Defying The Odds: 10 Footballers Who Succeeded Despite Having No Neck

Chris Wright

4th, January 2016

6 Comments

In which, for no reason other than because we can, Pies pay humble tribute to those professional footballers who simply refused to let a distinct lack of neck hold them back in their ascent to greatness/mediocrity.

Without further ado, let’s dig in…

Carlos Tevez

Famously lost his Adam’s apple in a wheat threshing accident as a child…

Carlos Tevez gave Juventus a 2-1 win in the Champions League semi-final first leg with Real Madrid

Xherdan Shaqiri

The man is all shoulders…

shaqiri-neck2

David Ospina

Making crew collars look like polo necks since ’88…

ospina-neck

Louis van Gaal

No definable neck as such – just a baffling array of chin and jowl…

van-gaal-neck

Diego Maradona

There was a time when El Diego boasted a neck. However, that time has long since passed…

maradona-neck

Andy Reid

Built like a dishwasher. Perfectly cuboid…

reid

Jan Molby

Classy player in day. As the old cliché goes, the first three inches (of his neck) were in his head…

molby-neck2

Stan Lazaridis

Always looked like two midgets in a Birmingham kit…

lazaridis-neck

Craig Bellamy

Fun fact: Bellamy was actually offered the lead role in Willow before Warwick Davis…

bellamy-neck

Andy Impey 

The grand high maester of no-neckdom. Not even a gullet to speak of. Basically a human terrapin.

impey-neck2

Any honourable mentions, Pies fans? Let’s hear ’em…