If I have been conspicuous in my absence for the last couple of weeks, it is because I have been on holiday in sunny Spain. But work never really stops for a Pies writer. Not only were there an endless supply of possible Shit Lookalikes (including Diego Maradona the bus driver and Carlos Queiroz the bar man), but flicking through the foreign TV channels – as you do – I spotted this plausible explanation for Ronaldinho’s expanding waistline. WARNING: eating yoghurts while performing those tricks is a recipe for a severe bout of indigestion.