Portuguese Man Files £10m Lawsuit Against Baptist Church For Ruining His Chances Of Playing For Man Utd

Chris Wright

6th, March 2012

10 Comments

By Chris Wright

A man who never managed to get beyond the Portuguese third division during his semi-professional playing career is suing the Baptist church for £10 million, claiming that becoming a ‘fervent evangelist’ at the age of 25 stymied his chances of playing for Manchester United.

Now aged 46, Arquimedes Nganga (great name) has filed a lawsuit in the high court against the Baptist Union of Great Britain, claiming he’s owed back payment on the £200,000-a-week wages which he could have – but, crucially from a ‘legal defence’ standpoint, didn’t earn for the last five years of his career.

“I could definitely have had a long career in the Premiership,” said Nganga, who never earned more than £200 a month during his playing days.

“I see many players playing today who I am not inferior to – and perhaps even better than. Most midfielders are either defensive or attacking, but I was both. I had something new.”

Bebe? Is that you?

Via Guardian

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10 Comments

  1. miro says:

    What a man!

  2. tom says:

    i dont understand it. how did the baptist church ruin his chances of playing for Man Utd?

  3. McRico says:

    ………. hhhmmm? ……. I might sue Sainsbury’s.

    The good Customer Service skills I developed as a kid ruined my chances of becoming a member of N-Sync.

  4. PumaYaYa says:

    You could sue Scunthorpe United…

  5. Mr. Sparkle says:

    Can someone bitch slap this man? What a fucking waste of court time. I hope the court fines him 200,000 for wasting their time.

  6. Squillaci says:

    I get paid for not playing.

  7. Lanthanum says:

    ‘A man who never managed to get beyond the Portuguese third division during his semi-professional playing career’ sounds suspiciously like Andre Villas-Boas to me. Might as well attempt to claim 10 million quid now that he’s out of a job.

  8. never banega says:

    hes only 46! would still fit right in get that man a loan deal

  9. Giancarlo says:

    Fuck me, I PAY to play! Quit your bitching. Insert Portuguese joke here.

  10. Jarren says:

    Having read this piece and pondered over the consequence of an outcome, I have to say with total honesty:

    LOLWUT?

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