10 Great Big, Dirty, Heaving Predictions For The 2015/16 Premier League Season

Chris Wright

5th, August 2015



After enjoying yet another year of roaring success and indisputable accuracy with our bold and brassy predictions for 2014/15, the time has come once again for Pies to hit you with another hot, heavy blast of our clairvoyant prowess.

Without further ado, let’s delve in and get our hands mucky…

1. Chelsea will win the league. It might be a little closer than it was last season if Man City manage to get their collective arses in gear, but Jose Mourinho’s merry band of outlaws will labour their way to back-to-back titles because the upper echelon of the Premier League is, essentially, quite boring.

2. Top four will be, in order: Chelsea, Man City, Arsenal, Manchester United…again.

3. Top scorer will be: Sergio Aguero…again.

4. Raheem Sterling…will slot in very nicely and go from strength to strength at Man City, forming a cute little partnership with David Silva – much to the annoyance of everybody who wanted to see him crash, burn and sink without trace beneath the waves of hubris.

5. Harry Kane will end the season with 10 league goals max. Most of them penalties. It never usually takes longer than a season for opposing defenders to work out how to neuter simple point-and-shoot strikers. Of course, we’re not saying he’s finished entirely – but let’s face it, Harry’s probably had his day in the sun.

6. First managerial casualty: It’s worth having a shiny shilling on Roberto Martinez but we’ve got a funny feeling that Claudio Ranieri is going to walk after a few disastrous months at Leicester.


7. Crystal Palace will do very nicely. On the back of some thoroughly impressive summer strengthening, we reckon Palace are potentially looking at back-to-back record Premier League finishes after finishing in the giddy heights of mid-table last season.

8. Most impressive debut season at a new club: James Milner should find himself at home in the middle of Liverpool’s meat-and-potatoes midfield but we think Villa may have just bagged themselves a gem in the shape of Rudy Gestede. He’s not pretty for the most part, but he’s bloody effective.

9. Biggest transfer flop: Lots of money has been spectacularly wasted over the summer so this is a tough one to call.

Robbie Brady (Norwich City) at a frankly baffling £7million seems like a shoe-in but we’ve got a funny feeling Bastian Schweinsteiger is going to fall apart early on and end his first season at Manchester United as a bit of a punchline. There’s a good reason Bayern were so willing to let him move on.

10. The Unholy Relegation Triumvirate: Hardly the most imaginative prediction, but we’re ear-marking Norwich, Watford and Bournemouth to all return from whence they came after seeing off some stiff competition from Leicester.

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So, there you go my good people. Feel free to rate ‘em and slate ‘em as you see fit.

Also, let’s here your fearless predictions for 2015/16 too…

Posted in Betting & predictions, Newsnow, Top 10s & lists

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  1. Bob says:

    I think Stoke will finish best of the rest, and I’m a Saints fan

  2. Cameron says:

    If there was ever the season where 5 or 6 teams deserved to go down, it would probably be this one. Leicester, Norwich, Watford, Bournemouth, Villa, West Brom all just scream relegation

  3. Jacques says:

    Sunderland to finally go down. Bournemouth to be the new Swansea.

  4. Inno says:

    I fancy Villa to go down, although it won’t be Tim Sherwood’s fault

  5. Bill says:

    I don’t think Man U will make the top 4 with their current defense, especially if DeGea leaves.

  6. Jarren says:

    When De Gea leaves, we will be very nervous.

    Perhaps Cillessen will come in, or maybe Schmeichel.

  7. syndex says:

    I seriously fear everton relegation this year (depending on what happens until the end of the transfer window)

  8. Walter Eagle says:

    @Jarren: Schmeichel to Man U would be such a great move, for all sorts of reasons. There’s the emotional, heart-tugging connection, but I also think he’s maturing in to a really good keeper. Everyone says Nigel Pearson saved Leicester in the last 10 games of last season with that stirring run of wins, but I’d say Kasper coming back from almost season-long injury had as big a part to play. I’m not a MU fan but I still think it would be great to see a Schmeichel back between the sticks at OT.

  9. ChipCoyote says:

    Agreed re: #1-5,7,8. Especially about Sterling and Kane.
    As an ardent Newcastle support, I can’t see McClaren or our four (albeit of some quality) signings dragging us out of the relegation scrap that ever-increasingly seems to become a reality for us come January. Obviously I would love to be proved wrong though.

    @ Chris – As a Forest supporter, what are your thoughts on Darlow and Lascelles? Ready to make an impact on the Premier League?

    • Chris Wright says:

      @ChipCoyote: Of the two, it’ll probably be Darlow that makes the grade, though he’ll probably be out on loan again several times before he does.

      He’s a good shot-stopper in a fairly generic mould but his command and concentration are both still a little bit suspect. That said, those are both things that tend to improve with age/experience.

      Lascelles is lightweight and would get torn asunder if plonked into a Premier League back-four as is.

      I’d have let him have a 1/2 more seasons in the Championship proving ground before I paid the big bucks.

      • ChipCoyote says:

        @ Chris
        Thanks for the reply.

        I must admit that’s what I don’t understand about the Darlow transfer (from a Newcastle point of view)… as I feel Rob Elliot and Jak Alnwick are similar in ability… though maybe without the potential of Darlow. Time will tell I suppose.

        I feared as much about Lascelles after watching him in our friendly with Sheffield United (I know it’s preseason, but he was torn asunder in that game), but wanted to believe otherwise… Hopefully McClaren will have him in the gym/one the weights as often as possible!

        Here’s hoping Forest make a play-off run and Newcastle survive another relegation scrap! Cheers!

  10. Lolololo says:

    Hahahhahahahahahhahahab great to see your predictions in retrospect

  11. sloth says:

    The clangers are brilliant haha. Chelsea in 10th, Sterling flop, Kane Golden Boot, Ranieri fairytale…

    But good spot on Schweinsteiger, and Aguero did have the best goals/minutes in the league, scoring one less than Kane in 8 less games.

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