Retro Football: A Large Selection Of The Various Tat Flogged By Kevin Keegan Over The Years (Photos)

Chris Wright

22nd, July 2014


By Chris Wright

God bless Kevin Keegan and all that ride upon him, but by heck has the man put his name, face and perm to some shoddy merchandise over the years.

Here at Pies, we feel it’s our duty to round it all up, seal it hermetically and blast it off into space so such nonsense is never dwelt upon by mankind ever again – only because we love him, you understand.

Let’s get cracking, shall we?

Pirelli slippers

Your favourite slippers, now available in a choice of styles and colours…


Grundig Micro Boy

There’s probably a “tranny” joke in there somewhere, but frankly we’re much too high-brow to make it…


The Green Cross Code

Kev was one of the first people in the world to recognise the innate danger of stationary vehicles…


Patrick football boots



Goal! Football Ice Lolly (With ‘Free Toy’)

More on this particularly shoddy piece of tat here



Grattan menswear

The best thing about Kevin’s leisurewear range is that it came in a plastic bag with a drawing of his face on (see below)…



Brut aftershave

The epitome of 1970’s machismo, seen here shilling chlorine-scented smelly stuff…



Grandstand Electronic Action Soccer Game

Looks like an absolute jamboree of fun…


Smiths Crisps

The salted fried potato snack of choice for today’s professional sportsmen…


Match Magazine: Dial-A-Star

As “super free gifts” go, we’ve definitely seen super-er…


Don’t forget to tell you friends…that they can technically sue Match under the Trade Descriptions Act!

Sugar Puffs

Sunderland fans actually boycotted Sugar Puffs after that. Still, nice of Warren Barton to lend a hand…


Kevin Keegan’s Player Manager

Fun fact: this game was re-branded as Karl-Heinz Rummenigge’s Player Manager in Germany…


Match Makers

Sadly not the slightly underwhelming chocolate twigs of the same name, but a signature sticker album…


His “hit” singles

Beginning with 1972’s ‘It Ain’t Easy’, Keegan bothered the lower recesses of the pop charts with a further two single releases: 1979’s ‘Head Over Heels In Love’ (which was written by two blokes from Smokie and peaked at a giddy No.31 in the hit parade) and 1980’s ‘England’ – a simple ode to his homeland which bewilderingly failed to chart at all…



They’re all on Youtube if you’re in a desperate rush to punish your ears for some reason.

Grundig ‘Hit Boy’ Radio

‘Head Over Heels In Love’ has never sounded so good…


Mitre footballs

Here’s Kev modelling for Mitre, all the while having to subtly cover the Admiral badge on his England kit…


Gypsy caravans

It’s always nice to see someone’s dreams come true…



We’ve got no idea what’s going on here but it’s a photo of Kevin Keegan dressed as Robin so we’re chucking it in regardless…


Cybex home gym equipment

Let’s get physical…


Je l’aimerai deodorant

The fact that the spray’s name literally translates as “I’d love it” gives away the fact that this was a spoof advert cooked up by Capital One, but a bare-chested Keggy was still more than happy to oblige…


If anyone out there has any more examples of Keggy’s often misguided ventures into the word of product endorsement, feel free to share!