LMA Prescribe Yoga, Cabbage And ‘Meditating While Brushing Your Teeth’ To Help Football Managers Combat Stress

Chris Wright

21st, May 2015

By Chris Wright

“Have you brushed today Louis?”

With their collective nerves well and truly frayed as the season draws to a close, the LMA have taken steps to prevent the collective managers of the Premier League and Football League alike succumb to stress-related disorders.

To that end, the LMA have issued all league bosses with a 120-page guide on how to keep their stress levels under control after finding that of the first 54 managers to be tested, 44% were suffering from “significant cardiovascular and lifestyle-related health issues”.

According to the Mail, the booklet contains advice from psychologists, heart experts and addiction councillors – what with a spate of drug-related suspensions hitting the news recently.

Among the various advice on offer is the suggestion that football managers increase their intake of broccoli, cabbage, kale, sweet potato, cauliflower, soy beans, eggs and liver – foods rich in acetylcholine and choline, i.e, brain food.

Managers are also advised to practice yoga, pilates and/or “meditation while brushing your teeth” to help calm them down and re-balance their wonky chakras.

As clinical psychologist Dr Kate Joseph puts it: “[Ask yourself] what does the toothpaste look like when it turns from paste to froth? What sounds can you hear? How does the toothpaste smell?”

It’s all in the pursuit of improved mindfulness, you see.

Regular 20-minute naps are also prescribed to help decompress and take the strain out of the job, while patrolling the technical area and yelling at match officials is a big no-no.

Don’t you just wish you were a fly on the wall at the moment Sam Allardyce opened the first page?

Posted in Managers, Newsnow

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