cool hit counter

Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

Who Ate All The Pies Logo
latest stories

The fixture list for next season’s Prem campaign were just released. For copyright reasons, Pies is not allowed to post them in full here (that’s ridiculous, btw), but we can highlight a few key dates for your diary: 1. Manchester United begin their defence of the title at home to Birmingham City on 15 August. […]

In the last couple of weeks, Pies has been asking club fans to vote for the last player at the club they would want to get rid of. Today it’s the turn of Moyesey’s Everton. So, if you had to sell all but one of Everton’s players (to build an entirely new squad, say), who’d […]

One of my favourite Shit Lookalikes of all time, I think (to non-Scorese fans, that’s Jodi Foster in Taxi Driver on the left). I mean, yikes! What the hell was Rio thinking (click on image of him to enlarge, if you dare)? It will take him decades to live this down. [More pics @ The […]

1. Cristiano Ronaldo will not face any charges after writing off his Ferrari in a crash, police said today. [@ The Independent] 2. Win an all-expenses trip for two to the ‘Showdown in Chinatown’, a charity match between some of the world’s top football and basketball stars in the heart of New York City. [@ […]

Peering thorough my special hindsight goggles, it’s easy to form this opinion. Based on his play since leaving Old Trafford in 2007, the 22-year-old Italian-American falls into the class of United departures marked, “Ones that got away.” Of course, in Fergie’s defence, there are a couple of caveats:

Hello Premier League, remember us? Real Madrid are desperate to trim the fat from their bloated squad, if only to help pay for Kaka, Cristiano Ronaldo and whoever else catches their eye this summer. So the Spanish club has earmarked nine players it wants to flog, ideally to needy mid-level Premier League clubs with cash […]

Much debate on Pies yesterday about Puma’s controversial new Spurs kits. At time of posting, more than 1,500 of you had rated the kits, with 49% voting for NASTY. Good call, people. Football Shirt Culture has a couple of leaked images of Tottenham’s new goalkeeper kits, and they’re just as bad as the outfield kits, […]

A man with no idea how to use Photoshop (me) offers his impression of how Johnson would look in a Liverpool shirt By all accounts, Portsmouth have accepted an £18m bid from Liverpool for Glen Johnson. Hmm, funny that Rafa Benitez is suddenly willing to spend so much on Johnson when he enquired about the […]

With no domestic football to talk about (apart from what’s being churned out by the massive rumour factory), the 2009 Confed Cup is doing a very good job of satisfying my appetite for football. It produced two cracking games yesterday, with 11 goals in all. Egypt, a team you would be foolish to underestimate, ran […]

This is Jamie Gascoigne, a Dagenham-dwelling Spurs fan with a big squawky mouth. He’s just been voted Sky’s FanZoner of the Year, which is, ahem, the only thing Spurs won in 08/09. It’s something at least for Yids to be able to say, “We have a more annoying and opinionated fan than you…” Though Jamie […]

1. Fernando Torres is a transfer target for Man Utd. This won’t ever happen, so here’s what Torres would look like in a United shirt. I spent several seconds Photoshopping the Spaniard’s head onto Darren Fletcher’s body, but scaled the head to be a little bit too big, because it’s funnier that way. [@ BigSoccer] […]

Q. Who’s that wandering the corridors of Moscow’s Crowne Plaza hotel in nothing but his pants? A. It’s the one United player who you’d expect to find wandering a hotel’s corridors in nothing but his pants. This short clip (see below) was reportedly filmed on the day of the 2008 Champions League final, in Moscow’s […]

Ah, you’re probably not looking at his hair though, are you? Becks’ hairdo here looks remarkably like one of David James’ previous efforts (no prizes for guessing which one). [Dave spotted in his pants @ Kickette] Bonus video Watch Beckham unveil his latest line of underwear…

Nice one Puma, you faaacked up in a big way with this effort. After Spurs’ elegant kits for 08/09, this is a huge letdown. The yellow detail on the white home shirt looks nasty as hell. The whole home kit is a mess, in fact. The other two aren’t quite so bad, but none of […]

When I call FB arrogant, I mean it as a massive compliment. It’s admirable arrogance, if that’s not oxymoronic. This highlights reel, which popped up on YouTube a few days ago, features some great footage of old Franz striding imperiously around the pitch, in a manner that makes it easy to see why he was […]

Time was, the only way you’d leave Old Trafford was on the say-so of Ferguson. A United player’s future was almost entirely in Ferguson’s hands. Those days are long gone. Player power is so great that football managers no longer inspire fear in the men they manage. Sometimes they don’t even inspire basic respect (see […]

Warning: these two men can severely damage your goal difference The Confederations Cup (come on, I know you can feign interest with me…) kicked off at the weekend. Pre-tournament favourites Spain demolished New Zealand, thanks to a Fernando Torres hat-trick, while in the other game, hosts South Africa played out a scrappy goalless draw with […]

“Were it not for an unhappy spell at Real Madrid and two injury-scarred years at Newcastle, he would be spoken about in the same breath as Torres and Ronaldo and valued in the priceless figures that only match-winning goalscorers ever justify.” This is perhaps the best quote from a 30-page begging letter brochure, produced by […]

Many thanks to the improbably named Tucker Markus for this gem. Do you have an even shitter lookalike up your sleeve? Email Pies with your suggestion(s).

[@ FootballShirtCulture] This looks rather like the same Nike template for Arsenal’s away shirt for last season, but there are much worse designs to appropriate. I know some Fulham fans liked the classic simplicity of the white home shirts worn in recent seasons, but the black trim works for me – I think this looks […]

C-Ron haters, and Sky Sports, are resorting to this classic line. But is it true? In the Alex Ferguson era, there seems to be two distinct categories of United players who have been shown the exit door: 1) Young players who were tipped for great things but never quite made the grade (Lee Sharpe, Luke […]

A scything tackle on the referee’s blindside. We’ve all wanted to do this at one time or another. “But ref, I slipped!” Question: why do so many YouTube videos have a cheesy-but-euphoric trance soundtrack? Answers on a postcard please. Or leave a comment, it’s much quicker.

Good work, person on the internet with too much time on their hands who did this. [@ RoM]

Carlito was delighted when his mum turned up at Man Utd’s training ground Fergie phoned Tevez this week to assure him that he had a future at Old Trafford. The Argentine’s response can be paraphrased as follows: “It’s a bit f**king late, gaffer!” Tevez is still hopping mad that he didn’t get to play more […]

“Have you seen my arse? It’s like an Alsatian’s.” Stevie G has been at the truth serum again. (Yes, I did Photoshop this. Sorry.)