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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Alvaro Arbeloa has moved to Real Madrid for around £3.5m. Few Liverpool supporters will mourn his departure - he was not the type of player who excited fans – but you have to say, Real have got an absolute bargain there: Arbeloa is a Spain international and at 26 he still has several good years in […]

On paper, no one can argue that Man City now have a strong squad, and one that could be strengthened further before the summer transfer window slams shut. Witness: Shay Given Micah Richards, Kolo Touré, Richard Dunne, Wayne Bridge Nigel de Jong, Stephen Ireland, Gareth Barry Robinho, Emmanuel Adebayor, Carlos Tevez Outside of the big […]

In order of preference: Tim Howard (Everton) On current form, you could make a case to argue that T-Ho is the best keeper in the world. He’s definitely in the top five and although he’s not cheap, he does cost a bit less than Cech and Reina (see below), and he will get you a […]

By all accounts, 17-year-old Jack Wilshere was a revelation for Arsenal in the Emirates Cup this weekend. So much so that many Gooners are now calling for the teenager to be fast-tracked into not only Arsenal’s first team, but England’s senior squad too. Yes, the hype machine has been activated. A few quotes on Wilshere’s […]

Emmanuel Adebayor attempts a spectacular finish during Man City’s pre-season friendly at Barnsley. The game ended 1-1. Here’s a fan’s eye view of Martin Petrov’s late equaliser:

BOOF. And again, just because once isn’t enough… BOOF. BOOF. BOOF!

Lineker joined his home-town team, Leicester City, when he left school in 1977, aged 16. He went on to make almost 200 appearances for the Midlands club, scoring goals at a rate of almost one every two games. Mr Walkers Crisps’ fleetness (and opportunism in the six-yard box) helped the Foxes win promotion to the […]

Real Madrid have insured C-Ron’s tanned legs for €100m. And if this is the sort of treatment he gets in a pre-season friendly, you have to say it’s a very wise move indeed. The perpetrator of this horror tackle was Juventus’s Zdenek Grygera, who gave the appearance of a man who wanted to follow in […]

David Beckham is still being booed by some Galaxy fans but he went some way to winning back their hearts by scoring a terrific free-kick in a friendly against Barcelona at the weekend. The goal wasn’t enough to prevent a Barca victory though; the European champions won out thanks to goals by Pedro “Pedrito” Rodriguez […]

A pair of chav-faced peas in a pod. (Murray is a young Irish actor, best-known for his role as Seamus Finnigan in the Harry Potter movies.) Cheers to Raz for the suggestion. Good work fella. Got a lookalike for Pies? Email me with your suggestion(s).

Sir Bobby had a magical way with words, even if sometimes he struggled to get them in the right order… 1. “We can’t replace Gary Speed. Where do you get an experienced player like him with a left foot and a head?” 2. “What can I say about Peter Shilton? Peter Shilton is Peter Shilton, […]

So who’s the ball-headed Liverpool star? If you think you know who it is, leave a comment (click image to super-size)… Yesterday’s answer: Freddie Ljungberg Not easy, that one. Well done to comehomepaddy, Daveswe and 6l4d3 (catchy name), who all guessed correctly.

Cristiano, don’t go… Nooooooooooooooooooooo! Quote of the day goes to Fergie: “Those goals from midfield have dried up a little in recent years, so we have to address that. I will be looking to [Ji-Sung] Park, Nani, [Antonio] Valencia, even [Danny] Welbeck and [Federico] Macheda, to contribute 40 goals between them.” My reaction to this […]

“Spurs are on their way to Wembley, Tottenham’s gonna do it again.” You know Ossie’s thinking: “What the fuck am I doing here?” Fair play to Ardiles though, for playing the role of “dumb foreigner who can’t pronounce Tottenham like what the English does” (he even called his autobiography “Ossie’s Dream”). Today however, Ossie’s role […]

Today’s best example of Transfer Toss can be found in the back pages of the Independent. Sam Wallace, the paper’s football correspondent, reports that Arsene Wenger is “set to spend big on [Daniele] De Rossi.” Except, er… in reality, Wenger is definitely not set to spend big on De Rossi, who would cost in the £30m […]

Sir Bobby Robson has passed away at the age of 76. He lost his long battle against cancer, during which he kept his good humour and dignity. It’s a terribly sad day for English football, and it puts into perspective just how trite football has become. You can keep your transfer rumours and £100,000-a-week contracts […]

Fergie’s crimson face tells the story. Yep, United lost After last night’s defeat to Bayern Munich in the final of the Audi Cup, Man Utd can no longer win the fabled septuple. Yes, United’s season is in tatters and it’s not even August. United lost on pens to Bayern, in the Allianz Arena, after playing […]

With this win, Woy Hodgson’s team have all but assured their place in the next round of the Europa League; the Lithuanian team had no answer to Fulham’s Premier League class last night, as Bobby Zamora, Danny Murphy (pen) and Seol Ki-Hyeon got on the scoresheet. The return leg at the Cottage should be a […]

From this: To this: Jaunty and theatrical, I’d say.

This is how it works: Step 1) Enter our World Cup competition and you could win a very shiny, very lovely Sony Ericsson W996 mobile, which looks like this: Step 2) If you win the phone you are then entered in a special draw to win an amazing Willy Wonka-style ‘Golden Ticket’ to the FIFA […]

Awesome shout by Pies reader Anthony Vernal. To call this shit would be unfair - it’s top quality. Can you do better than Anthony? Email Pies with your suggestion(s).

Can you name that Arsenal player in one? Leave a comment with your shout. Yesterday’s answer: Matty Upson Gold stars for Lee M, Mike P, Mikey and AFJ, who all went for Upson. No star for Oller, who guessed Gareth Barry: FAIL.

The Audi Cup, you say? Yeah, no one cares about it, but still, I thought you might like to check out some high-res pics of Man Yoo in action against Boca Juniors. First, some highlights: Anderson scored his first ever goal in a United shirt (about time), via a brilliant free-kick: New boy Antonio Valencia […]

Pies sincerely hopes you enjoy this photo essay, which commemorates the manly, heterosexual love shared by JT and Lampsy… “He’s all mine.” “Not here John, you twat.” ******************************************************************************************************* “Wahay! Look Lampsy, it’s a ball! Let’s kick the f**k out of it!” “Ha ha. John, you’re such a twat but I love you.” *******************************************************************************************************

Remember Elano’s first few months at City? He played like a God, scoring wonder goals for fun, and generally giving fans the impression that Sven had signed the next Kinkladze. Then, disaster! Sven got the boot and Elano’s mojo vanished. Hardly a surprise. Mark Hughes never rated Elano, or at least he didn’t know how […]