Who Ate All The Pies

Tommy Gravesen is madder than a handlebar moustache made out of marmalade, as this video demonstrates. No wonder Celtic boss Gordon Strachan (also quite bonkers) signed him.

The daddy of all horror tackles. A tackle that left Patrick Battiston with a fractured head and missing teeth. Like most horror tackles, it was missed by the ref… in this case, awarding a goal kick to the villianous Schumacher.  Watch how, after the tackle, Battiston’s clenched fist fades to nothing, and the sickening movement […]

I’m getting tired of this nonesense going on with the new Wembley Stadium. Brian Barwick, FA cheif clown says it’s all the fault of Megaplex. The ‘Plex on the other hand are blaming someone else. Someone else probably thinks it’s all Barwick’s fault… and on and on and on… To be honest, I don’t care […]

Stilian Petrov has finally succumb to Martin O’Neill’s charms and penned a 4 year deal at Villa Park. Aston Villa, long the joke of English football now look set to have a small turn around in fortune with the canny Irishman at the helm, but will Petrov be able to cut it in the Premiership […]

Reading star Leroy Lita was arrested today on suspicion of GBH, after he allegedly headbutted a man during a night out in Bristol. Lita is being questioned by police over the alleged attack, which is said to have taken place in the Haymarket area of Bristol city centre in the early hours of Sunday morning. […]

Now this is a real sickener (don’t watch if you’re of a nervous disposition/eating)…

Karate kick to the head. Bruce Lee would be proud of this one…

In last week’s Catch 22 we asked you, who would you rather have at the heart of your team’s defence, Jean-Alain Boumsong or Pascal Cygan? This week, we ask: If a big, loaded gun was pointed at your head and you had no other choice, which of the lovely Neville brothers would you select to […]

All Pro Evo Soccer 5 fans know that Javier Mascherano is the best young midfielder in the game. He develops into a little monster. Here’s a (virtual) clip of the Argentine in action – he’s not quite this good in the real world, but after his mature performances in Germany this summer, I can see […]

David James (Portsmouth)Daniel Agger (Liverpool)Sol Campbell (Portsmouth)Linvoy Primus (Portsmouth)Olof Mellberg (Aston Villa)Gareth Barry (Aston Villa)Jimmy Bullard (Fulham)Joey Barton (Man City)Mikel Arteta (Everton)Kanu (Portsmouth)Darren Bent (Charlton) A second appearance for both Kanu and Sol Campbell, reflecting Pompey’s great start to the season. Do you agree with our choices? Who have we missed out?

The summer transfer window will close tomorrow, blown firmly shut by a chilly, autumnal gust. Several big-name British clubs haven’t finished spending though. Panic buying, anyone? Here are the five hottest transfer rumours:1 Ashley Cole is stuck at ArsenalArgghhhh! Jesus wept, does anyone still care about the Cole/Chelsea/Arsenal love triangle? If you do, at least […]

Manchester City are seemingly gunning for the ‘pink pound’ with a new initiative to encourage homosexuals to watch the footy in North Manchester. The club has paid a four-figure sum to join the Diversity Champions scheme, run by gay rights group Stonewall. It is the first professional club to join the scheme, which focuses on […]

Tis the season for horror tackles and related. Ben Thatcher, a name not known to most before this week. Roy Keane (lord of the horror tackle) in managers job. And the newest to the fray, Michael Brown. Little Brownie has been involved in a few terrible tackles, and his latest came against ManYoo… or to […]

Roy Keane is a grade A nitwit. Naturally, I’ll have to back this up, but sometimes I wonder why I should bother pointing out the bleedin’ obvious. Before arms are thrown dramatically in the air, I’ll say that, yes, I’m well aware of the quality of football he (mostly) offered to the World… but really, […]

Would you want this man to give you the hairdryer treatment?

Man U make £10m bid for David Trezeguet? [Sporting Life]Owen Hargreaves: I’m staying at Bayern, boo-hoo [BBC]Spurs set to re-sign Mido. Er, why? [Football365]Charlton close to signing Costa Rican winger Christian Bolanos [Guardian]Arsenal’s shock £17m bid for Carlos Tevez [The Sun]

Afraid that Bulgaria’s Defence Minister might cast a bad spell over Romania’s national football side, the management of the Farul stadium in Constanza didn’t let him set foot in the venue, according to local reports. Vesselin Bliznakov, the minister concerned, was carrying some turf from the Vassil Levski stadium in Sofia. Bulgaria is about to […]

‘It is such a pity we loaned out Bendtner because you feel this kid is the whole package. He is Henry, Adebayor and Van Persie all rolled into one!’ [Soccerlens]‘There will be some criticisms about our reluctance to shoot and this week I think they’re justified to an extent. While there’s not much point trying […]

Blackburn at home… Man City away… Boro away – not the toughest start you could have to a league campaign, but you have to say that Portsmouth have surprised everyone to record two wins, a draw and – most impressive of all – three clean sheets. Arsenal fans seemed more than happy to wave goodbye […]

All this talk about bad tackles prompted me to go back and watch Roy Keane’s revenge-challenge on Alfie Haaland (which ended Haaland’s career). It was a disgraceful tackle and 100% premeditated. But was it as bad as Ben Thatcher’s mindless charge into Pedro Mendes? Watch Keane’s tackle below and let me know what you think…

Premier League footballers are storing stem cells from their newborn babies to use in case of their own career-threatening sports injuries. They are freezing cells taken from the umbilical cord blood of their babies as a possible future cure for cartilage and ligament problems, The Sunday Times reported. Five professional footballers have frozen their children’s […]

Football Focus, this Saturday. Barcelona’s 3-0 defeat to Sevilla (in Uefa’s meaningless Super Cup) comes up, and Lawro spouts some nonsense about how Barcelona’s second team are good enough to finish in the top four in the Premier League. For the record, a Barcelona second team could line-up something like this: Jorquera; Gio Van Bronckhorst, […]

Good weekendRoy Keane Is this the start of a great managerial career?Martin O’Neill Set top become a permanent fixture in this column – just as David O’Leary could no right, O’Neill can do no wrong.David Moyes Everton’s manager completes a Celtic hat-trick for ‘good weekend’. The Toffees’ 2-0 defeat of Spurs at White Hart Lane […]

Jose Mourinho claims Claude Makelele is being treated like ‘a slave’ by France coach Raymond Domenech. Domenech has insisted Makelele reports for Euro 2008 qualifiers against Georgia and Italy, despite the midfielder announcing his retirement. What’s the deal? If a footballer says he’s retired, he’s retired. End of story. Well, no. It seems common sense […]

C’mon Stevie Mac, it’s time you picked JB, everyone’s favourite chimney sweep/midfield general for England. The campaign starts here [As seen in Guardian Unlimited’s latest footy gallery]…