In the light of Shay Given‘s overdue criticism of Newcastle’s ‘sub-pub standard defence’ (Titus, I think he means you), here’s Who Ate All the Pies’ Premiership Pub XI, featuring eleven players who you might not be surprised to find yourself up against on a rainy Sunday morning on Hackney Marshesâ€¦
Who Ate All the Pies Premiership Pub XI continuedâ€¦
Pepe Reina A big unit, but prone to calamitous errors. Just like a pub-team keeper, basically.
Ben Thatcher Because every pub XI needs a mindless thug.
Titus Bramble First name on the team sheet.
Ricardo Carvalho The flash foreigner who always tries to beat the whole team on his own.
Phil Neville Mr Reliable. Ie. won’t have a pint with the lads after the game â€“ drinks orange juice instead.
Robbie Savage The type of player who winds you up constantly. Foul him.
Darren Fletcher Tenacious Scots lad, runs around like a headless chicken. Not a lot of skill though.
Gareth Barry (capt.) His main talent is collecting subs every week.
Sean Wright-Phillips There’s always one player in any pub team who is much too fast for the wheezy thirtysomethings to mark. SWP fits the bill.
Paul Dickov Annoying little Scotsman, the backbone of every pub team.
Leroy Lita Reading’s headbutt master (allegedly) would be able to sort out any trouble, backed up by Messrs Savage and Dickov.