By Ollie Irish

Believe nothing you read on any football website today (except Pies, of course… ahem)

1. Southampton to add gold paintbrush to club crest after JP Trophy win

“Saints are set to commemorate their Johnstone’s Paint Trophy Final win with a special addition to the Club crest.

“In recognition of Sunday’s marvellous victory that saw the Club pick up its first piece of silverware in 34 years, it has been decided to celebrate the occasion by doing something to signal Saints’ Trophy triumph.

“In the same manner that Clubs who have achieved European title success often honour the victory by embroidering a gold star above their logo, Saints have decided to pay tribute by embroidering a gold paintbrush above the traditional Club crest.”

LINK

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2. Referees on Segways

“Sam Allardyce last night gave the thumbs up to an amazing ‘ref-mobile’.

“The Blackburn boss believes the motorised two-wheeler will keep referees up to speed with the game’s fastest players.

“Football authorities have been secretly testing the Segways – and they will be used in the Blue Square Premier next season.

“With players like Theo Walcott, Gabby Agbonlahor and Aaron Lennon capable of incredible speeds, it is hoped this new innovation will help refs keep up.”

LINK

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3. Burnley’s new lambswool shirt

“In conjunction with Puma, market leaders in shirt design, the new shirt will be manufactured from 100 per cent lamb’s wool, maintaining thermal regulation through even venting.

“However, cutting-edge shirt design technology has enabled Puma to mix the hand-dyed wool with the revolutionary patented ‘PROlifola’ (ha, Ed.) water-resistant fabric, for maximum moisture management.”

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4. West Ham shirts sponsored by Ann Summers

“West Ham will brave ridicule next season by wearing pink on their home shirts as part of a saucy new sponsorship deal with erotic retailers Ann Summers.

“The chain of high street stores, famed for sex toys and lingerie, are owned by David Gold, joint chairman of the Hammers.”

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5. Moles at Eastlands

Man City’s head groundsman has mole trouble, apparently.

LINK

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6. David Beckham to be Australia’s assistant manager

“The Sydney Morning Herald said Thursday that former England captain Beckham, who won’t play for England due to an Achilles tendon injury and subsequent surgery, announced he was joining the Socceroos as assistant manager.

“The Herald said the deal was sealed after Football Federation Australia chairman Frank Lowy sent Beckham a fruit basket and get-well card after his surgery last month.”

LINK

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Spotted any more AFs this morning?

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