By Ollie Irish
Got a witty caption for this photo? Let’s be having you…
The best caption, as judged by us, WINS a copy of EA’s most excellent new FIFA 11 video game, for the console of your choice. Not bad, eh.
Terms & conditions: The closing date is midnight on Sunday 24th October 2010. Only one caption per reader. The competition is open to readers in any country where FIFA 11 is available.
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“You’d better not leave…I MADE you boy!”
Yer Cannae leave me Wayne. Think o the kids.
No Wayne, I’m not letting go NO! If you’re going anywhere you’ve got to drag me with you.
I warned you to keep your sausage fingers off my wife!
Wayne, stop calling my wife, she’s not interested!
Please Wayne I’m begging you! I’ll give you anything you want. Anything! You like Grannys? I know lots! Wine? Chewing Gum?? JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT WAYNE PLEASE!
Rooney: im sorry boss there is nothing that will make me stay
Ferguson: wait wait…200,000 a week, a garunteed place at Man United for Kai, a coaching role here when you retire, garry neville will be your maid for the rest of the season and you can sleep with my mother…twice.
Rooney: Your mother aye?…
*Rooney calls Mancini*
Mancini: Hello Wayne. looking forward to you arriving in January, your going to fit in really well…
Rooney: erm, somthings come up
Ben C’s got my vote
Ferguson: WAYNE FOR HEAVANS SAKE STOP MAKING A SCENE! I dont want this image to be the butt of some stupid caption competition..
Sir Alex:
“Rooney son, Don`t go to Chelsea, They are all morally bereft. John Terry will be up your missus like Rooney up a prostitute! What, what did I say wrong?, Come back Wayne…”
wayne , gimme one last chance , i beg ya !
Fergie: You want to know why I let Tevez go? I saw him looking at you in the shower. Do you really want to go back to that son?
SAF: Listen, you little shit. You just remember when you’re over there pissing in blue, that we bleed red over here boy. You remember that!
Rooney: …Ok?
SAF: These people won’t forgive you, Wayne! I won’t forgive you! I’m shocked, boy…
Rooney: …
SAF: Remember when I bought you here from Everton, I said you could be whatever you wanted to be…I DIDN’T MEAN A PRIZED CUNT, WAYNE
ferg: if you cant win everything single handed without burning out, then give me that shirt!
wazz: you’re… hurting… me… besides like, madrid will pay me 200 grans a week
ferg: you dont have the complexion, freckles *chews gum*
as a side note: just realised how shifty roon looks on the fifa box…
wayne had come to resent the contract clause that stipulated helping sir alex cross the road
SAF : Boy, you can go. But I’ve already warned the Baby Killer
Wayne : What? You mean, Chicharito?
SAF : Whatever his name is, son. You leave United, and Baby Killer will take care of Kai, boy.
‘im not your little teapot anymore six alex!’
Awec : When i said i wanted deep penitration at the back i didnae mean shaggin prozzies Son !
‘if you had any hair wayne, id give you the hairdryer. if there was a boot around youd take it right in the face. as things stand, im going to keep this arm and let that be a lesson to you’
FERG: Wayne, before you go on, put this black armband on.
ROONEY: Why boss? Who’s died?
FER: Your career son, your career.
‘im just a football manager, standing in front of a player, asking him to love him!’
tottenblog is probably my fave
STOP!
…fergie time
‘feel that? see this isnt just a bad dream, you really arent scoring!’
ankle injury wayne, just like we rehearsed…
saf…listen boy if you leave now you will end up like that fat twat gazza,last chance or i’ll get scholes to break both your legs when you play against us
“If you ever cross me I’ll send you to City.”
Sir Alex setting Wayne to ‘stun’ in February this year
With all the stress in his job at the minute, fergie discretely asks roony for a few numbers for his ladys of the night
You can leave son, but let me tell ya, that hair aint going with ya.
sir Alex: “dunny go son, i was like a father to you, achh noooo!!”
Wayne: “it has to be done boss, there offering me more money, and another role in the new film ‘shrek the greedy ogar’, it’s too hard to not accept… And I will be reunited with my long lost friend.. DONKEY!!” (tevez) shrek and donkey on a money grabbing adventure!!
Sir Alex: :-(
remember the caravan wayne, it could happen sooner than you think…
“If you ever cross me I’ll ship you off to City.”
you’ll play and you’ll score- or so help me i will unzip this costume, ogre!
If you stay I promise next time I’ll swallow…
I’ll start talking to the BBC if you want, just stay
“Uh? What’s blue and fucks grannies? Oh. You in your new shirt. Get lost”
You can have your threesome AFTER the match
SA: Wayne please don’t leave, i need you to stay, please stay i won’t let go until you say you will stay!
WR: Boss let go your hurting me please boss i have to go, Dont look at me like that gaffer please let me go!
SAF “Come on Wayne 26 goals again this season and I promise we will win the league!” Wayne “No No No I’m not falling for that again.”
fans are stil reeling at revelations that wayne rooney is coin operated- shown here, alex ferguson inserting the last of the glazers shrapnel into the strikers arm mounted slot in february 2010
‘You have been well trained, my young apprentice. They will be no match for you’
‘at last we shall reveal ourselves to the jedi. at last we will have revenge’
anybody else getting a sith vibe from this picture?
‘if you leave me now… you’ll take away the biggest part of me…
roooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-naaaaay please dont go…
rooooo’ *breaks down sobbing*
ah. and i just read the bit that says one comment per reader :( apologies ollie… i guess just pick one if thats cool?
We’re no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of
You wouldn’t get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling
Gotta make you understand
Never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down,
Never gonna run around and desert you,
Never gonna make you cry,
Never gonna say goodbye,
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
Wanye Rooney:
BITCH
Fergie quietly whispers: “Take me with you.”
i just can’t quit you
SAF: I love you
ROON: WHAT!?
SAF: Uh… I said olive juice…
ROON: Olive Juice?
SAF: Olive juice you too.
honestly, I was just rambling. tottenblog has my vote.
Fergie:”Come back on the bench, you are INJURED.”
Wayne: “Are you kidding me ?”
Fergie: Waynesicles… I… I’m at a loss for words…your…your forearms…they’re so strong….
Rooney: Well, boss, there’s a reason everyone calls me a wanker.
SAF: *&%^# @#Q&#$^ bla bla bla…..*
Chewing gums : Help us wayne, help us!
Wayne: ( thinks to himself) was that coming from his mouth? OMFG, look at that ball of gum in his mouth, all moudly and green. WTF is that ear wax on it? Huh, thats strangely arousing.I think i finally found something better than old vulnerable grannies! *proceeds to stare*
SAF: (grabs arm) Wayne, are you listening Wayne!?
SAF: i never told you this before wayne but, I AM YOUR FATHER
rooney: whaaaat? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
SAF: tell me wayne, what is 1+1
Rooney: What? Nobody told me there was a test! I didn’t study! Is the answer 11?
Fergie: Wayne, before you leave, please hook me up with a threesome, I haven’t had a decent shag since winning the champions league.
Wayne: Don’t worry gaffer, i’ve planned ahead, the redness gives it away. I have an old contact in mind….
where’d you think you’re going, back on the bench boy…
No no no little Wayne, Daddy won’t let you go until you say sorry.
SAF: Rooney
Rooney: *Begins to warm up
SAF: Get me a bottle of water
“We HAVE to play Fifa when we get back.”
suddenly, i’m not half the man i usssssssssed to beeeee
Fergie: Would it be a bad time to say I had sex with Coleen? Also, YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER.
suddenly, wayne realised what the 25% sell on clause to Everton really meant
Sir Alex – “Whaddaya mean yer thought I was a woman when you signed for United, laddie?”
Wayne – “…..”
Sir Alex – “So yer wanna leave now yer know the truth?”
Wayne – “…..”
In an effort to improve his public image Wayne Rooney helps an old woman cross the street.
SAF – Listen,Listen Wayne maboy…..you’ve gotta crap yourself out….i dunno how, get a hooker or something, bash me in public whatever.
ther’ll be a public hullabaloo…..ill sell you off…you can make all the noise you want with our noisy neighbours….coz we need the cash maboy….we really really need the cash….The Glazers have ensured that pin sticks to my royal behind……
SAF – listen, listen wayne maboy….you gotta crap yourself out…..i dunno how, get a hooker, bash me in public, whatever. i’ll sell you after a public hullabaloo and you can make all the noise you want with our noisy neighbours…..your club needs you now son…we need the cash real bad maboy….ive got a pin from the glazers on my royal behid remindin’ me every second!
Do me a favor Wayne and dry-clean those pants when you’re done
“wait, wait, everyone will see that you have a solid snake between your legs”
SAF: You better run your arse off.
Rooney: stop breaking my balls
SAF: I bet you’ll like that.
“Remember this is all part of our master plan, Wayne. You’re going to Chelsea to learn all of Carlo’s Italian secrets. Then you’ll organise a mutiny by convincing everyone Carlo took Coleen to bed. Then you’ll go to Madrid, frame Ronaldo so it looked like he killed Jose Mourinho. Take Jose’s soul so I can live forever! Do you understand, Wayne?”
“I just want to win trophies.”
“You just want to win trophies? Is that all Manchester United means to you? Is that all I mean to you?”
“No Fergie, sorry.. Sir Fergie, trophy was a euphemism. The truth is that I’m doing this for your mother. Coleen will never be half the woman she was.”
“What did you say?”
“Oh, quieres escuchar en Espanol? Yo comprendo… SU MADRA ERA UN TROFEO! Ahora, voy a España!”
“You little chav…. I’m going to create a 6-foot-5 26-year-old version of me mixed with Papa Bouba Diop in FIFA 11 and go Eric Cantona on you until Paul Scholes retires, which is never because he sold his soul to me!. Also, how long did it take for Ronaldo to teach you that? I’m actually impressed.”
SAF: i thought man u meant something to you you lied and said you would retire here!
WR: Ya, I did but you lied and said I messed me ankle up!
Rooney: “We haven’t won anything in a while and it doesn’t look like changing. I’m a top striker in my prime and I want to go to Real for a better chance of success”.
SAF: “Come with me. See that little guy sitting on the edge of the bench? His name’s Michael and you might want to ask him how such a scenario would pan out…”
‘Leave it Wayne, he ain’t worth it!’
And Eric, your Spanish isn’t great
“Gaffer, when am I going to start losin me locks?”
Haha Patrick I know it’s really not. Should’ve been oírlo instead of escuchar.
Come and sit on my lap little boy…
Ferg Vader : Roon, i AM your father.
Rooney: NOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo.
SAF:you ever noticed we look alike?
Rooney:…
SAF:…
Rooney:Whatever, I’m off to city.
Good luck sucking up to me when you’re stuck in the wrong kind of Manchester.
Fergie: WAIT!… Take me with you! All we can afford now is bums I mean literally. And then there Neville. You’ve been in the locker room with the guy. No… no more, not another season!
Rooney: But Madrids got a manager. Remember… that “special guy.”
SAF:When I said stay out of the red tops, I didn’t mean literally!
Wait Roo! Let me kiss those lips again…
“Wayne don’t go out tonight. Come over to my place and I’ll have the missus make you supper.”
“Meet me in the sheds at half time, ive got a a boot to kick at you Wayne”
Stop! you’ve nicked Ando’s shorts you scouse b******d
Baby please don’t go, you know I love you so.
GREGLING
SAF: Wayne…
Rooney: Yes, Gaffa?
SAF: Gary Neville’s just shit in my car
saf-”im sorry! what did i do? i know i can change!”
r-”its not you, its me.”
I didn’t do this to you. You did this to you.
“olvídame y pega la vuelta”…”rooney: no me hagas esa cara sir” …”rooney: suéltame el brazo;no me digas mas…
“sir:ahora soy yo el que quiere estar sin ti. Por eso vete, olvida mi nombre, mi equipo, mi estadio,Y pega la vuelta…
“rooney: Jamás te pude comprender…
“sir: Vete, olvida mis logros, mis champions, mis ligas,
Que no te desean…
“rooney:Estás mintiendo ya lo sé…
“sir:Vete, olvida este equipo, que logros tuviste,
Y no te entristezcas, olvida de todo que tú para eso
Tienes experiencia…
SAF:Wayne! Don’t leave yet!
Wayne: Yah, why’s that boss?
SAF:Don’t you remember? Thursday night bingo with Scholesy and Giggsy!
Look at the shirt, Alex … AIG stands for “And I’m Going”
Fergie : *Hiss*
Rooney : “Roo..Rooney?”
Fergie : “Damn, this trick worked wonders on The Dog Whisperer!”
Rooney : “RooRooRooneeeyyyy!”
Fergie : “Screw that, now where’s my pokeball?”
“If U dare to move to Man City, my wrath will burn you into ashes”.
WAYNE, Im pregnant, and its yours!
Fine Wayne, leave. Torres, Benzema – there’s plenty of other out-of-form strikers who’d kill to be not scoring in your place.
Alex “you said that was the right number you tw*t. I got some dumb scouser with a huge nose wanting me”
Rooney “i said it was under J for Jennifer Thompson, not P”
“But Wayne I have a much better looking cow over here.”
BAD DOG STOP BAD DOG STOP BAD DOG STOP
SAF: “I swear to God, if you leave for City I’ll make you my Auld Slapper for the night.”
Wayne, I’ve got my grannie out back if that will help you change your mind about staying…
I’ll give you 200 grans a week if you stay!
SAF: I swear to God if you leave i’m going to tell Coleen about that night. You know what i’m talking about son.
“Don’t look at the cows, son.”
“Remember Wayne, the black armband stays where it is, OK?”
I’m sorry Wayne, the Nani/Nanny gag was a step too far – I promise I’ll never tell it again if you just don’t go to City
Wayne Rooney. Bloody hell!
You can go Roo, but the shirt stays!!
when i said “stretford end” i meant leave your agent, not the bloody club!
here’s your new prosthetic arm
“Those ears, son!! For God’s sake, get then sorted out!”
“Can you help me cross the road please?”
AF: Right, an offer you can’t refuse Wayne…250 grans a week!
SAF : In January you would of cost an arm and a leg to purchase. This January it would just be an arm!
Fergie – Home is where the heart is and I can feel the heart on your sleeve pulsating.
SAF: Ok, ok, ya greedy little ingrate; ninety grand a week after tax, and you can put the next hookers on my card.
Ferguson: Wayne, I swear to god if you leave us and I will rip this arm off, then it will never feel like being with a stranger again!
Ferguson: C’mon Roo stay here, i’ve got grey hair, tits down to my knees and i’ll only charge £50 for the night.
Rooney: Been there done that.
Ferguson: I’ll even wear that kilt you like??
Rooney: Hmmmmmm…
Ferguson: C’mon Roo stay here, i’ve got grey hair, tits down to my knees and i’ll only charge £50 for the night.
Rooney: Been there done that.
Ferguson: I’ll even wear that kilt you like??
Rooney: Hmmmmmm…
alex: okay, you win. you can go to city if thats what you really want
wayne: really boss?
rio (removing mask): you’ve just been merked mate, you’ll never leave!
Fergie: “Hey, Roon, wait. Can you see if there’s something in my teeth, mate? nhhiiiii *grinning*”
Roo: £230k a week?
Fergie: That enough?
Roo: Yeah, that’s enough to pay off Coleen, I’ll stay. Can’t stand the sun in Spain and Teves always scared me anyway.
You’re subb’d Wayne, I got 2 ladies waitin’ and I need a wing-man!
please please please wayne give me the number of that prostitute
i beg you!! and that wrinkly one you had 2!!
You Blinked! You lost.!
Fergie: Wayne, you must stay
Wayne: Why?
Fergie: I am your father !
“Look cunthooks, you don’t want me to send thee boys around to ye huse in the middle of the neete, do ye?”
Wayne: “Oh, by the way, I’m leaving Man United”
Fergie: “Nahh thats absolute bollocks”
Sky Sports reporter from a couple years back: “You have to mind your language, there are children watching”
god damn these are awful…
Rooney: ‘Look Gaffer, the day I agree to sign a new contract is the day you agree to finger me up the arse’
‘But Fergie.. they’re offering me 230 grans a week, that’s something i can’t refuse’
OK we’ll add that into your contract as well, No more Shrek comments !!
THESE ALL ARE PRETTY BAD. ALL U GUYS WHO PUT SEUAL STUFF AND “GRANS” THOUGHT U WERE BEING FUNNY. AND EVERYONE COPIED THE PEOPLE WHO WENT BEFORE THEM