The Times’ football boffin, Daniel Finkelstein (the man responsible for the brilliantly named Fink Tank column), has ranked every Premiership player based on some impossible-to-comprehend mathematical formula. It’s ‘a multivariate Poisson log-normal model’, if that means anything to you at all.
The rankings are based purely on players’ contributions to their team, not ‘abstract talent’, and so Frank Lampard ends up in 2nd place with Steven Gerrard – a better player, indisputably – down in 80th (!). Frankly, it’s all a load of scientific bollocks, but it still makes an interesting topic for pub debate.
To see Fink’s Top 10 Premiership Players of the Season, click below…
Finkelstein’s top ten players of the season:
1 Cristiano Ronaldo (Manchester United)
2 Frank Lampard (Chelsea)
3 Gilberto Silva (Arsenal)
4 Petr Cech (Chelsea)
5 Jens Lehmann (Arsenal)
6 Paul Scholes (Man Utd)
7 Tim Howard (Everton)
8 Nemanja Vidic (Man Utd)
9 Benni McCarthy (Blackburn)
10 Alexander Hleb (Arsenal)
Hleb! Hleb!!!!! Hleb??????!!!!! Madness gone mad. Gerrard in 80th position????!!!! Stick to long division Daniel.
And the five worst Prem players of the season, by position (the number is their overall ranking – lower numbers are worse, obviously):
Goalkeepers
344 Antti Niemi
381 Paddy Kenny
383 Jussi Jaaskelainen
391 Ben Foster
402 Paul Robinson
Defenders
390 Graeme Murty
393 Leighton Baines
396 Nicky Shorey
397 Phil Neville
398 Nicky Hunt
Midfield players
377 Gary O’Neil
378 Kevin Kilbane
380 Keith Gillespie
389 Matthew Etherington
395 Gavin Mahon
Forwards
394 Darius Henderson
399 El-Hadji Diouf
400 Tommy Smith
401 David Bentley
403 Kevin Davies
So Kevin Davies was the worst player in the Prem last season? He may be average, but he’s not that bad. And don’t ask me why David Bentley is listed as a forward.