Easter Special: Top 10 Football Eggheads

Chris Wright

3rd, April 2015


By Chris Wright

As a little bit of an Easter treat, we thought we’d dust off Pies’ famous(ish) bald footballers compilation and give it a seasonal re-jig – with the inclusion of a few new faces in the barren-bonced parade of Easter Eggheads.

Jonjo Shelvey

Losing his hair to alopecia at a young age caused Jonjo to lock himself away deep inside a mystic labyrinth for the majority of his childhood, though he undoubtedly emerged all the stronger for it.

Brian McDermott

Three minutes for soft-boiled, six minutes for hard-boiled.

Ivan De La Pena

Put it this way, De La Pena is the one on the left…we think.

Terry Mancini

Way, way before Hulk Hogan trademarked the look as his own, QPR and Arsenal defender Mancini was rocking the ‘skirted eggshell’ with pride and panache.

Fabian Barthez

Barthez started out his career with a thicket of luscious, Shirley Temple-esque golden ringlets up top, only to see them gradually eroded away to nothing by the relentless amorous advances of one Laurent Blanc.

Franck Lebeouf

Not content with a football career most would give their right arm for, Mr The Beef now puts his sleek, streamlined hairlessness to good use by landing roles as scientists in major Oscar-nominated blockbusters.

Atillio Lombardo

The Bald Eagle was and is almost entirely wind resistant.

Richard Chaplow

Such is the sheen on Chaplow’s polished dome, the Ipswich midfielder actually has the power to render his foes temporarily incapacitated if he stands under the floodlights at the right angle.

The Thomas Gravesen/Lee Carsley Axis

Put quite simply: The most fearsomely bald midfield combination ever to have roamed the Earth.

Pierluigi Collina

It was a toss-up between Collina and Howard Webb as to which bald referee we were going to chuck in.

However, the Italian wins by virtue of having no discernible follicles…or eyelids, for that matter.

Honorary mentions: Gianluca Vialli, Yordan Letchkov, Pep Guardiola, Temuri Kestbaia, Pepe Reina, Ray Wilkins, Stephen Ireland, Danny Mills, Andy Johnson, Paul Konchesky, Esteban Cambiasso, the list is endless…