‘The Typical Manc Is Called Paul, He Has Darts And Pictures Of Bulldogs In His Pocket’ – Schalke Coach Ralf Rangnick Gets Satirical

Chris Wright

26th, April 2011


By Chris Wright

Ahead of tonight’s Champions League semi-final with Manchester United, Schalke coach Ralf Rangnick has unleashed the satire, poking fun at his opponents and the myriad foibles of the country that spawned them – dear old England, land of village greens, antique tables, billiards,  Sherlock Holmes, strawberry jam, vaudeville and variety.

Speaking via his pithy column in tonight’s match programme, Rangnick (who, fact fans, studied English at the University of Sussex in the 1980s) said:

“The English are going nuts this week about the wedding – no, not Katie Price this time but Prince William.

“England is the motherland of football of course. But they have still not learned about penalties.

“In Wayne Rooney we have the eternal favourite son-in-law for English mothers and that evergreen youngster Edwin van der Sar, who takes goalkeeping tips from Jens Lehmann – and then there is Malcolm Glazer, who for Manchester United fans is the equivalent of Lord Voldemort.”

“The typical Manc man is called Paul. He has darts in his right pocket and in his left pocket has a picture of a bulldog. The girls are called Samantha.

“And can you believe they put vinegar on their chips?”

And I suppose mayonnaise makes so much more sense, eh Ralf? Get out of here you goddamn condimentalist.

Posted in Champions League, Man Utd

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  1. mettskillz says:

    sure he said these things? i’m coming from germany and i never heard ralf rangnick said things like that.

  2. Mr. Angry says:

    the typical manc is a prick!

  3. Chris says:

    @ Mettskillz: Apparently so, though there are suggestions that a few things may have been lost in translation.

  4. Timundo says:

    I wouldn’t expect Rangnick to say things like that. May be, the match programme editors wrote that stuff. Funny? Not at all.

  5. Joshua says:

    I’m from Germany, it’s not like him.

    But even if he said it, I think you shouldn’t take it too serious. You should be able to see a joke.

    Looking forward to the match tonight. Schalke 1-1 Utd, second leg Utd 2-0 Schalke.

  6. Nuno says:

    I don’t think anyone with any bit of sense would ever say that “Edwin van der Sar takes goalkeeping tips from Jens Lehmann”. Almost the same as saying Messi takes dribbling tips from Carrick. Not even in a joke does that sound real… =/

  7. Nuno says:

    By the way, Chris, in just a quick search I found this:

    “Sadly, these are not the words of Schalke manager Ralf Rangnick ahead of tonight’s Champions League clash against Manchester United, but a ‘satirical’ column in the matchday programme”
    (although the way you’ve put it is surely better for more ‘clicks’ and comments…)

  8. dave says:

    i’ve never actually met anyone called samantha

  9. ceezer says:

    Germans and Brits alike have shit humor.

  10. mflatley says:

    sorry chris, but nuno owned you there

  11. Anonymous says:

    He may be right about the typical Manc… But United fans come from the home counties and are called names like Piers !

  12. Simon K says:

    He may be right about Mancs…But United fans typically come from the Home Counties and are called things like Piers or Tristram.

  13. fcumS04 says:

    What a load of shite! Ralf Rangnick did not write any of this stuff, as you would have known if you had done the slightest bit of research. The column is written by a mate of mine and whoever picked up on this story completed failed to understand the irony intended in the article. And they say the Germans don’t have a sense of humour!

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