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Retro Football: A Large Selection Of The Various Tat Flogged By Kevin Keegan Over The Years (Photos)

By Chris Wright

God bless Kevin Keegan and all that ride upon him, but by heck has the man put his name, face and perm to some shoddy merchandise over the years.

Here at Pies, we feel it’s our duty to round it all up, seal it hermetically and blast it off into space so such nonsense is never dwelt upon by mankind ever again – only because we love him, you understand.

Let’s get cracking, shall we?

Pirelli slippers

Your favourite slippers, now available in a choice of styles and colours…

keegan-pirelli-slippers

Grundig Micro Boy

There’s probably a “tranny” joke in there somewhere, but frankly we’re much too high-brow to make it…

keegan-grundig-1980a

The Green Cross Code

Kev was one of the first people in the world to recognise the innate danger of stationary vehicles…

keegan-green-cross

Patrick football boots

Classic…

keegan-patrick

Goal! Football Ice Lolly (With ‘Free Toy’)

More on this particularly shoddy piece of tat here

keegan-lolly

goal-keegan

Grattan menswear

The best thing about Kevin’s leisurewear range is that it came in a plastic bag with a drawing of his face on (see below)…

keegan-grattan-1979

tracksuit

Brut aftershave

The epitome of 1970′s machismo, seen here shilling chlorine-scented smelly stuff…

brut

 

Grandstand Electronic Action Soccer Game

Looks like an absolute jamboree of fun…

keegan-grandstand

Smiths Crisps

The salted fried potato snack of choice for today’s professional sportsmen…

keegan-crisps

Match Magazine: Dial-A-Star

As “super free gifts” go, we’ve definitely seen super-er…

keegan-dial

Don’t forget to tell you friends…that they can technically sue Match under the Trade Descriptions Act!

Sugar Puffs

Sunderland fans actually boycotted Sugar Puffs after that. Still, nice of Warren Barton to lend a hand…

keegan-sugar-puffs

Kevin Keegan’s Player Manager

Fun fact: this game was re-branded as Karl-Heinz Rummenigge’s Player Manager in Germany…

keegan-player-manager

Match Makers

Sadly not the slightly underwhelming chocolate twigs of the same name, but a signature sticker album…

keegan-matchmakers

His “hit” singles

Beginning with 1972′s ‘It Ain’t Easy’, Keegan bothered the lower recesses of the pop charts with a further two single releases: 1979′s ‘Head Over Heels In Love’ (which was written by two blokes from Smokie and peaked at a giddy No.31 in the hit parade) and 1980′s ‘England’ – a simple ode to his homeland which bewilderingly failed to chart at all…

keegan-easy

keegan-singles

They’re all on Youtube if you’re in a desperate rush to punish your ears for some reason.

Grundig ‘Hit Boy’ Radio

‘Head Over Heels In Love’ has never sounded so good…

keegan-grundig-1980

Mitre footballs

Here’s Kev modelling for Mitre, all the while having to subtly cover the Admiral badge on his England kit…

keegan-mitre-1980

Gypsy caravans

It’s always nice to see someone’s dreams come true…

keegan-caravan

Batman

We’ve got no idea what’s going on here but it’s a photo of Kevin Keegan dressed as Robin so we’re chucking it in regardless…

keegan-batman

Cybex home gym equipment

Let’s get physical…

keegan-cybex

Je l’aimerai deodorant

The fact that the spray’s name literally translates as “I’d love it” gives away the fact that this was a spoof advert cooked up by Capital One, but a bare-chested Keggy was still more than happy to oblige…

keegan-spray

If anyone out there has any more examples of Keggy’s often misguided ventures into the word of product endorsement, feel free to share!

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By Chris on July 22nd, 2014 in Featured, Newsnow, Retro, Top 10s & lists. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
comments

4 Responses to “Retro Football: A Large Selection Of The Various Tat Flogged By Kevin Keegan Over The Years (Photos)”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Some of these make Joe Hart’s shampoo commercial look tasteful

  2. Geraldo says:

    To say nothing of George Best’s sausage ad…

  3. Chris says:

    These ads are perfectly acceptable!!! he was on TV’s superstars with Daley Thompson as the most awesome sports stars that kicked butt ever in the history of the universe…ever..

  4. Maria says:

    I had that player-manager game on the SNES. The game used Kick-off 2, and was a lot of fun!

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