Top 20 Most Slappable Premier League Footballers
By Ollie Irish
Updating a popular list we first published back in March 2007…
Photos: PA
NB. This is an entirely subjective list, which no doubt many of you will quibble with. Feel free to comment on your most slappable players, especially if it makes you feel better about me disagreeing with your opinion.

















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Fletch and Gallas missing the list is a travesty.
Jose Antonio Reyes, cannot stand the bufty.
Did you forget Lee Bowyer is a premier league player?
I think you did…
vidic??!?! that ones lost on me.
Matt taylor and obviously joey barton
Haha, Diouf looks like he has a halo on top of his head. how ironic
hes not a player but phil brown would get a big slap round his satsuma face
Gerrard defo would top my list. Cheating diving whining little shit. Id dig him with so many lefts he’ed be crying out for a right.
All of Chelsea, except for Joe Cole, Alex (As that would be extremely foolish) and Belletti.
Gareth Bale! I cringe when I see his face and the way the douche runs…
Come on, no Eboue???
He’s a biggest crybaby in the premier league, yet he will quite happily take out somebody two footed and then plead his innocence
You can’t slap David Bentley, he has a lovely face!
Good list, and hard to disagree with any of your choices. I’d probably add Kevin Prince Boateng, Fabregas, Gallas and Judas Campbell though.
i sure hope you don’t get paid for making lists like these.
i mean you could at least justify yourself. “something dislikable” “look at his face” and “you know why” on 3 occasions.
comment #9 Nick – you used the word “douche”. you sir, deserve the slap.
David Bentley = #1
Carlos Tevez belongs at the top of the list, even given the other slappable douches on City.
What about Diaby? Hes not a prick or anything its just the fact hes a lazy pathetic cunt
Nani needs a good backhand, Gallas too…but I’m afraid Gallas might pick up an injury if he gets slapped.
ollie needs a firm slap on teh face !
Good work, I agree with nearly every one, as a Liverpool fan I have to disagree with a couple, although I could give Masch myself. Michael Brown would sneak into my list somewhere.
Please; Ballack and Ferdinand :O
Drogba should be No 1. That greasy, rolling on the floor for 20mins in the game, @##$%
Cahill i could kind of understand with the flag, Shawcross….why would you? and the biggest injustice of them all Vidic…..the man is a robot how do you mean he cant take them???? Other than that the list is spot on……would replace Shawcross and Vidic with Joey Barton and Fabregas……i can’t stand him at all!!!
I know he’s a mananger, but I think every Liverpool fan should have the chance to lay into Rafa Benetiz at least one time. No way on Vidic and can’t believe Tevez isn’t #1 with a bullet!
Where is Ricardo Carvalho?
Where is Carlos Teves?
Where is William Gallas?
Where is Micael Ballack?
Where is Micael Brown?
Where is Lee Bowyer?
Not exactly players but…
Arsehole Wenger
Rafael Benitez
Come on.
Defoe, Vidic, Owen, all a tad harsh.
Agree on Terry, Cole, Diouf, Bellamy, Mascherano, Adebayor. Would add Tevez, Bowyer, Pedersen, Campbell, DeJong, Jenas, Fabio AND Rafael, Fuller and Skrtel. And Fabianski, because he sucks.
comment # 13. “fredo corleone” sweet name choice way to go for the “douchiest” of the three brothers in the corleone family…douche
After Cantona, have to say that Gary’s my favourite player right now.
Where on earth is Robbie Savage? He is an absolute cretin!
gary neville #1, and i’d fly to madrid to slap ronaldo
Where, the fook, is LUCAS LEIVA???
If you dont like van persie you deserved to get a cumshot in ur ear
No Fabregas or Arshavin? As ruler of the internet, I declare this list invalid.
[...] ‘Pies features a list of the 20 most slappable Premier League players. [...]
Chris says:
May 26, 2010 at 1:43 pm
Jose Antonio Reyes, cannot stand the bufty.
Maestro says:
May 27, 2010 at 12:22 am
Where on earth is Robbie Savage? He is an absolute cretin!
Yes, they both still play in the Premier League ………………..
@Fitzy: Yeah I know, I only realised it was a ‘Prem only’ list after I submitted the comment.
Anyway, I stand by my choice!
Vidic.
Owen is very harsh in my opinion. David Bentley would have been No.1 for me. Horrible individual
[...] Who Ate All The Pies [...]
list is complete shit.
as if cahill is annoying because he punches the flag….thats his celebration the boxing kangaroo you dont put nani there for his acrobats or tevez for his as shake… but then again…your a spurs fan you dont know s*** about football!!
My 3 would be … 1. TOTTI dat TWAT has no respect for humanity.. he needs to be spit on by PIGS.. 2. Paul scholes a.k.a CUNT SCHOLES has a lot of pride his self esteem goes fkn low…wen youngsters snatch d ball frm him… needs to be whipped by MOurinhO 3. Rooney CUNT OF A SORT… arrogant , Sly BItch… trips down Players wen he cant get d Ball…! FKN deserves a PUnch..!
ur obviously very biased
how about benoit assou akkoto..spurs fans know why
aaron lenon for his horrid eyebrow styling
luka (midget) modric..no particular reason ..jus to see if he could handle a little tap
and any player who ever played 4 spurs..:-P
GOONER 4 LIFE
I’m so glad Shawcross is on this list! What an arsehole!
But Drogba should be #1… ARGH. HE IRRITATES ME SOOO MUCH.
cahill, drogba, neville, terry, and fabregas ID SLAP HIM WITH A CRICKET BAT !
HEY DICKFACE i dont know why.. why are carra nad gerro on this list?
id slap the whole arsenal team… including the scandalous wenger!
#7 dave is a dickless fuck!