Man City Finally Release Michael Johnson – Behold His Horrible Fat Disgusting Bloated Lardo Monster Face!

Chris Wright

15th, January 2013


By Chris Wright

Michael Johnson circa 2008

Having made his last appearance for the club as a substitute against Scunthorpe in October 2009, Manchester City have today finally released long-dormant midfielder Michael Johnson. ‘Tis a sad, sad day for football.

According to the Guardian, Johnson was offered a severance package by City before Christmas after being convicted of two drink-driving offences last September, but the 24-year-old declined – preferring to sit on his arse and collect his weekly wages (which we’ve seen estimated an anywhere between £25,000-£40,000 every seven days) while he became ever more out of shape and unfit.

Sounds like a dream job to us, but hey ho!

A photo of Johnson as he looks today is currently being circulated, which has been reacted to in some circles – i.e, Twitter – as if Johnson has transmogrified into the kind of freakish, heavingly obese 45-stone monster that has to be lifted in a specially-made sling by a tower crane just to get out of his chair.

In actuality, he just looks like a fairly normal young lad who’s been injured for nigh-on three years a put a couple of stone on…

Yes, it’s sad that a once-promising talent has petered out and, yes, it’s also sad that he didn’t appear to be able to help himself, but let’s not get unnecessarily vicious about this people.

(Image: BBC Sporf)

Posted in Man City

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  1. Turbo says:

    It’s easy to get injured when your unfit and out of shape because you spend to much time in Casinos and on the tiles. By all accounts the Man City medical staff couldn’t find any long term problems with him but he just didn’t want to stay in shape.

    It’s sad to see a talented footballer be happy to rot whilst collecting huge wages. I’m sure the influx of big name players didn’t help motivate him when he first got injured though as his fight to get back in the team was so great.

    I hope he can turn it around but even Championship teams will take a wide berth.

  2. joe says:

    Such a shame- he was a bit good back in his day. I thought we had a new Lampard on or hands for a second back in 2008. Only in size, as it turns out.

  3. gilbert says:

    image: BBC SporF ? sorry.

  4. JM says:

    glad to see you are helping out youth unemployment by employing 8 year olds to write your headlines.

    get a grip.

  5. Sam says:


    BBC Sporf is a spoof twitter of BBC Sport

  6. RA says:


    Reports have surfaced which state that Michael Johnson has been in the hospital for a number of years seeking treatment for his mental health.

    I understand that this was posted in good humor (as always) and without any knowledge of these facts. However, I think it would be appropriate to remove this post in light of these revelations. I seem to remember a rather long post about the stigmatization of mental health issues when Gary Speed passed away…

    • Chris says:

      @RA: Yes, I was aware. Very sad that such a young man has been worn down so quickly. It happens.

      That said, the post (and headline for those who missed the point) stays. I wasn’t insulting Johnson in any way, more satirising the general response to his obvious plight from the press and from the social media circles.

      Instead of sympathy, there was almost blanket mockery – the worst part being that it was entirely inevitable.

  7. Calski says:

    “but let’s not get unnecessarily vicious about this people”

    So you went for that headline?

    Lazy journalism springs to mind.

  8. Mr. Chopper says:

    Wow. Way to miss the general vibe of Pies, fellas. If Chris has to spend half his time explaining articles to you they might end up having to change the URL to instead.

  9. XYZZZ says:

    Love the title :D
    Fat people are disgrace. They should go be fat somewhere else

  10. Zeke says:

    Who ate all the pies? : Michael Johnson.

  11. Mike says:

    Readers seem very sorry for Gazza yet very cruel toward Johnson. Puzzling.

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