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Who ate all the pies

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Check out the appalling state of the pitch at Rotherham’s Don Valley Stadium after U2 played a gig there

Who the dickens is this England international? Leave a comment with your answer. Yesterday’s answer: Steve Bould Well done to all who identified the Boulder.

Beautiful through ball from Coley to Defoe. Oh. No. Seriously, what was Cole thinking? An early contender for worst pass of the season. Although for Spurs fans, it looked like a game-changing pass of rare beauty.

A terrible artist’s impression of how Luka Modric might look in a Man Utd kit if he was a Bobblehead and not a real person Message to Fergie: You took Carrick, you took Berbatov, but you’re not gonna take my Luka Modric. No way José. Yes, there is a scary rumour that Man Utd are […]

My player of the weekend: Aaron Lennon (Spurs) Lennon was very lively at Upton Park – it’s clear that he’s getting better all the time. He kept Jonathan Spector on his toes all game and scored a brilliant solo winner, for once topping off a fine run with an equally fine finish. Who was your […]

We all know that Joleon Lescott, who is set to become the second most expensive defender in history, wants to leave Everton for one reason – a substantial pay rise. And so I understand if some Evertonians call him Judas Lescott. Looking at the Everton forums, most fans are consoling themself with the fact that […]

This statement from Everton’s official website: “Everton has agreed an undisclosed fee with Manchester City for the transfer of defender Joleon Lescott. The Club had previously rejected two offers for the England centre back, with David Moyes repeatedly stating his desire to keep his best players at Goodison Park. However, Lescott informed the Club he […]

Both Gallagher brothers were at Eastlands on Saturday to see Man City beat Wolves. Before the game, they took time out to pose for photos with a couple of Wolves players, namely Matt Hill and Sam Vokes. First up, Noel: Then Liam stepped in: Say cheese? F**k off.

West Ham defender Calum Davenport and his mother were stabbed at home in Bedford last night. Davenport was rushed to hospital where he underwent emergency surgery on “serious” injuries to both his legs. A West Ham spokesman said: “We can confirm that Calum Davenport was being treated in hospital on Saturday afternoon after an incident […]

And lo, Rafa dipped his trotter into the bargain basement and came up with this big, ugly defender that no one has heard of. Kyrgiakos, who is reputed to be a bit of a hardman - you wouldn’t know it from looking at him, would you? – passed a medical (contrary to appearances, tests confirmed he […]

A couple of virals doing the rounds today: First up, cuddly Theo Walcott gets a dirty great tattoo on his arm: This has some link to Nike football boots. No idea what the link is, mind.

Who’s the skipper? Leave a comment if you think you know (click image to enlarge). Yesterday’s answer: Danny Murphy Good detective work by Adam and Shay. Not easy, that.

Mark “Lawro” Lawrenson isn’t getting away lightly. Pies v Lawro is back! And it’s, er, the same as it ever was. If you haven’t played Pies v Lawro before, here’s how it works. Lawro makes his predictions for the weekend’s games (mostly 2-0 to the big clubs), then I make mine, then you make yours. […]

Poor Steven Taylor, stuck in the Championship while all the cool kids have fun in the Premier League. He has even started sitting on walls, looking moodily into the distance. It’s a worrying sign. Several Prem clubs are reportedly interested in rescuing the stout Englishman from Newcastle United, namely Aston Villa, Fulham and Everton. Villa […]

Are Kopites gobshites? No comment, your honour. Available from Objectivo.com, priced $24. MORE TEES Burnley 1-0 Man Utd. You watched the game, now buy the T-shirt Giuseppe Rossi Judas T-shirt Top 10 footballers who revealed T-shirts with messages

“I think their eyebrows don’t get on with each other,” says Oller of these two peas in a shitpod. Cheers Oller, good call. Incidentally, Hoobastank is possibly the worst band name in the history of popular music. Got a lookalike for Pies? Email me with your suggestion(s).

How to squeeze so many superstars into just one team? That’s the major challenge facing Real Madrid boss Sam the Eagle. Here’s the default team I would go with (based on Real’s squad at time of posting): My XI (in a 4-2-3-1 formation): Iker Casillas Sergio Ramos, Pepe, Raul Albiol, Alvaro Arbeloa Lassana Diarra, Xabi […]

A good win for Fulham last night, against Amkar Perm in the Europe League, was marred by an injury to striker Andy Johnson. The Englishman scored the opening goal in Fulham’s 3-1 win, in the fourth minute, but in the second half he was body-checked by Perm’s Dmitry Belorukov and suffered a dislocated collarbone as […]

A morale-boosting win for Everton, and David Moyes can thank 18-year-old Jack Rodwell, who gave perhaps his best performance for the club, and on his European debut. He scored with two long-range shots, the second being an abosolute screamer. This boy will go far. As far as South Africa? It’s possible, if unlikely. Joleon Lescott, […]

In a move that echoes Radiohead’s innovative marketing of “In Rainbows”, Eidos is selling the digital version of Championship Manager 2010 on a “Pay What You Want” basis. A press release says: “From the time the shop goes live today (August 18th) until midnight on September 10th, you can pre-order the digital download version of […]

I remember the 1981 centenary FA Cup final, if not like it was yesterday then a lot more recently than 28 years ago. It was the season I began supporting Spurs, and so I’ll always have very fond memories of the cup-winning exploits of Perryman, Hoddle, Archibald, Ardiles, Villa and co. I thought I knew […]

“Er, gaffer, the hat’s a bit too big. And I know I’m black but, er, not all black guys wear baseball caps. I do have a magnificent penis though…” “Shut up and smile for the cameras, big man. You’re gonna get me some goals.” “Yeah, about that…”

All hail Robbie Blake, who looks like a plasterer but thankfully doesn’t play like one. His terrific strike put paid to Man Utd on a famous night for Burnley. United had their chances, notably a Michael Carrick penalty that was brilliantly saved by Brian “The Beast” Jensen, but Burnley were good value for the win; […]

Uncle Woy Hodgson has strengthened his squad with the addition of Damien Duff (signed from Newcastle for au undisclosed fee) and Jonathan Greening (taken on a season-long loan from West Brom). Duff will add some much-needed width to Fulham’s team, while the underrated Greening might slot in nicely alongside Danny Murphy, or indeed act as […]