Vladimir Romanov is officially a mentalist


23rd, February 2007

VladimirromanovVladimir Romanov may just be my favourite man in football. He’s absolutely insane. By no means would I want him taking the reigns at a club I supported, but boy, he doesn’t half make me piss my pants with laughter.

Romanov once released an insanely marvelous statement to the Scottish press, saying "I’m very glad that you finally got down from the trees and found a worthy place for yourself – a safari park. It shows you have both the habits and instincts of monkeys. I’ll visit the director of the safari park and ask for a personal cage for each of you. One thing is very important. First you have to pass the quarantine rules and the vet will vaccinate you against rabies. So you are not allowed to join the monkeys yet." He’s also ranted about Bolsheviks shooting peasants and now, his finest hour yet, another bonkers attack on the Scots media and women who deny themselves love. Read over and get ready to rub your eyeballs in disbelief.

Romanov latest odd rant looks at referees and his auld foe, the media. He said: "Today I will express my opinion in English about refereeing in order that your Mowgli will not make you tell lies. To discuss whether referees take money or not is the same as discussing a woman who gives herself with no love. Isn’t it better to concentrate on the standard of their work instead of looking for reasons for their poor performance? A woman cheats herself and nature if she gives herself without love.

"If a referee officiates a game based on his personal love, he commits a cynical crime, especially when the public has trusted him. I respect those referees who take money from two stupid teams and then honestly officiates a game. They do not harm football in any way. Though it is bad, still everybody is equal for them. Now it has become obvious to me why you, the Monkeys (his nickname for the media), were trying to ruin Hearts not only in the Championship, but in European competitions as well. I think it was not without your help that the ‘frozen’ referee from Russia was selected to officiate our match and that in the games against the Greek side we got three red cards".

He’s as brilliant as he is baffling. I’ll point out that this wasn’t translated to make it sound more nonsensical. Give the man a chat show. [Mof Gimmers]

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