By Chris Wright
After the roaring 99.9% success rate we enjoyed with our bold ‘n’ brassy predictions for last year’s 2013/14 Premier League season (not that you need to check our claim, but they’re available to peruse here) we thought it would be only fair to come at you with another round of peerlessly informed clairvoyance for this upcoming year.
Without further ado, let’s plough in…
1. Chelsea will win the 2014/15 Premier League title. Yes, it’ll be super boring, but that squad looks impenetrably formidable. Put it this way: if the Blues don’t snag the biggy this time round, it’ll be a huge failure on Jose Mourinho’s part.
2. Liverpool will not finish in the top four. Brendan’s group reached their absolute zenith last season. No Suarez, no party.
3. The top four will be, in order: Chelsea, Man City, Man Utd, Arsenal (of course!).
4. Tottenham are going to struggle. New manager; new system; lop-sided, unbalanced squad; most of 2013’s higgledy piggledy signings still playing catch-up. Looks like a recipe for trouble at t’ mill.
Also, as Spurs’ record signing, Erik Lamela needs to pull his finger out this season, asap.
5. The top goalscorer will be: Stefan Jovetic is a dark horse after a injury-blighted maiden season at Man City last year, but as we’ve been silly and publicly backed him to stutter at Chelsea, this one’s almost definitely got Diego Costa’s name all over it!
6. First managerial casualty: West Ham’s perennial fan favourite manager, Corpulent Samuel, is once again the odds-on bookie’s favourite to win the sack race, but we’ve got a sneaking suspicion that Alan Irvine at West Brom shall be first to be relieved of his duties.
We’re reluctant to admonish the guy, but he’s got zilcho star power and could be replaced by a much higher-profile candidate in a split-second if things start going tits-up at The Hawthorns.
7. Fantasy football bargain will be: Philippe Coutinho is definitely being primed for a big season with Liverpool as almost all of the creative onus is now on him, though he’s not exactly a cheap option.
Our pick is Bojan Krkic at Stoke, who has been scoring for fun in pre-season and may have just gone under the radar of your less-enlightened fantasy league cohorts.
8. Biggest transfer flop: Brown Ideye, West Brom. Ponderous scoring record at almost every level, especially of late. Didn’t stop the Baggies mulching their club transfer record and spluffing £10-plus million to bring him in, mind you.
9. Alexis Sanchez will have a slightly underwhelming first season at Arsenal. Though, much like Mesut Ozil last season, everyone will be really polite and strangely dismissive about it, despite the guy costing an arm and a soddin’ leg.
10. The holy relegation triptych will be: Burnley, Leicester City and QPR. Back from whence you came, the whole bloody ‘orrible lot of you!
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So, there you go my good people. Feel free to rate ‘em and slate ‘em as you see fit.
Also, let’s here your fearless predictions for 2014/15 too.