By Chris Wright
Happy Epic Bantz Day everybody! Here’s the best of the admittedly slim pickings that the football world had to offer this morning…
7. Enter the Dragon(‘s Lair)
Would you put it past Vincent?
6. Manchester Blue-nited
In an article written by “Kit Mann”, the Daily Mirror claimed this morning to have come into possession of a snippet of leaked footage of the new, Chevrolet-sponsored away kit Manchester United will be sporting next season – the club’s first ever blue strip – which is a big deal because rivals Manchester City play in blue.
See what they did there?
5. Ireland on stand-by
The Irish Times went big with the story that the Republic of Ireland could still be in with a chance of making the World Cup after it came to light that France’s participation in Brazil is “under threat” over the controversy surrounding Nicolas Anelka (who, lest we forget, isn’t actually in the French squad) and his quennelle gesture.
Supporters, such as Mr O’Fliorpál up there, are apparently bracing themselves for a “dramatic late call-up”, though senior Brazilian FIFA official Falip Orol has insisted “no moves are afoot” to change the tournament line-up.
Arsenal’s official car partners, Citroën, cooked up a sliver of mirth this morning by announcing the launch of their new model: the special edition C4 Cactus Arsenal Edition.
According to Citroen’s patter, the Arsenal Cactus is “limited to just 11 models” and features the new “Geo Organised Away-day Location, Information & Entertainment” touchscreen interface – or G.O.A.L.I.E. for short – which is “loaded with all the team’s fixtures, directions to the games, a database of pie and mash vendors and football anthems to sing along to.”
They also announced that the car will be available from all Citroën showrooms later this year, except for their dealership in Tottenham.
3. Man City building new “moon slide” at the Etihad…
The Man City official site is carrying news this morning that the club are busy building a new 1,200-foot “moon slide” at their stadium – i.e, a huge slide set up in the south stand that will allow fans to exit the ground quickly on special sledges come match-day.
Fair play to City who really went out of their way in terms of realism with this one – even setting up a fake Twitter account for the Moon Slide’s Filipino architect, Flora Pi Lo (just rearrange those letters) and even cobbling together a “project update” video to boot!
2. England in yellow
The Daily Mail reported that England are to pay homage to their World Cup hosts by releasing a special yellow third strip for the tournament which they will wear in the final group game against Costa Rica on June 24th…
1. Danny Mills: Pasty magnate
Top of the tree is the “news” that former Leeds and, somehow, England right-back Danny Mills is gathering together his spare pennies and investing in a Cornish pasty company as part of a consortiu…oh, hang on a minute – it would appear that, despite having April Fools written all over it, this one is actually true.
Well, bugger me backwards with a day-old baguette.
Anyone else spot any good’ns this morning? Did your club try to pull the wool? Let us know…