In which, for no reason other than because we can, Pies pay humble tribute to those professional footballers who simply refused to let a distinct lack of neck hold them back in their ascent to greatness/mediocrity.
Without further ado, let’s dig in…
Carlos Tevez
Famously lost his Adam’s apple in a wheat threshing accident as a child…
Xherdan Shaqiri
The man is all shoulders…
David Ospina
Making crew collars look like polo necks since ’88…
Louis van Gaal
No definable neck as such – just a baffling array of chin and jowl…
Diego Maradona
There was a time when El Diego boasted a neck. However, that time has long since passed…
Andy Reid
Built like a dishwasher. Perfectly cuboid…
Jan Molby
Classy player in day. As the old cliché goes, the first three inches (of his neck) were in his head…
Stan Lazaridis
Always looked like two midgets in a Birmingham kit…
Craig Bellamy
Fun fact: Bellamy was actually offered the lead role in Willow before Warwick Davis…
Andy Impey
The grand high maester of no-neckdom. Not even a gullet to speak of. Basically a human terrapin.
Any honourable mentions, Pies fans? Let’s hear ’em…