The Palm Tree Afro
Pies rounds up the weekend action
1. Paul Ince must feel like he has been robbed. How did West Ham end up beating Blackburn 4-1? A disallowed goal, a missed penalty, and some good chances, plus conceding twice in injury time led to a very misleading scoreline.
You can’t Ty me down
“Hi, mum! I’m famous,”
Even Gary Glitter didn’t look this suspicious when his plane landed in the UK!
Blues left red-faced over yellow shirts
The high-rollers meet in Monte Carlo for draw
1. Liverpool are going to struggle. In their current form and up against PSV Eindhoven, Marseille and Atletico Madrid, it could spell trouble.
Perm + big nose = twins
Some little news snippets to keep you going until dinner
They tried to make him go to rehab and Michael Chopra said yes, yes, yes [Mirror]
Oh Stevie Mac, when are you coming back?
Musings on last night’s European action
1. Liverpool have got problems. There is no fluidity or shape to the side and Rafa Benitez doesn’t seem to know how to turn the situation around.
The players (and owners) who came in from the cold
“We need to go in relaxsched, we need to go in with also belief.” What? Steve McClaren’s fake Dutch accent is on the go again. This guy is such a plonker. The accent is bad enough (there are loads of annoying people who accidentally imitate the accents of those they talk to), but to start rearranging your syntax…. Macca – you’ve got issues!
Danish defenders for dummies, by Pies
Name Lars Christian Jacobsen
Wrexham striker Jefferson Louis scores a lovely goal in his side’s victory over Altrincham. He is substituted before the end and obliges the pitchside reporter with a frank analysis of why he came off. A little too frank for Setanta Sports’ liking! This is the television gods punishing those who think it is acceptable to break away from the match to interview someone during the game.
Reds sign another speedy Spaniard
Liverpool have joined a host of other top football teams (plus Tottenham) in the football-meets-motorsport extravaganza that is Superleague Formula. Roma, AC Milan and Porto are among the clubs to sign up for the competition, which starts at Donington Park this weekend.
Just look at Avia keeper Eduardo Martini frantically weighing up his options. He eventually settles on belting it as hard as he can, and I bet he is glad he did now. One of those bizarre kicks of the turf and a loop over the Parana keeper later, and Eduardo is a goalscoring hero.
Ferg for London 2012?
The Prem’s biggest bottom-lip bearers
1. Nicolas Anelka
The man who is nicknamed Le Sulk is our inevitable number one. The original master of the enforced transfer saga that we have heard so much about this summer with Robbie Keane, Gareth Barry, Dimitar Berbatov etc. This guy has made a career out of it, playing for nine clubs and rarely moving on without a fall-out of some description.
Commentator discovers hard way that mass loss of life is not particularly funny
Aside from the fact that his head and/or hair is a very odd shape, the most striking thing about Wigan Athletic’s Paul Scharner prior to watching his side lose against Chelsea was his Elton John hand-me-down specs.
With the startling news in the wake of defeat Fulham that Arsene Wenger doesn’t like excuses, we look at six of his best rational explanations
1.”I did not see it.”
David Beckham took time out from being criticised by journalists on both sides of the Atlantic to overhit a pass to a Chinese Olympic organiser. Becks took part in the handover section of the closing ceremony as part of the London 2012 team. He appeared with Leona Lewis and Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page.
Schteeve van der McClaren gets some more stick for his phoney Dutch accent and his similarity to the Joker from Batman.