Pies brings you more footballers who love nothing better than to score with each other…

Sometimes as a defender you have to acknowledge that you were beaten by a better, quicker and younger player and be gracious in defeat. Alternatively, you could simply tug the player back by his genitals. Prostitute Charlotte Glover once told the Sunday Mirror that her twin sister was “starstruck with Wayne and asked if she could touch his willy, so that she could say she had held Rooney’s manhood”. We can only assume Mellberg felt the same way!
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