Classic Pies: Spend Valentine’s Day With Football’s Top 12 Epic Bromances

Chris Wright

14th, February 2013


By Chris Wright

As far as we’re concerned Valentine’s Day is nowt but a stark reminder that no-one loves us on the 364 other days of the year either, but hey ho – love is theoretically in the air, the goose is getting fat, yadda yadda yadda.

We thought we’d have a look at some of the greatest, most enduring bromances that football has incubated over the years – because love, in all its many forms, is a beautiful thing…

1. Frank Lampard and John Terry

“Oh John, stop it! Of course I didn’t get that tattoo of us across my stomach…”

*I totally did*

2. Gary Neville and Paul Scholes

Since his first, unrequited object of desire, David Beckham, moved across the ocean and married his fancy woman in a land far, far away, the Neviller has been forced to patch up his broken heart and move on with the second handsomest fella in the United ranks…

3. Jose Mourinho and Cristiano Ronaldo

Oh, excuse me. I’ll give you two a minute…

4. Cristiano Ronaldo and Cristiano Ronaldo

One all-encompassing love affair that is absolutely certain not to fizzle out at any point between now and the point that the sun implodes…

*Full-length mirror just out of shot, stage left*

5. Gareth Southgate and unidentified naked chap

Second base on their first date, it must’ve been love…

6. Andy Carroll and Martin Skrtel

Something absolutely nobody wanted or needed to see; the moment that Andy and Martin made their budding relationship public…

Can you pass the eyeball bleach please?

7. Diego Maradona and Colin Farrell

Yep, this happened. One imagines that certain stimulants may have been involved. Both Rohypnol-ed the other and went in for the non-consenting kill…

8. Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher

Never get between Carra and his man – look what happened to Xabi…

He hasn’t been seen since, but several ginger beard hairs were later discovered in the blades of Carragher’s lawnmower.

9. Fernando Torres and Sergio Ramos

Just a quickie while the wife’s away…

10. Gerard Pique and Carles Puyol/Zlatan Ibrahimovic

Pique: Putting the ‘camp’ in the Camp Nou since 2008…

“Oh Carles…if you go, where shall I go? What’ll I do?”

Given the sheer number of Pique’s Fleetwood Mac-esque inter-squad bromances over the years, things are either very open or very awkward at Barcelona…

Parting is always such sweet sorrow.

11. Jose Mourinho and Marco Materazzi

When Mou left for Spain, the Matrix just couldn’t go on…

“We need you. Hell, I need you. I’m a mess without you. I miss you so damn much! I miss being with you. I miss being near you. I miss your laugh! I miss your scent. I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.”

12. Pippo Inzaghi and Christian Vieri

“Remember our first summer together Bobo? Up at Catfish Lake?”

Any undying footballing love affairs we’ve missed (there are several)? You know the drill…

(A version of this post originally appeared on Pies in February 2012)

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