By Chris Wright
Ahead of tonight’s Champions League semi-final with Manchester United, Schalke coach Ralf Rangnick has unleashed the satire, poking fun at his opponents and the myriad foibles of the country that spawned them – dear old England, land of village greens, antique tables, billiards, Sherlock Holmes, strawberry jam, vaudeville and variety.
Speaking via his pithy column in tonight’s match programme, Rangnick (who, fact fans, studied English at the University of Sussex in the 1980s) said:
“The English are going nuts this week about the wedding – no, not Katie Price this time but Prince William.
“England is the motherland of football of course. But they have still not learned about penalties.
“In Wayne Rooney we have the eternal favourite son-in-law for English mothers and that evergreen youngster Edwin van der Sar, who takes goalkeeping tips from Jens Lehmann – and then there is Malcolm Glazer, who for Manchester United fans is the equivalent of Lord Voldemort.”
“The typical Manc man is called Paul. He has darts in his right pocket and in his left pocket has a picture of a bulldog. The girls are called Samantha.
“And can you believe they put vinegar on their chips?”
And I suppose mayonnaise makes so much more sense, eh Ralf? Get out of here you goddamn condimentalist.