‘It’s Your Problem Now’ – Tokyo Sexwale Quits FIFA Presidential Election Race In Dramatic Fashion

Chris Wright

26th, February 2016

2 Comments

tokyo-sexwale-FIFA

“Oh, grow up you lot. It’s pronounced ‘sek-wah-leh'”

Tokyo Sexwale has pulled out of the FIFA presidential race in dramatic fashion, waiting until voting day to announce his withdrawal with the words “It’s your problem now”.

Delivering his final speech to the FIFA congress ahead of this afternoon’s vote, Sexwale took to the stage and, after informing the room that he’d just become a father for the third time, told those assembled:

My candidacy ends today, I end my participation, I leave you four candidates… It’s your problem now.

The four candidates referred to being Sheikh Salman, Gianni Infantino, Prince Ali bin al-Hussein and Jerome Champagne, who are all still hoping to replace the deposed Sepp Blatter at the top of the FIFA tree. It’s like being asked to chose between four equally unpleasant medieval genital torture devices to take for a prolonged test drive.

Sexwale’s pull-out just added to pandemonium on a day that had already seen a raft of reforms passed, including the future disclosure of FIFA salaries, limits being placed of presidential terms and the replacing of the FIFA Executive Committee with a new council that would include a female representative from each footballing confederation.

The new prez is supposedly going to be announced some time around 17:30 GMT, but this is FIFA we’re talking about here so don’t go holding your breath.

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2 Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    Or in other words, a corrupt geezer from the most corrupt continent in the planet didn’t get enough brown envelopes stuffed with cash or is feeling too much heat so is walking away with all the cash raked in so far.

  2. Doc Johnson says:

    Sexwale. Sex with a whale.

    Sorry.

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