10 Footballers Who Look Like Untrustworthy Magicians

Chris Wright

30th, March 2016

3 Comments

A list Pies felt duty bound to compile for the good of mankind, here’s 10 footballers that we think look a bit like dodgy magicians…

Mats Hummels

He’ll steal your woman and your wallet, and anything else that isn’t nailed down…

mats-hummels

Robert Pires

His elaborate illusions were once the toast of old Paris, though that was before ‘the incident’…

pires-france

Sandro Wagner, Darmstadt

Stage hypnotist under investigation by the local constabulary…

sandro-wagner

Roberto Rivelino

Swarthy and moustachioed. Like the nefarious funfair owner they unmasked at the end of every episode of Scooby Doo…

rivelino-brazil

Zlatan Ibrahimovic

Lives as a recluse in the Swedish tundra after faking his own death to escape a multi-million pound lawsuit…

zlatan

Jose Enrique

Far too well-groomed to be trusted with anything…

jose-enrique

Dimitar Berbatov

Cares little about the charges brought against him by the Magic Circle…

SONY DSC

Image: Sony

Gareth Bale

Had his ‘Young Welsh Conjurer Of The Year, 2006’ award revoked in mysterious circumstances…

bale

David Villa

Worked the Mediterranean cruise ship circuit until a series of complaints were made…

david-villa

Luciano Spalletti

Not allowed to do children’s parties any more…

Luciano-Spalletti

And yes, before you mention it, we’re well aware this is mostly just a list of men with slightly iffy facial hair. So be it.

Honourable mentions…

Felice Centofanti (c/o James Taylor)

Professional pirate/magician – a ‘piragician’ if you will…

felice-centofanti

Any more for any more, Pies fans? Give us a nudge and we’ll tack any half-decent suggestions on the bottom.