hammers have a bad start.

  6. IrishKop says:

    I reckon Liverpool will finish in the top 4 at the peril of Arsenal with Chelski possibly winning the league. I do agree with the Torres statement, he’ll come good once again (unfortunately).

    Plus I took the Petric advise, if he’s brutal I’m coming back.. ha

  7. Davy says:

    Nearky as much pizzazz?? But I do fear Newcastle’s season will not be as good as the last but I hope you and I am wrong….Excited as fook for the season though \o/

  8. Cal says:

    Hull lasted two seasons in the Premier League. Stayed up on the last day, but still… Burnley did the same as Blackpool and went down after a great start.

  9. Irshaad says:

    Chris oh Chris oh Chris Manchester City Taking The Title Again? I Think Not… Once again it’s going to be a Two Horse Race for The Title against Manchester United and Manchester City and you can possibly throw in a third team to challenge from either Tottenham, Chelsea and Arsenal… Be sure to watch Sparky’s QPR this Season for it seems as they building a quite decent team together with a mixture of Youth and Experince… Top 5 Goalscorer’s this Season will be Aguero, Rooney, Tevez, Suarez and Torres in no specific order…

    Those of you who have a Fantasy Side on The Barclays Premier League Website feel free to join My Two Leagues here are the two codes
    79687-25986 and 79687-26052

  10. squiggle says:

    A top four of Man City, Man Utd, Arsenal, Chelsea sounds right (although I hope Arsenal are a place or two higher) and I think/hope you’re right about Torres and wrong about Newcastle.

    And I don’t think Hazard will be a flop. Ligue 1 is very underrated and having both Manchester clubs and Chelsea (PSG? Real Madrid?) fighting over you is a pretty big clamour.

  11. James says:

    Hope you’re wrong about Southampton. We’ve bought a couple of decent players tho and Lambert always seems to step up to the challenge. Still….

  12. Mr Sensible says:

    Of all the teams that have gone up I’d say Saints are the best, got some very useful signing over the summer, IMO Lambert is far more lethal than Holt, they have a great youth system, play attractive football and in Adkins a very good young manager.

    I really hope West Ham go down, can’t stand Alladyce, also will be interesting to see how well Swansea do, Michu could either turn out one of the signing of the summer or a massive flop.

    I’m a United fan and although we had terrible injuries last season, have bought a world class player in Kagawa and only lost the league on goal difference I still think City will be the team to beat.

    I also like the look of Oscar at Chelsea although it’ll maybe take a few months before we see what he’s really capable of.

  13. Neil says:

    Hmmm…I’m not so sure about Arsenal in third, as much as I’d like to see them improve.. I think that they’ll struggle for fourth. I have a sinking feeling that they’ll lose Walcott and Song….and fail to fill those gaps(as usual)….and then (as usual) lose 3-4 players to long-term injuries.

  14. Ze German says:

    Man City, Man Utd, Arsenal, Chelsea – in that order. Same old, same old. Slightly lower down in the rankings, we reckon Liverpool will get their _scheiβe_ together and finish sixth behind Tottenham.

    I lol’d

  15. Toz says:

    Remember readers, this all from the person who predicted Chelsea to sweep the title last year…

  16. Foran44 says:

    Hey Chris any chance of you creating a whoateallthepies fantasy league on the official fantasy.premierleague.com site?

    Could be a good bit of craic!

  17. Danny says:

    1 mark Hughes to get the boot replaced by redknapp
    2 Rooney to have a season ending injury in the first half dozen games
    3 RVP to ponce around the front end of newspapers, doing little on the pitch, then disappearing to Italy in the january window
    4 andy Carroll to come right with 20 goals this season (yep I said it)

  18. Ash says:

    I’ll admit, I’m a Saints fan and don’t hold out much hope for us staying up, but have you watched Lambert much?

    He might not take to the Prem, and he might not be as good as Holt, but saying he is not as ‘dynamic’ suggests you haven’t really seen him play.

  19. Neil says:

    About Hazard — yes, he’ll need some time. I saw how he played at Lille however. Give him until the new year — he’s going to be a massive player. (I wish Arsenal had managed to land him!)

  20. P says:

    I don’t see much boldness, the only things that surprised at all on the list (if it were at all unusual in the media) would be the underestimation of chelsea and the throwing a wet blanket on hazard.

    arsenal placing above chelsea by the end of the season makes no sense, unless of course arsenal completely flop in champions league like last season while chelsea goes on.

  21. porcelain sandwich says:

    As a Hamburg fan, I feel I should point out that Mladen Petric has never been ‘underrated’, people from England may not have heard of him, but there was pretty much a day of mourning in my native city when he left.

  22. Irshaad says:

    Should I Create A League For Who Ate All The Pies On The Premier League Website? How Many Will Like To Join?

  23. matty says:

    Djibril Cisse top scorer and most red cards. Also, Sparky isn’t going anywhere this season.

    @Irshaad – I will.

  24. shay says:

    United will win the title. By more than one lousy goal.

  25. lurker says:

    wigan look like a mid-table side. solid mid-fielders already on the side and some great signings this summer.

  26. Irshaad says:

    I Created A League On Behalf Of Who Ate All The Pies On The Premier League Official Website… Heres The Code 81074-322441… Everybody Join!!!

  27. Wirral says:

    I reckon that 250/1 bet on Liverpool to get relegated is looking the value bet of the season.

  28. The Insider says:

    My prediction . 1. Arsenal 2. Manchester City 3. Chelsea 4. Manchester United .. As I predicts that Man U will flop much.. Trust me.. My bold prediction of Arsenal winning the league is bros I got a really really good feeling that The young gunners will win all the way till the 38 fixture.. Trust me lad !

  29. jock says:

    mixed bag. mostly turd

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