England players needed


13th, November 2006


Midojenassm England manager Steve McLaren has been putting notices up in pubs around the country asking players to volunteer to play for their country against Holland on Wednesday.

McLaren has taken this unusual step after every eligible professional player in the country pulled out of the squad with a niggling injury. The latest of whom, Jermaine Jenas, claims to have a calf injury (perhaps caused by this nasty tackle by Spurs team-mate Mido, see pic). His place in the squad has gone to Kieran Richardson, who plays for some Manchester pub team.

Jenas is joined on the sidelines by Gary Neville (grazed knee), Ledley King (something in his eye), Scott Parker (split ends), Darren Bent (indigestion) and Stewart Downing (forgot PE kit). Chris Kirkland also misses the match to be with his wife who is due to give birth.

I won’t be publishing Steve McLaren’s contact numbers as I’m hoping to get a game myself… I can’t wait to put in some mis-timed tackles on Robben and van Persie.

[Paul Tovey]

Posted in Miscellaneous

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  1. Ollie, Pies Ed. says:

    Hmm, a mysteriously large amount of English Prem stars have suddenly picked up little injuries. If I was being cycnical, I’d say that their managers didn’t want them to play in Holland and fabricated/exaggerated said niggles…

  2. Jezza says:

    I must have missed something. Is anyone still taking this kind of game seriously? Holland certainly aren’t. Sneijder (cut himself shaving), Van Bronckhorst (dodgy tum), Van Persie (wife about to drop sprog) and Van der Sar (can’t be arsed) aren’t playing. Hell, they’ve even picked Clarence Seedorf, who hasn’t donned the orange for SIX YEARS. The sooner these ‘matches’ are taken off the calendar the better.