Irrefutable Evidence Proves Alan Shearer’s Newcastle United TV Advert Is Cursed

By Chris Wright

shearer-advert

Alan Shearer, seen here remembering that time he bought a pie

No doubt by now most of you will have been subjected to the truly dreadful advert for Barclays which sees Alan Shearer doleing out free Premier League match tickets to fans after sharing the car over with a succession of people he’s possibly met before but maybe not.

Discussing growing up as a Newcastle fan, Shearer describes his first trip to the Gallowgate with tenuous cameos from a bloke who might have driven him there on the Metro, another bloke who might have sold him a pie and a third bloke who might have held him aloft in the terraces. Might have.

As well as being so turgid it can actually yellow your wallpaper through the television screen, it’s also been sussed that the advert has an altogether more sinister edge.

For you see, the good people of the internet have sussed that ever since Shearer’s acting clinic first aired on February 28th, Newcastle haven’t won a single game.

Yep.

In fact, while Newcastle beat Aston Villa on the first day the advert went live, since then…well, ‘nada’ is putting it politely.

Indeed, the Toon have since embarked on a run of eight straight defeats – their worst run of form since 1977 – which has even seen club captain Fabio Coloccini come out and openly grovel for forgiveness from the fans on the club website today.

What do you reckon Pies fans? Is the advert cursed, or might the fact that Newcastle are an absolutely sorry excuse for a shit-show at the moment have something to do with it?

Posted in Newcastle Utd, Newsnow, Videos

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7 Comments

  1. Ryan says:

    Advert isn’t the worst, except maybe the PC ending. No surprise Shearer is wooden. Newcastle fans wanted Pardew out, who did they think was going to come in?! Pardew was obviously the glue that kept that team together. Now those players could give a sh** and are begging for summer transfers. The owner is also a problem. Fickle fans+Non-plused players+Clueless owner+inexperienced manage = relegation!

  2. Degs says:

    Shearer somehow makes going to your first football match seem the dullest thing in the world.

    And that pie man is from Royston Vasey, no?

  3. Jarren says:

    I just had a quick peek at a NUFC fan forum and my god they are not liking Coloccini’s letter.

    In fact, they are quite seriously pissed off at him.

    What a very sorry state of affairs.

    To throw a wild idea out there, what about Tim Krul as player manager?

    The guy has basically played his entire professional career so far with Newcastle, it’s clear he loves it there, he knows the club more than most of the other players.

    The players would surely listen to him & respect him.

  4. Joe says:

    I think Krul’s love affair with the club ended after the attention he got for patting Defoe on the back at half time, a couple of minutes after he shinned in a jammy goal in the derby.

  5. Joe says:

    “Fickle fans”
    Ave points since 28 Feb: 0
    Ave attendance since 28 Feb (incl 2 ‘boycotts’) : 48,664 (cap 52,405)

    “Pardew was obviously the glue that kept that team together.”
    I feel zero affinity with the rest of football fans when they come out with that bullsh!t.

  6. Geraldo says:

    And it’s going from bad to worse on Tyneside – heard on the radio this morning that Micky Quinn has “written” an open letter to the Toon’s leading newspaper. Can’t wait to read extracts from that…

  7. Kingsland101 says:

    Krul’s off to Saints, hopefully.

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