The Tuesday 10: Ian Holloway’s quotes of the season

Ollie Irish

8th, May 2007

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Ollie has kept us thoroughly entertained this season. English football would be a more boring place without his wit and wisdom. Ollie, we salute you! Here’s ten of his best quotes of the season:
1 ‘If anybody’s offended by seeing a backside, get real. Maybe they’re just jealous that he’s got a real nice tight one, with no cellulite or anything. I thought his [Joey Barton’s] bum cheeks looked very pert.’
2 ‘I think us human beings will end up with thumbs like giant crabs pretty soon because of all the texting that goes on and the playing of these stupid computer games, and we’ll have lost the art of talking. It really does worry me.’
3 ‘If you go to the ballet you have about eight intervals – it’s different class. In fact you could almost have your 10 pints during the breaks and by the end of it you’re loving it. I strongly recommend it.’

4 ‘[Grease]… What a great movie. When Olivia Neutron Bomb comes on in that tight gear at the end it’s scary isn’t it? When she changes from nice little Sandy into a hellcat on legs…. whoah! Unbelievable.’
5 ‘Favourite Bond villain? I like Oddjob, remember him? He was the sidekick of somebody. I like the way he threw that hat and knocked the thing off.’
6 ‘I would like nothing more than to be like the rest of my family and chill out over Christmas, have a nice little snooze in the afternoon, eat a little bit too much, drink the odd thing that is a bit “ooh wait a minute”, then on Boxing Day watch a lovely film on the telly – Chitty Chitty Bang Bang or something – and have a game of charades.’
7 ‘I think it’s a pile of donkey dung. FIFA should scrap the Bosman ruling and get back to the way it was where anybody who is out of contract should be owned by the club and he should be able to command a fee for them.’
8 ‘I’ve been polishing that car [Tony Capaldi, who wants to leave the club] since I’ve been here. Unfortunately, I didn’t buy it off the forecourt straight away… I’m not going to spend all this time polishing that car and then let somebody rip it away from me off my drive in the summer for absolutely nothing. That’s bad business. Somebody is going to have to buy it off me, and I might have to push it off my drive if it doesn’t want to go.’
9 As a player he [Roy Keane] was awesome – and hard as nails. You wouldn’t mess with him. A running machine, a tackling machine – a winning machine. He was like a shark in the middle of the pitch. There was nothing of him but if you clattered into him it was like hitting the side of a train. I just couldn’t live with him.’
10 ‘Ha ha! Well that’s very flattering but I think they’ll have to go and swivel on that idea!’
Ian’s reaction when told that Pies wanted him to be the next England manager
Ollie’s column for BBC Sport
[Photo: Getty Images]

Posted in Top 10s & lists

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1 Comment

  1. Matt Parker says:

    This word is overused, but I think I’ll be excused when I say… legend.