Luis Suarez Bite Prompts PFA To Offer Him Anger Management Counselling

Chris Wright

22nd, April 2013

16 Comments

By Chris Wright

“Nom nom nom”

After feasting uponst Branislav Ivanovic’s flesh at Anfield yesterday, the PFA have offered to help Luis Suarez curb his cannibalistic tendencies by putting him on a strictly vegan diet one of their anger management counselling courses.

PFA chief executive Gordon Taylor said:

“There is no doubting [Suarez’s] football ability, that’s why it is so disappointing and embarrassing when he lets himself down.

“We have to work hard on anger management now. We have trained counsellors in this field and we will be offering their services to Liverpool and the player to try to improve matters.”

Will it work? Will it buggery! The PFA should approach this the same way in which all rodents are weened off eating one another. Behaviour modification therapy. A couple of stout high-voltage electrodes in the brain never fails.

In other news, Suarez has announced that, while an FA charge is still forthcoming (it’s a 24-week ban for a second offence of biting in Rugby Union – fingers crossed), he has been fined by Liverpool and has asked for money to go to Hillsborough Family Support Group.

What a precious dear.

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Posted in Chelsea, FAIL, Hardmen, Injuries, Liverpool

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16 Comments

  1. syndex says:

    Anger management for suarez and a tetanus shot for ivanovic

  2. porcelain sandwich says:

    Asking the fine to go to Hillsborough victims is clearly a cheap attempt to win back the fans. It’s Liverpool’s money, they should spend it how they want.

  3. Swiss Mafia says:

    Half or more of the blame should go to Rodgers. Every time Suarez did something out of line Rodgers was always quick to defend him no matter the situation. As if Suarez could never do anything wrong, and was always the victim. Even in the post match interview (of the biting incident) he still wouldn’t say anything bad about his star player and was trying to avoid the question. Your star player is a massive liability in your team so deal with it properly and stop pampering him in any given circumstance. As a result you get Suarez acting like he is untouchable. Rodgers should have stepped up to this sort of behaviour a while ago as it was a long time coming for Suarez. A real shame that such talent came along with such personality.

  4. Anonymous says:

    In the words of Bronn, “you cant cure a c*nt”

  5. tipo 00 says:

    porcelain sandwich, i agree. so suarez bites someone, liverpool fine him to make it look like they’re doing something about it, and he asks them to give the money to the hillsborough fund thing to make himself look better. at least that’ll keep the liverpool fans on his side. using a massive tragedy to try and get him out of trouble. classy. top work liverpool, again.

    he’s dragging liverpool down but i doubt they’d sack their best player, they’d probably be in the bottom half of the table if it wasn’t for them. a once great club now a bit a joke club. liverpool seriously need a new pr department.

  6. Big Son says:

    Chris Wright, are you a failed writer for the Daily Mail per chance?
    Brilliant and impartial coverage as always

  7. Moxey says:

    Although it was a disgusting act and Suarez is indeed a massive tit, this article is ridiculously anti-Suarez.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Yeah, this is far too anti-Suarez. We should be lauding him for this brave and noble act. Not only should there be no fine, but the FA should award him money, and give him the fairplay award, and player of the year, just because.

  9. anon says:

    Boohoo where’s all those tiny violins playing for the poor, hard-done by Luis with everyone out to get him?!

    I can guarantee he’ll get banned for the last few games of the season, when Liverpool have absolutely nothing to play for (other than try to prove to the world they’re anything more than a mid table side), but there is no way the FA or EPL people would dare ban him for next season and affect LFCs chance of getting back towards europe – they’ll make money with LFC in the competition, and fining a goofy millionaire a few quid seems to be the best fix. Chomp away Luis, chomp away – no real punishment gets given.

  10. robbie says:

    So, without this fine, Luis would have picked up his wages as normal and the hillsboro charity would have stayed as normal, but now, he’s been fined – suddenly he thinks its important to give money to the hillsboro charity to show what a nice racist cheat he is?!?!? Is anyone else seeing a floor in this logic?! I wonder how many millionaire redshite’s put their hand in their pocket for the charity that’s oh so important to them without being forced?!

  11. dc says:

    Literally could not care less that he bit another player during a game. Disgusting act?– Did he even leave a mark? Why don’t we move on from sensationalism and watch some f@cking football?

  12. Moxey says:

    I don’t know if he left a mark. What I think is disgusting is that he appeared to bite him purely to get Ivanovic to swing out at him and get a penalty.
    I’d also like to mention I’m a Liverpool fan and I’m not defending him. Like the other article claimed some Liverpool fans would be.

  13. marajonna says:

    This isn’t the BBC, he doesn’t need to be impartial and why the hell wouldn’t an article about Suarez biting another human be anti Suarez??? If pool fans don’t rally against him this time they’ll have lost all credibility. He’s an embarrassment and they should aim higher.

  14. Terry Shedingham says:

    And yet nothing at all for Aguero?

  15. Moxey says:

    @marajonna. I’m saying what I did because if you look at the article about Aguero’s tackle from the Cup semi-final there isn’t any comment about wanting him to be banned for 24 weeks.

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