The Tuesday 10: great comedy dives

Ollie Irish

17th, April 2007


I could fill a list like this 20 times over, but here are ten of my favourites…
1 El Halawani, Apollon K v Panathinaikos

I’m a little unclear about the details of this (please correct me if it’s not El Halawani who dived), but I do know that it’s such a brilliant example of the dark art of ‘simulation’ that it has to be No.1. Snipers!

2 Rivaldo, Brazil v Turkey

Not the face! Still makes me laugh.

3 Three unidentified players, Proodeftiki v Olympiakos

Video quality isn’t great so watch it a couple of times to appreciate this brazen three-handed effort by Olympiakos to win a penalty late in the game, with the score at 0-0. Then watch instant karma at the other end.
4 Didier Zokora, Spurs v Portsmouth

How blatant do you like your dives?
5 Fernando Alonso, during some charity Michael Schumacher game

Even F1 drivers know how to dive, albeit half-heartedly. And, wouldn’t you know it, Schumi knocks in the penalty. Well, he is German.
6 The Cristiano Ronaldo diving toy

‘He runs, he dribbles, he collapses in a heap…’ I first posted on this last year for Who Ate All the Bratwurst, Pies’ World Cup predecessor. Still funny.
7 Steven Taylor, Newcastle v Aston Villa

Reminds me of the end of Platoon, when Willem Defoe’s character gets shot as he’s trying to reach the chopper (sniffle).
8 Gilardino, Milan v Celtic

Makes me angry just watching it. Grrr.

9 Cristiano Ronaldo, Portugal v Germany

A real dive from Ronaldo this time. He looks so graceful in slow-motion.

10 Ashley Cole, Arsenal v Man Utd

Roy Keane just looks at him as if to say, ‘You pathetic c**t…’ Oh, hang on a minute, Roy’s got previous too.
And don’t forget, ‘If you want to be an actor, move to Hollywood…’