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Alan Pardew Extends Newcastle Contract Up Until THE DISTANT FUTURE!

By Chris Wright

Pards clears out his desk at St James’ at the end of his deal

There’s having confidence in your man, and then there’s the kind of faith that Newcastle obviously have in Alan Pardew. After a flying first year at St James’, Pards (along with his backroom staff) has today extended his contract with The Toon by eight years up until 2020, or THE DISTANT FUTURE as it’s known.

Just think, by the end of Pardew’s deal at Newcastle, we’ll be dressed head to toe in tin foil, cantering to work on hover robo-ponies, Tesco will have taken their place as our galactic overlords¬†and the world will finally be rid of door handles (if Sci-Fi has taught us anything it’s that the first thing to go in the future will be the humble door handle).

Anyone else think this is madness? Wonder what the odds on Pardew still being there in eight years? Without looking, we’d imagine they’re airing on the ‘rather slight’ side.

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By Chris on September 27th, 2012 in Newcastle Utd. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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5 Responses to “Alan Pardew Extends Newcastle Contract Up Until THE DISTANT FUTURE!”

  1. plops says:

    Door handles and keys. Why the bollocks are we still using keys?

  2. Kyle says:

    I wonder if any bookies will give odds on him staying there for 8 years.

  3. dc says:

    Pardew might be a genius. He’s either guaranteed a job until 2020 or guaranteed a monster severance package that will last him until 2020 as long as he doesn’t breach the terms of his contract. The only way I could see this making sense from Ashleys POV would be if finishing below a certain position in the table andy given season would break the contract, but I’m not sure that’d be legal.

  4. Calski says:

    Knowing Ashley it will be riddled with clauses.

  5. George says:

    It could be a crafty decision from Ashley’s part. If any club want to hire Pardew as a manager, they’re going to have to pay a hell of a lot of compensation to Newcastle.

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