Man Utd Hire ‘Specialist Acoustic Expert’ To Improve Naff Atmosphere At Old Trafford, Jokes Write Themselves

Chris Wright

5th, April 2013


By Chris Wright

Old Trafford: It’s oh so quiet, it’s oh so still…

In response to complaints from fans that the stadium is too quiet on matchdays, Manchester United have hired a “specialist acoustic engineer” at great expense to hopefully crank up the decibel level at Old Trafford – because the sound of corporate dinks gobbling their way through prawn sandwiches definitely needs to be amplified.

Apparently the problem came to light when supporters singing in the Stretford End were told by friends in others parts of the ground that they couldn’t be heard as the largest, most cavernous stadium in the Premier League just saps away the sound for some reason.

According to the Manchester Evening News and since confirmed by the club, the sound expert will “report back to club officials on the problems regarding volume inside the ground after attending the Premier League game against Liverpool in January.”

He/she will then attend several further matches at Old Trafford before the end of the season before putting together a dossier and submitting his/her findings to the club upon completion. Sounds like someone has the cushiest job in the entire friggin’ world!

Anyway, Pies have a one-word suggestion: VUVUZELAS.

Posted in FAIL, Man Utd, Newsnow

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  1. CollyhurstRedArmy says:

    TBF Old trafford is a shadow of its former self but its still a better atmosphere than any other PL ground bar Goodison park.

    There wont have been a better atmosphere anywhere in England for a longtime than there was versus Madrid early last month.

    Its the games against the smaller clubs where the whole place is flat that is disappointing.

  2. porcelain sandwich says:

    Well it’s always going to be quiet if the supporters are merely ‘signing in the Stretford End’. They should try singing instead, that’ll get ’em heard.

    • Chris says:

      @Porcelain: You’ll be glad to know that I caught that during my quick proof read and still managed to re-typo it. Doh.

  3. Rouge Diablo says:

    Here’s a novel idea – get rid of our leeching, despised owners, stop charing £40+ for a ticket and take the Exec section out of the Stretford End – see if that doesn’t improve the atmosphere somewhat.

  4. WildScotsman6 says:

    The old Trafford library

  5. Bacon face says:

    It’s a pity United didn’t make it to the FA cup semi final. Man City fans could of shown them how to create an atmosphere at Wembley again.

  6. Ross says:

    Most, if not all modern day football stadia are very quiet. I remember growing up on the terraces of the Leazes end (NUFC’s opposite end to the ‘infamous’ Gallowgate) where the atmosphere used to be superb…in the days of the pre 52k stadia. Nowadays it is very quiet most of the time with the odd outburst.
    I was actually at Old Trafford on Boxing day this year when NUFC managed to score three and still be beaten by MUFC; their fans were terrible, but isn’t it always a case that away fans voice their passion more?!

  7. Rob says:

    Atmosphere problems at the “Theatre of dreams”? the home of the “biggest” “greatest” richest club in the world?
    Perhaps they should sing about their own club instead of about scousers.

  8. joe says:

    CollyhurstRedArmy, you’re the reason people don’t like United. The arrogance is absolutely boundless. I’m a Fulham fan, but have seen matches at both OT and Anfield, and the scousers win by a country mile in the atmosphere stakes. Hell, I’d say there’s a better atmosphere at our Cottage than at your roofless hangar on a good day.

  9. Redskywalker7 says:

    Joe is a little jealous and bitter methinks..

  10. AshFulham says:

    Atmosphere at Everton, Liverpool and United the best? Give off! Been to countless away games at all of these grounds and the atmosphere is always shockingly quiet! Go to games at the Stadium of Light and the Liberty Stadium and then you will see a real atmosphere. Been to away games at both and its the only times we have ever been outsing. Respect to Swansea and Sunderland fans.

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