Horror Hair Hall Of Fame: Misty-Eyed Retrospective Of Neymar’s Most Ludicrous Looks, 2010-2013

Chris Wright

2nd, August 2017

9 Comments

With Neymar about to make the second show-stopping enormo-move of his career, Pies thought we’d offer a timely glimpse back into his humble-ish beginnings at Santos.

Specifically, we simply fancied making fun of his old 2008-2013 hairstyles, almost all of which were astounding exercises in follicular folly.

So here, presented with our finest technical descriptions,  is the best/worst of the pre-Barcelona era presented in chronological order…

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‘Newborn Foal (w/Placenta)’ (May 2010)

‘Standard Short-Back-And-Sides w/ Three Mummified Stick Insects’ (2010)

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Improvised Roadkill Mohawk – Phase I  (Sep 2010)

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Improvised Roadkill Mohawk – Phase II (April 2011)

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Roadkill Mohawk – Wet Look (April 2011)

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Cinematic Masterpieces Collection: Rufio Tribute (June 2011)

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Cinematic Masterpiece Collection: Tina Turner in Mad Max III Tribute (June 2011)

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Radiation Sickness (July 2011)

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Norfolk Simpleton (July 2011)

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Portable Boot Scraper (July 2011)

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The ‘Somebody Left The Neymar Waxwork Facing The Radiator’ (July 2011)

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Botched Platypus Taxidermy (August 2011)

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‘Hat Must Be Worn Because Hair Has Become Sentient’ (Sep 2011)

Photo: Fernando Dantas/Gazeta Press

High On Peroxide Fumes (October 2011)

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Acute Peroxide Poisoning (December 2011)

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Coldstream Guard (May 2012)

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The ‘Jesus Didn’t Die For This’ (May 2012)

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Drowned Sewer Rat (June 2012)

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The Strangled Tangle With Mullet-Like Dangle (July 2012)

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Post-Apocalyptic Street Orphan (July 2012)

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The ‘What’s Got Two Thumbs And Looks Like A Brass Dildo?’ (2013)

And that was pretty much the last of Neymar’s out-and-out disaster barnets, right up until this little corker from June 2017…

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Pies fans, please feel free to pick your own name for that modern day abomination!

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