I could fill a list like this 20 times over, but here are ten of my favouritesâ€¦
1 El Halawani, Apollon K v Panathinaikos
I’m a little unclear about the details of this (please correct me if it’s not El Halawani who dived), but I do know that it’s such a brilliant example of the dark art of ‘simulation’ that it has to be No.1. Snipers!
2 Rivaldo, Brazil v Turkey
Not the face! Still makes me laugh.
3 Three unidentified players, Proodeftiki v Olympiakos
Video quality isn’t great so watch it a couple of times to appreciate this brazen three-handed effort by Olympiakos to win a penalty late in the game, with the score at 0-0. Then watch instant karma at the other end.
4 Didier Zokora, Spurs v Portsmouth
How blatant do you like your dives?
5 Fernando Alonso, during some charity Michael Schumacher game
Even F1 drivers know how to dive, albeit half-heartedly. And, wouldn’t you know it, Schumi knocks in the penalty. Well, he is German.
6 The Cristiano Ronaldo diving toy
‘He runs, he dribbles, he collapses in a heapâ€¦’ I first posted on this last year for Who Ate All the Bratwurst, Pies’ World Cup predecessor. Still funny.
7 Steven Taylor, Newcastle v Aston Villa
Reminds me of the end of Platoon, when Willem Defoe’s character gets shot as he’s trying to reach the chopper (sniffle).
8 Gilardino, Milan v Celtic
Makes me angry just watching it. Grrr.
9 Cristiano Ronaldo, Portugal v Germany
A real dive from Ronaldo this time. He looks so graceful in slow-motion.
10 Ashley Cole, Arsenal v Man Utd
Roy Keane just looks at him as if to say, ‘You pathetic c**tâ€¦’ Oh, hang on a minute, Roy’s got previous too.
And don’t forget, ‘If you want to be an actor, move to Hollywoodâ€¦’