Let’s all laugh at… Carlos Tevez on the bench for Man City

Ollie Irish

18th, August 2009

83 Comments

From this:
PA-7192854.jpg
“Screw you, old Scotsman. Carlitos have last laugh…”


To this:
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“Yeaahh, how you like theese onion, Senor Ferguson?! No more bench for Carlitos.”
And then back to this:
PA-7708752.jpg
“@*!*.”
The circle of life, my friends, the circle of life.
DISCLAIMER AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE THAT MIGHT NOT BE READ BY ANGRY CITY FANS: This post is not to be taken seriously. The author is well-aware that Tevez started on the bench at Ewood Park because he was not 100% fit.

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83 Comments

  1. Stuart Latham says:

    He has been injured for 3 weeks and had 15 minutes on the pitch during pre-season, you numpty.
    Fergie, Fergie sign him up, Fergie sign him up! Ha Ha
    Carlos please stay, we love you! Ha Ha
    Carlos Tevez is a blue, is a blue, he hates Fergie! Ha Ha

  2. Anonymous says:

    “DISCLAIMER AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE THAT MIGHT NOT BE READ BY ANGRY CITY FANS: This post is not to be taken seriously. The author is well-aware that Tevez started on the bench at Ewood Park because he was not 100% fit.”
    So, effectively, you’re saying that this whole ‘article’ is pointless. Well done.
    Oh, what’s that on your hands?……… Ah, I see, it’s too much time.

  3. Jon (London) says:

    FAIL

  4. comedygeniusnot@whoateallthepies.com says:

    No, I think it might be semen on his hands as he was probably overcome with excitement at finding those photos. Think I’ll have a try at this comedy genius lark… “Oh look, United have dropped Van Der Sar, Fnar Fnar”. Disclaimer: I am fully aware that Van Der Sar is in fact injured. Funny anyone?

  5. Anonymous says:

    Brilliant!

  6. Dave says:

    What was the point in writing it if you know he was on bench because of fitness?

  7. Dickie says:

    Well I enjoyed it, even if some seem to have no sense of humour. If you don’t find it funny, why waste your time commenting so?
    Viva Pies!

  8. Dickie says:

    Well I enjoyed it, even if some seem to have no sense of humour. If you don’t find it funny, why waste your time commenting so?
    Viva Pies!

  9. Colin says:

    Dickie your name suits you, what a prick.
    As for the article writer, his name has Irish in it, so he is probably a jealous Man u fan.
    What a cunt!

  10. Ollie says:

    It’s a sad day when you think you have a decent, informed bunch of readers but the majority turn out to be the sort of thick, unimaginative c**ts who work in marketing and cite “Oasis” as their favourite band and “Goodfellas” as their favourite movie.
    The juxtaposition of the three photos struck me as funny – Tevez escaped United because he didn’t want to be stuck on the bench, then in City’s first meaningful game this season he was on the bench. The fact he was injured is besides the point.

  11. Richard, Withington says:

    Sorry Ollie but becuase he was injured is the point and makes this whole article nondescript and contrived.

  12. Anonymous says:

    With quality journalism like this – its no wonder this site is sh#te

  13. Calvinho says:

    Just goes to show how little you know or understand about football Ollie.
    As ís stated in other posts, Carlos had had 20 minutes of pre-season action prior to our game against Blackburn.
    On what basis, then, did his fitness qualify him for a 1st team spot ?
    And the crying shame out of all of this is that so many loudmouth internet article writers have such a large ego (quite why is beyond me, it’s the equivalent of keeping a magazine article that no-one finds funny) that they aren’t willing to hold their hands up and admit their mistake.
    I’m just willing to bet that you’re one (as your inevitable silence will show).
    Still, a million chimps with a million typewriters, eh ?

  14. Ollie says:

    Men called Colin = always tedious c**ts. Always.
    Yeah, look at that Justin Timberlake – he’s probably a lumberjack or something! Jesus wept.

  15. Calvinho says:

    Just goes to show how little you know or understand about football Ollie.
    As ís stated in other posts, Carlos had had 20 minutes of pre-season action prior to our game against Blackburn.
    On what basis, then, did his fitness qualify him for a 1st team spot ?
    And the crying shame out of all of this is that so many loudmouth internet article writers have such a large ego (quite why is beyond me, it’s the equivalent of keeping a magazine article that no-one finds funny) that they aren’t willing to hold their hands up and admit their mistake.
    I’m just willing to bet that you’re one (as your inevitable silence will show).
    Still, a million chimps with a million typewriters, eh ?

  16. Calvinho says:

    Just goes to show how little you know or understand about football Ollie.
    As ís stated in other posts, Carlos had had 20 minutes of pre-season action prior to our game against Blackburn.
    On what basis, then, did his fitness qualify him for a 1st team spot ?
    And the crying shame out of all of this is that so many loudmouth internet article writers have such a large ego (quite why is beyond me, it’s the equivalent of keeping a magazine article that no-one finds funny) that they aren’t willing to hold their hands up and admit their mistake.
    Instead you claim that it is ‘besides the point’ and claim that ‘it struck YOU (important word this) as funny’.
    Still, a million chimps with a million typewriters, eh ?

  17. If you think thats bad there trying to buy the Elephant Man from Everton, to be his mate.
    Man City are without doubt the ugliest bunch of money grabbers in the league !!

  18. Anonymous says:

    So your disclaimer makes this article a complete waste of time. I’ll send you an invoice for 5 minutes of my time you cock

  19. Ollie says:

    @ Calvinho (or Calvin, as his mum calls him):
    http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/2009/08/mark_hughes_doe.html
    I knew Tevez wasn’t fit. So what? As I explained, using WORDS, the photos struck me as amusing. Calm down, dears, it’s only a game.

  20. Anonymous says:

    FERGIE SIGN HIM UP! FERGIE FERGIE SIGN HIM UP! FERGIE SIGN HIM UP!
    Let’s laugh at all the rags, being screwed over by their own club! Enjoy

  21. Calvinho says:

    To clarify, Oliver, ‘Ollie’ DOES NOT sound cooler.
    You’ll always be a pickpocket or a metrosexual southerner.

  22. KEN says:

    Stupid …Ollie Irish
    HA HA HA HA HA HA
    HA HA HA HA HA HA
    HA HA HA HA HA HA
    HA HA HA HA HA HA
    HA HA HA HA HA HA
    HA HA HA HA HA HA

  23. Anonymous says:

    Let’s all laugh at… Tevez not being on the rags bench
    Let’s all laugh at… Owen sat on the rags bench
    Let’s all laugh at… Owen coming off the rags bench
    Let’s all laugh at… Owen not scoring
    Let’s all laugh at… Owen’s knee exploding

  24. Kevin says:

    Sore heel, not 100% – he’s hardly going to start? And I’m not a City fan……

  25. Anonymous says:

    Jesus Christ. The guy posts a funny article – and it genuinely is funny, there’s no denying that you humourless City fan goons – that highlights the shallow money grabbing nature of good old Carlitos, and you can’t see the funny side?!
    Great article, great site. Ollie you’re a legend.

  26. Dan says:

    Someone touched a nerve here…
    I found it funny, but then i’m a rovers fan.

  27. anonymously says:

    Man united now thats funny!!!!

  28. Joe says:

    Big deal, he’s rubbish anyway. City paid 5m for every league goal he scored last year.

  29. Calvinho says:

    Anonymous (12:06 PM), as Olivers mother you really should be using the name on his birth certificate.
    O.l.i.v.e.r.
    Secondly, how does the fact that he was injured highlight his money grabbing nature, exactly ?
    Love & kisses,
    Olivers real Dad* (Calvin)

  30. use utd fans are so sad , hes beeen injured u daft twats , carlos tevez is a blue is a blue , carlos tevez is a blue he hates MUNICH’S !!!!

  31. Anonymous says:

    Doesn’t appear that these comments are humourless city fans, just looks like the Ollie’s got a bitter streak running through him and wanted to make a point to get back at City. Only problem was, his point had no meat in it so he tried to turn it in to a joke…epic fail.
    Go back to your porn sites Ollie and play with yourself again, leave the comedy to the professionals.

  32. Anonymous says:

    Hang on if Ollie didn’t post on this site, who would you wine at? Are there other contibuters Ollie or is it just you?
    P.S. Calvin when your finger gets tired from pressing the refresh key just remember that Ollie probably gets paid for this, you however have to go and finish your paper round…oh no its raining.

  33. City Slicker says:

    This is the sort of humour you expect from five year olds or people with the IQ of a ManU fan.
    Fergie, Fergie sign him up! Now that is hilarious.
    Looks like Vidic and Ferdinand have been dropped. Cor that’s so funny. I couldn’t stop chortling to myself and Hargreaves has been dropped for ages, along with Gary “passes it to Goater – Goal!” Neville. Can’t stop laughing at such amazing humour. Lots your sense of humour lads, or too much time on your hands?

  34. Calvinho says:

    Felicity (anonymous 12:34 PM/Olivers mum),
    If Oliver didn’t post this ‘rubbish’ I would whine (spelling) at no-one, just continue working through my lunch-break in my very comfortable, well-paid job (I have to pay the child support for him somehow, and – for what it’s worth – I think we should get him into some sort of treatment for his pathological lying).
    PS. Even though I am Mancunian, it’s not raining where I am, infact it’s a very balmy 28 degrees.

  35. Sheps says:

    Bloody hell pipe down you lot was just a small jibe at Tevez for ending up on the bench again.
    Anyone would think you’re paying to access this website – if you don’t like it don’t whinge just spend your time reading another blog!

  36. Felicity says:

    I’m NOT Ollies mum actually!
    Whats your well paid job then, its 22degrees here and i’ve got my bikini on, here come the tan!

  37. Sheps says:

    Bloody hell pipe down you lot was just a small jibe at Tevez for ending up on the bench again.
    Anyone would think you’re paying to access this website – if you don’t like it don’t whinge just spend your time reading another blog!

  38. Calvinho says:

    It wasn’t a small jibe, it was a deliberately erroneous statement from a person named Oliver who would seem to have something against either Carlos Tevez, Manchester City, or – as I suspect he is a Manchester Utd supporter – both.
    (http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/2009/07/carlos_tevez_si.html)
    Secondly (and this is for Felicity), you know very well what I do and please – for the love of god – put some clothes on. No wonder Oliver spends so much time writing spurious articles on the internet.

  39. Dickie says:

    I agree Sheps, this is a funny blog with good observations. Its all tongue in cheek anyway.

  40. X says:

    1 game on the bench through injury and you lot go into over drive
    united fans, always think there gospel
    3 words

    your not funny
    :)

  41. X says:

    1 game on the bench through injury and you lot go into over drive
    united fans, always think there gospel
    3 words

    your not funny
    :)

  42. Don’t give up your day job,”OH unless it’s this!”.

  43. fran says:

    you forgot to say, santa cruz left blackburn for 17million
    and did not even make the bench, by the same token hargreaves did not make the bench at the swamp,next you will be asking why jimmy greaves did not start for spurs

  44. fran says:

    you forgot to say, santa cruz left blackburn for 17million
    and did not even make the bench, by the same token hargreaves did not make the bench at the swamp,next you will be asking why jimmy greaves did not start for spurs

  45. Ollie says:

    @ Fran: So why didn’t Jimmy Greaves start for Spurs. Do tell…
    How many times do I need to make the point. This whole post is all about the reason why Tevez left United. It’s called irony, folks.

  46. Anonymous says:

    Christ, so much anger over nothing. No wonder Britain is pretty much fucked.

  47. Calvinho says:

    I suppose we have to congratulate Oliver on being able to formulate a new blog posting in a relatively short delay after the ‘Who ate all the Pies’ editorial staff decided that his article ‘Daniel Jarque stripped of Espanyol captaincy’ was in bad taste…..

  48. Calvinho says:

    It’s actually called ‘a crusade’, Oliver.
    Nothing in the least to do with why he left Utd (unless that reason was being on the bench due to the fact that he was recovering from injury).
    And, Oliver, I don’t believe it was, was it ?

  49. kathmcp says:

    Move on Calvinho, you’ve proved beyond a doubt now that you have no comprehension of irony or humour and certainly no ability to let things go when they are not actually that important. If you have so much to say go and write your own blog, and let the people who enjoy this one do so in peace.

  50. Calvinho says:

    Kath,
    I’m just enjoying myself.
    If Oliver can refuse to let things go (see his article of July 14th 2009), and spout absolute b*llocks (see above), then why aren’t we all allowed to ?
    And stick to the blog itself if you are offended by dissent.
    It does afterall ask us to leave comments (in general, not just if we agree with this nonsense).

  51. kathmcp says:

    Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaah….ahem. Calvinho, that is classic – “if I am offended by dissent”. That is brilliant. Oh you do get irony after all. Or was that completely accidental? Do you see what you did just there? You posted in the first place cos you were offended by someone who had an opinion you disagreed with, then you use that line when someone disagrees with you. Brilliant in its irony. Nice work by you. Oh…it WAS by accident…

  52. BCFC says:

    If a player is on the bench he is fit imo.
    City are wankers

  53. Calvinho says:

    Kath,
    Aren’t you the person against dissent ?
    xxx
    Calvinho

  54. Calvinho says:

    Kath,
    Aren’t you the person against dissent ?
    xxx
    Calvinho

  55. Me says:

    Wow… and I thought West Spam fans were bitter… you Citeh fans are pathetic… I hate Man Utd but I think I hate you lot more… get a little bit of pocket money and you think everyone’s jealous of you… try growing up! This article is clearly a joke and you obviously take yourselves far too seriously. Let’s face it your not going to win anything this year and you’re all deluded if you think that spending millions will actually win you anything… look at Leeds… personally I don’t think you’ll win anything till you get rid of Hughes… you need a proper manager. Crap article only ever meant to wind up Citeh fans and boy did it wind you up!!! I’d be embarressed to be a Citeh supporter, especially after the twat of a supporter who got a tattoo of the Citeh champions league winners 2011 on his arm… MUPPET!!!

  56. Tim says:

    No fan base has taken a bigger fall from grace than City fans these last few months. Learn to take a joke and stop taking your team so serious. If your team is going to spend big you better be ready for some abuse…and so far city fans have taken everything beyond personal.
    Lighten UP!
    Ollie, where is the top 10 things from this weekend post. Let us have it already.

  57. Ollie says:

    New City fans

  58. Calvinho says:

    Me,
    I agree with you that :
    (a) We think everyone is jealous of us (correctly, if you go by the press)
    (b) We’re PROBABLY not going to win anything this year (well certainly not the Premier League, if that’s what you’re getting at)
    (c) It’s a crap article
    The thing is that these (at least the first two) are the views of most City fans, but the press – and other supporters – treat us like we are fans of a Big 4 side who think that we will win everything.
    We’ve supported our team through thin & thinner, and realise that this will be a gradual process (which no-one else seems to think we do).
    Even our (very sensible & realistic) owners have come out and said ‘Top 6 is our goal this season’ but this seems to have gone un-reported with Sky, BBC etc. punits saying that anything but the Top 4 will be failure, and Hughes job will be on the line.
    Two things that I disagree on are the Hughes comment, and the Leeds comment (because we aren’t borrowing money).
    That is all.

  59. Calvinho says:

    Oliver,
    ‘New’ City fans. LOL.
    We aren’t Manchester Utd fans, you know.
    Please don’t judge us by your own fans’ – admittedly low – standards.
    (Personally I probably went to my first City match before you were even born).

  60. Me says:

    Calvinho.. if there were more Citeh supporters like you, then I probably wouldn’t have written the above. My brother in law is a big Citeh supporter and even he has been getting carried away, telling me how you’re going to win this and win that. I would personally love a club like Citeh to gatecrash the top four, but when someone writes a stupid article like this and the supporters all start posting stupid childish replies it just pisses me off. I’m not jealous, I’m glad more quality is being brought into the premiership it strenthens the claim that the premiership is the best league in the world and we get to watch quality players week in week out. Did you watch MOTD at the weekend? Citeh supporters were being interviewed and getting carried away, you can’t just blame the media and by some of the responses on here you can see why people are having a pop at Citeh. And I do believe that Mark Hughes is NOT the man for the job, I think he’s your weakest link.

  61. Calvinho says:

    Every team has it’s idiots, but you can bet that they edited out all of the responses where people were a little more guarded with their responses.
    Afterall, that’s no fun, is it ?
    Facing facts, every club in the Premiership (bar Chelsea probably) would be the same if they suddenly had an unrestricted transfer budget, and this will – naturally – lead to a bit of giddiness (as it would with any teams’ fans who have not won anything for 33 years, been in a major final for 28 years, and been in the third tier of English football just 10 years ago).
    But speak to any sensible City fan that you like, and they’ll tell you that a Champions League place would represent a ‘dream’ season, but that 5th or 6th is more likely.
    Our real assault on the Top 4 will begin next season, when our players have been in the same team for a year, and minor tweaks are made in order that we can compete.

  62. Ollie says:

    And when did you go to your first City match, Calvinho? Do tell…

  63. Calvinho says:

    1985.
    At home v. Shrewsbury.
    Won 5-0.
    Rock ‘n’ Roll, eh ?

  64. Ollie says:

    @ Calvinho: 1985! Pah! I was indeed born by then – I was 13 years old when you saw your first game. Not that it matters, but four years earlier I watched City lose to Spurs in the FA Cup final replay. Appy days.

  65. Calvinho says:

    Jesus.
    You must even have been alive when Denis Law scored his backheel at O.T.
    :-D

  66. Ollie says:

    And I edit no comments.

  67. Me says:

    Calvinho
    As a Spurs supporter, watching my team spend over £194,000,000.00 in the last 2 years (5 transfer windows) does not guarantee success… this year or next

  68. Calvinho says:

    I agree, there is no guarantee at all.
    That#s just how I think it’ll pan out (an when I say ‘assault on the Top 4’, I don’t necessarily mean ‘successful’).
    Look, since 2000 Chelsea have spent about 800m on players, and Liverpool & Man Utd both 600m. City – including this summer – have spent about 400m, so whilst other clubs say that we are trying to ‘buy success’, you can just look at it that we are trying to ‘buy our way to closing the gap’.
    The unfortunate reality is that you have to spend to win stuff (as Arsenal have shown this last 5 years). The problem that the Top 4 fans have is that if a new club does come to the fore (be it us or someone else) then one or more of them is going to have to make way (and the current financial plight of Manchester Utd & Liverpool means that they would suffer greatly if they were to miss out on the Champions League).

  69. Mandy says:

    oh my the disclaimer did nothing but incite them–while it is quite funny to see the irony of those who obviously have nothing to do but complain about someone having enough time on his hands to poke a little fun at your beloved club…here’s an idea…instead of writing these novels as comments go start your own blog at iloveciteh.wefail.com

  70. Calvinho says:

    Good to see that Ollie has got another of the girls from his aunts sewing circle to give him moral support.
    Tea & biscuits, dear ?

  71. Marques says:

    It’s funny how losers like Calvinho or whatevr the fuck he wants to call himself will read a blog by a man he tries to bash.
    Grow the FUCK up!

  72. Mandy says:

    Oh Calvin–thank you kindly deary…but I’d prefer some wine made from your sour grapes.

  73. StevieGisTheMan says:

    Geez fellas, give Ollie a break. His site’s been fooked with for weeks and now it finally comes back up and he gets all this shit? Usually the content on this site is top notch and very sarcastic like this Tevez call out. He’s a Spurs fan too so the Manchester United/City argument doesn’t even come in to play.

  74. K says:

    City fans have no sense of humour.
    Boring bitter bastards.

  75. denver says:

    so this is just a bit of fun / banter mmmm what shall us city fans do get all upset and throw paint at the article.
    i see the ironic side but it would bebetter if you waited a while as when you have a quality squad every player will start on the bench at some point.
    so would have been better waiting o well

  76. Matilda says:

    I thought it was quite funny. Clearly everyone else just has their knickers in a twist.

  77. Fredmeister says:

    Seriously chaps: Ollie, and all other contributors to this blog in the past, have been taking the piss out of United, Chelski, the Arse amd the Scouse for YEARS, and Im pretty sure I have never seen someone see their arse like that.
    Classic City fan, small club with a small mentality. You crack up faster than a porcelain Rafa.
    Ollie IS funny (Hes a spurs fan for a start), city fans have no sense of humour, VIVA LA PIES.

  78. Me says:

    I love everyone… even calvinho began to speak reasonable sense towards the end of the discussion..
    ;-)
    I’m still really stunned to have read in a paper today that a Citeh fan has had a tattoo put on his arm stating
    “Citeh 2011 champion league winners” What a numpty!

  79. naren says:

    Fantastic And brilliant

  80. machine goooner funk says:

    wow you shiteh twats are a miserable lot. jesus lots of dim bulbs up north

  81. Ollie says:

    Thanks for the support, peoples. I too was a little shocked at just how touchy some City fans are now. I’ll take the piss out of any player, no matter what club he plays for – that includes my own Spurs.

  82. ARGENTINO says:

    CITY 1-0 Barcelona

  83. PCP says:

    I’ve found it funny.

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