By Martin Cloake
How’s about you Agadon’t, lads?
“Like the school disco you were forced to attend, your middle-aged relatives forming a conga at a wedding party, a travelling DJ act based in Wolverhampton” – that’s how music magazine Q once verbalised what it thought of Black Lace’s 1984 novelty hit Agadoo after voting it ‘The Worst Song Of All Time’.
Despite its lowly stead among music snobs, Agadoo has, however, proved enduringly popular with football fans, who have adapted the ‘Agadoo, do, do, push pineapple, shake the tree’ lyrics for their own purposes many times over the years.
Current keepers of the flame are Tottenham fans with:
“Eriksen, sen, sen
He’s our number 23;
Eriksen, Sen, Sen
He was bought by AVB;
To the left, to the right, he’s our midfield dynamite;
When he plays in blue and white, he makes Ozil look shite”.
A few years back, Manchester United’s ever resourceful songsmiths informed us that:
“Anderson, son, son
He’s better than Kleberson,
Anderson, son, son
He’s our midfield magician”.
Hindsight can be a real bitch sometimes! Elsewhere, Stoke City fans plumped for an altogether more Germanic version:
“Robert Huth, Huth, Huth
He’s a great big German youth;
Robert Huth, Huth, Huth
He’ll knock out your f**king tooth”.
And Liverpool fans, well and truly gifted to the signing of Daniel Agger in 2006, came up with:
“Agger do, do, do
Saves some goals and scores a few,
Agger do, do. Do
Plays for us and not for you”.
And finally, one from Dagenham and Redbridge about fan favourite midfielder Peter Gain.
“Peter Gain, Gain, Gain
He’s a football genius;
Peter Gain, Gain, Gain
And he’s better than Jenas;
To the left, to the right, to the Dagenham beat tonight;
He’s not big, but he’s hard, and he shits on Frank Lampard.”