With the hot news that some Premier League matches could be played abroad from 2011to further the league’s global appeal, Pies finds suitably tongue-in-cheek locations for the 20 current incumbents to call they second home.
Arsenal – Paris
For years people have been saying that Arsene Wenger has been running a French Embassy at the Gunners so why not pitch up at the Stade de France?
Aston Villa – Rome
Tom Hanks: “What suburb of Rome is Aston Villa from?”
Birmingham – Memphis
Home of the Blues
Blackburn Rovers – Tokyo
Mark Hughes’ martial arts brand of football will truly be appreciated in the homeland of karate.
Bolton – Qatar
Qatar is like a retirement pasture for old Bolton players anyway, so it is a great way to get them acclimatised.
Chelsea – Moscow
Don’t think this one needs spelling out!
Derby County – Auckland
There are apparently four sheep for ever human in New Zealand, so a few lost Rams won’t look out of place.
Everton – Lagos
Seems as good a place as any to start the search for Yakubu!
Fulham – San Francisco
A city that already has its fair share of Cottagers.
Liverpool – Dubai
What better way to woo the investors than playing in their backyard?
Manchester City – Rio de Janeiro
Makes Sven’s scouting missions easier.
Manchester United – Calais
Closer than Old Trafford for most United fans.
Middlesbrough – Berlin
A lot of clubs would want to play in the impressive Olympiastadion but it’s not what you know, it’s Huth you know.
Newcastle United – Antarctica
Plenty of ready made black-and-white clad fans and a few degrees warmer than the Geordies are used to.
Portsmouth – Naples
Play up Pompeii…
Reading – Hay-on-Wye
Apparently loads of people go there for reading anyway.
Sunderland – Dublin
Everything else about the club is Irish, including the chairman and manger, so the home ground might as well be.
Tottenham Hotspur – Dallas
They love Spurs in the Wild West.
West Ham – Marbella
It’s the obvious getaway for East End wideboys, innit?
Wigan – Las Vegas
Titus Bramble’s Travelling Slapstick Show would be the hottest ticket in town.