The Tuesday 10: Horror Hooters


1st, May 2007


This week Pies salutes some of football’s finest schnozzles.
ogrizovic04.jpg1 Steve Ogrizovic
Steve Ogrizovic boasts a head that has been kicked so many times it looks like it tried to make the grade as a ball before converting to be a goalkeeper. Oggy’s nose(s) have brave/daft keeper written all over it/them. The nose is so wonky that it looks like three very thin noses stuck together.

southgate02.jpg2 Gareth Southgate
Southgate has a truly amazing nose which you could look at a thousand times and still notice something different about. There is certainly more than a hint of bird of prey about this effort. And the beauty of it is that it looks deceptively normal head-on.
Phil%20Thompson.JPG3 Phil Thompson
Football’s answer to Concorde. The ex-Liverpool favourite was one of the few Reds players of the 1970s not to sport a moustache, but the shadow from his nose more than made up for this. One of a couple of Horror Hooters now adorning our television screens.
Gordon%20Cowans.JPG4 Gordon Cowans
A wonderful example of a wonky one-sided nose (we’ll let you decide which side). The ex-Aston Villa man paraded his schnozzle in Italy for three years with Bari.
Steve%20Bruce.JPG5 Steve Bruce
Birmingham boss, former Manchester United defender and (by the looks of this picture) professional gurner, Steve Bruce is a fine example of a centre-back who wasn’t afraid to stick his head in. I imagine Bruce’s nose would be squidgy to the touch and possibly have a comedy hooting noise when squeezed.
Ian%20Rush.JPG6 Ian Rush
Another splendid effort from an Anfield legend. This view captures Rush’s hooter perfectly, ably propped up by his trademark moustache. Would not look out of place as an extra in an episode of Postman Pat.
Schmeichel.jpg7 Peter Schmeichel
The only Horror Hooter candidate to make our list on the basis of colour alone. Rudolph Reindeer to Fergie’s Santa Claus. Every day was Red Nose Day with the Great Dane between the Manchester United sticks.
Andy%20Townsend.JPG8 Andy Townsend
Wonderful bend on that effort from Townsend. This is not what you would call a ‘television nose’ (or personality for that matter) and yet the ex-Villa and Middlesbrough midfielder is the second of our Horror Hooter line-up currently appearing regularly as a TV pundit.
Andy%20O%27Brien.JPG9 Andy O’Brien
Portsmouth defender O’Brien had a fairly pointy nose to begin with, but this incident certainly didn’t do him any favours in the nose stake. It is now wonky as well as pointy.
Lee%20Bowyer.JPG10 Lee Bowyer
Bowyer has a highly slappable face, and from this evidence it seems one or two people might have been unable to resist temptation. Bowyer’s broken nose actually forced him to miss a court hearing in 2001.

Posted in Top 10s & lists

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  1. Stuart says:

    Not only a corker of a nose, but a great servant for the sky blues – and a fine keeper too. Steve Ogrizovic (and your nose_, I salute you.

  2. lee c says:

    not really specifically to do with noses, but it is uncanny how much Lee Bowyer looks like Pete Postlethwaite