Who Ate All The Pies

Continuing our Hollowatch series, in this video Ian Holloway pretends to collapse and then has hysterics after being asked about Plymouth‘s pre-season match against Real Madrid (I challenge you not to laugh!). As if that wasn’t enough HolloWatch for one day, the great man then conducts an entertaining interview with Soccer AM via videophone. [Rob […]

I love Pele. I loved him in Escape to Victory and I loved him in a Brazil shirt and I loved him in those Viagra ads. However, I don’t love Pele enough to splash out £1,600 on a book about him. That’s right, the coffee-table-punishing Pele costs £1,600. This limited-edition book weighs 12kg, contains 1,700 […]

God still holds the record for the fastest hat-trick in Premiership history (4min 33sec), scored for Liverpool against Arsenal during the 1994/95 season…

I’ve yet to smell the delights of Instinct, Beckham’s new fragrance. Does it boast a top-note of metrosexuality, with undertones of underachievement and shredded sarong? Has anyone out there actually bought it? If you have, add a comment and let us know what you think of Eau de Becks. What I do know is that […]

Other nations might have the flair, the technique and the skill, but where would British football be without the excitement of a good old goalmouth scramble?! [Rob Parker]

‘David Healy is a living legend. First Northern Ireland hat-trick at Windsor Park in 35 years. George Best got the last one, apparently. Much too happy and drunk to post any more.’ [Everything Ulster] ‘I can’t believe it at all. Who would have thought it after the miserable defeat to Iceland at the weekend? It’s […]

Paul Robinson 6Another comfortable evening for England’s No.1. Phil Neville 5There’s something about watching Phil in action that puts me in mind of the dark days of Graham Taylor. Every time he gets the ball I expect Carlton Palmer or Andy Sinton to appear next to him. Gary Neville is international class, Phil is not.Ashley […]

1 It was nice to hear a frank after-match interview from Steve McClaren instead of hearing about the view from behind Sven’s rose-tinted specs. 2 Peter Crouch is a star! 3 That was one whistle-happy referee.

[Via The Red Cauldron]

Big nods to our sponsors Gillette, who as you probably know have launched the world’s first six blade razor. We haven’t actually seen one yet, but the PR guys have been banging on about the technology. Apparently five blades are squeezed very close together on the head – much closer than on previous Gillette razors […]

Steve McClaren has admitted that Spurs winger Aaron Lennon is "knocking on the door" of the England starting XI after generally being the most exciting winger in English football. Surely we should be giving KD Langpard a rest, sticking Gerrard in the middle and, in the words of Aaron’s namesake, John Lennon "All we are […]

Something odd is happening in football. It seems that there is a power struggle going on. Players are trying exert some of their weight into decisions, and clubs are trying regain the power they once had. Two big stories this week prompted this. Firstly, the story of William Gallas and the ‘own goal’. Gallas wanted […]

Uefa will conduct out-of-competition drugs tests for Champions League players for the second season in a row. Players must make themselves available for testing until their team has been eliminated from the tournament… after that they can do as they please. Not only this, but clubs will also be required to provide Uefa with weekly […]

1 Macedonia is the only country to lose a competitive match against Andorra…2 … but in their last World Cup qualifying campaign Macedonia held Holland to a 2-2 draw at home. This will not be another romp for Steve McClaren’s brave new England. I do expect them to win, and win quite comfortably, but only […]

Great name (like an Austin Powers villain), terrible hairstyle. I couldn’t find a picture that really does justice to the awfulness of Wagner Love’s hair, but hopefully this gives you the general idea – the front’s fine, but the back is characterised by a mess of spindly blue braids. Nasty. I can imagine the conversation […]

Julio ‘The Beast’ Baptista was unstoppable for Sevilla. Then he joined Real Madrid’s galaxy of stars and it all went wrong, as it has for so many talented players. The press haven’t made too much of Baptista’s loan-deal to come to Arsenal (Juan-Antonio Reyes moves in the opposite direction), but I think his move is […]

Tony Yeboah only ever scored wonder goals, as I recall. He could have had his own Goal of the Season competiton. Here’s the best of them, scored against Wimbledon in 1995…

Simple question – say the Premier League were to form a summer five-a-side league, what would be your club’s best line-up? I support Spurs (boo and hiss all you like, I can’t hear you), and I reckon that ours would be: Paul RobinsonLedley KingEdgar DavidsAaron LennonJermain Defoe That looks pretty good to me. Loads of […]

So, with England set to take on Macedonia, what can we say we’ve learned from our last game against them? Careful of inswinging corners. Mof Gimmers

So the transfer window has closed, and we’re all off to the club shop getting new names on our new shirts. Why this happens only twice in a season has escaped me. Freddy Shepherd, the outspoken Newcastle chairman (who famously dubbed Alan Shearer as ‘Mary Poppins’ and all Newcastle ladies as ‘slappers’) has branded the […]

In tribute to William Gallas, and his threat to score own goals, here’s a lovely compilation of footballers and their misfortune on the pitch. Watch out for Jamie Pollock’s spectacular o.g. for City, and JFH’s ace diving header for Chelsea. Mof Gimmers

Portsmouth manager Harry Redknapp is the Premiership manager who would make the best used-car salesman according to a Network Q survey of 1,000 football fans across England. Asked to consider the dealings of Premiership managers in the transfer market, 25 per cent of fans say ‘Arry’s record makes him the manager with the best eye […]

The re-run of this year’s dramatic World Cup final is tomorrow’s most intriguing international fixture, by a distance (although I’ll also be keeping an eye on the Wales v Brazil friendly). Italy travel to France for its Group B Euro 2008 qualifier, off the back of a lethargic 1-1 home draw against Lithuania. You can […]

OK, picture the scenario: you’re a manly, professional footballer faced with the horrifying choice of wearing a pink kit (Weymouth, Juventus and Everton, to name three) or a brown kit (just Coventry City and Spurs, as far as I know). What do you do – take the easy pink or difficult brown?

With talks of KKK (King Kevin Keegan) takin the reigns at Doncaster, here’s a little clip montage of recent Doncaster fortunes… will the man who couldn’t even ride a bike properly on Superstars wobble the Rovers to greater things? Mof Gimmers