• Kevin Keegan given ‘the world’s fastest haircut’ August 9th, 2006 Horror Hair

    Trevor Mitchell has just broken his own Guinness record for ‘world’s fastest haircut’, snipping (ho ho) his previous best by 12 seconds to a barely believable 59 seconds. If you’re wondering what this has to do with football, Mitchell’s victim model was none other than Kevin Keegan. The pair have known each other since Mitchell […]

  • 10 Biggest Divas in the Premiership August 9th, 2006 Top 10s & lists

    I think footballers are like footballs (stick with me on this): They used to be hard ‘n’ solid and made of thick leather. You wouldn’t mess with one. Today, however, they’re made of fancy plastic and fly about all over the place. Yes, 21st-century footballers are a motley crew of lightweight divas and overhyped divers. […]

  • Cristiano Ronaldo: Winky Returns August 9th, 2006 Man Utd

    Cristiano Ronaldo has had his first run-out since the World Cup. Boo, hiss, he’s behind you etc. Winky played for 72 minutes of Man U’s 4-1 friendly win against Oxford, and scored a couple of tasty goals with curling shots. Apart from a few boos (Man U fans cheered him, natch) from the panto-loving Oxford […]

  • Thierry Henry demands new signings at Arsenal August 9th, 2006 Arsenal

    Does he indeed? The cheeky sod. It’s a sad sign of the shift in power in football when a top player feels free to go to the national press – The Sun, in this case – and demand his manager makes some new signings. I respect Thierry Henry, but this outburst serves only to undermine […]

  • The Burning Question: Which new signing will be the biggest flop this season? August 9th, 2006 Miscellaneous

    A lot of clubs have shelled out a lot of cash on new players for the coming Premiership season. Because, as all managers say these days, if you stay still you get left behind. I agree with that to a certain extent, but I’m also a great believer in continuity – to this day I […]

  • Dean Kiely: David James is a ‘Hollywood-type showbiz keeper with a massive ego’ August 8th, 2006 Man City

    Portsmouth boss Harry Redknapp wants to bring veteran keeper David James to Fratton Park. Pompey’s current first-choice keeper Dean Kiely isn’t happy about this. In fact, he’s very pissed off. Kiely told the Portsmouth News: ‘I think it would be a little bit of a travesty, certainly on the back of what I did last […]

  • Predict the Premiership table game August 8th, 2006 Kits & fashion

    OK, here’s a fun little game called PredictTheTable. The rules are simple: predict what the final Premiership order will be come the end of the season. Your mates do the same and you compare results with them to see who does the best. Whoever gets more points, wins. It’s free to enter, so check it […]

  • Gary Lineker’s grandfather August 8th, 2006 Lookalikes

    Found this image of Gary Lineker’s grandfather on the net. The family resemblance is uncanny…

  • Liverpool avoid playing in war-torn Israel August 8th, 2006 Miscellaneous

    Uefa has confirmed that Liverpool will play their Champions League qualifier against Maccabi Haifa at a neutral ground. The match was wisely switched because of the ongoing conflict in the Israel. The UEFA statement read that "Uefa has decided no European competition matches can be staged in Israel until further notice." The tie may now […]

  • Franck Ribery – On his way to the Premiership? August 8th, 2006 Miscellaneous

    Rumours are rife of Franck Ribery’s move to the Premiership. Both Man Urinal and The Gooners have been sniffing around, despite statements to the contrary. He’s certainly an exciting prospect and would fit in at any of the top clubs. Here’s why. Mof Gimmers Technorati Tags Ribery Man United Arsenal

  • Wenger wants Cole decision by end of the week August 8th, 2006 Arsenal

    It would seem that Arsene Wenger reads Who Ate All The Pies. Why? Yesterday I wrote about my longing for Cashley Cole to sort himself out, and just bugger off to Chelsea. Well, Arsene said "I do not know what will happen with Ashley Cole in the next few days, but for me certainly the […]

  • Are Peter Reid and Joe Pesci the same person? F**k yes August 8th, 2006 Lookalikes

    This video puts me in mind of Peter Reid and that fly-on-the-wall Sunderland documentary, when every other word uttered began with f and ended in k. Peter Reid is obviously the Joe Pesci of British football – and if that isn’t a gratuitous reason to post a Scorsese clip on a football blog, I don’t […]

  • Hearts 2 : 1 Celtic, highlights August 8th, 2006 Miscellaneous

    Watch out for little Gordon Strachan, giving lie to the stereotype that all short, ginger men are feisty…

  • Bye Bye Borgetti say Bolton August 7th, 2006 Bolton Wanderers

    It’s looking like Mexico’s top goalscorer (ever) is making his way out of the Bolton camp, and decamping to the lucrative and sunny Saudi Arabia. Jared Borgetti is set to sign for some team no-one’s heard of (Al Ittihad for the record… I told you that you won’t have heard of ’em). Bolton gaffer, Big […]

  • Authentic 1966 stuffed World Cup Willy mascot. Yours for just £3,712.65 August 7th, 2006 Kits & fashion

    Would you pay almost four grand for a ragged little World Cup Willy mascot? Me neither. I suppose it’s 40 years old and a genuine souvenir from the 1966 World Cup, which makes it something of a collectors’ antique, but four grand seems a bit steep. I’d pay 30 quid for it, maybe. Available now […]

  • Ashley Cole left out of Arsenal’s squad for Europe August 7th, 2006 Arsenal

    For some reason, I can’t find any pictures of Ashley Cole in a Chelsea shirt. You may well be saying "Aaaaaahhh… but he plays for Arsenal…". Well I’m sorry, but you wouldn’t think it would you?  You see, Cole is in the centre of one of the most drawn out transfer sagas ever. The latest […]

  • Ace Spoof of Rooney and Ronaldo’s first meet up August 7th, 2006 Man Utd

    Well, we’ve all been speculating about Rooney’s first encounter with Winker Ronaldo ahven’t we? We, the folks at BubbleWrap TV have unearthed some footage of the moment the two met, right from the build up of the first text sent by the Portugese Man O’Dives. Mof Gimmers

  • HolloWatch August 7th, 2006 Miscellaneous

    We all know that the greatest character in British football today is Ian ‘Ollie’ Holloway. He also happens to be manager of my beloved Plymouth Argyle, which means he’ll be appearing in Who Ate All the Pies with alarming regularity. I’d rather listen to a 90-minute post-match press conference involving Holloway than watch Chelsea play, […]

  • Beckham: Fergie called me a ‘f**king liar’ August 7th, 2006 Man Utd

    David Beckham has revealed Sir Alex Ferguson has spoken just five words to him since leaving Man Utd in 2003 and that the Scot called him a ‘fucking liar’ as their crumbling relationship culminated in a transfer to Real Madrid. The five words? ‘How are things over there [Madrid]?’ Fergie said this to Becks as […]

  • Good weekend, Bad weekend August 7th, 2006 Miscellaneous

    Good WeekendHearts Proved their SPL title credentials with a 2-1 win over Celtic.Barry Conlon The Darlington striker, returning to the club for a second spell, scored the only hat-trick in England, as Darlo thrashed Macclesfield 4-0.Hernan Crespo The want-away Chelsea star returned to his beloved Italy, to Inter Milan on a free transfer. Happy now […]

  • Horror Hair classics: Alan Brazil August 7th, 2006 Horror Hair

    The classic ‘Art Garfunkel’, as sported by Alan Brazil in the early 1980s. Jesus Christ, he looks about 45, doesn’t he? And check out the size of that frickin’ Spurs crest. It’s practically the size of Brazil’s head! Btw, I highly recommend a visit to Alan’s MySpace site, which inevitably features the music of Simple […]

  • Berbatov the goal monger August 6th, 2006 Tottenham Hotspur

    So, Berbatov keeps scoring. He’s scored three magnificent goals in the pre-season, and confirms my belief in him… based solely on him being ace on various computer games. Watch his tricksy goal against Borussia Dortmund and hope he doesn;t do it against your team in the coming months. Mof Gimmers

  • Kit Parade – Bolton’s new away kit August 6th, 2006 Bolton Wanderers

    So Bolton have a new away kit to replace the very attractive navy blue one of last season. With Reebok being the sponsor of the club, you would have thought that no expense would be spared… right? Wrong. It seems that Reebok has forgotten about quality, and gone for cutting corners. No raised sponsor. No […]

  • Carrick crocked before season start August 6th, 2006 Man Utd

    It’s a shame for poor old Man Urinal aint it? First off, they could be missing Paul Scholes and his deft subtle touches and Wayne Rooney (about as subtle as a dogshit in your jeans pocket) after their sendings off in a ‘friendly’. Then of course there is injuries to Rio Ferdinand and John O’Shea. […]

  • One to watch: Jimmy Bullard, Fulham August 4th, 2006 Fulham

    Jimmy Bullard is a great midfielder. As Kevin Keegan might say, he’s full of ‘legs and energy’. Don’t know how Wigan let him leave for Fulham, but Chris Coleman is obviously delighted with his new signing. Bullard is also a nutter (not a hardman, just a mad English ‘character’), as this YouTube clip of him […]