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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Ah, it feels good to have panto villains like The Drog, Herr Ballack, Mr Chelsea and Cashley back on the radar. Ballack has already wound up every single Man Utd fan with his blatant bodycheck (or “elbow”, if you listen to United’s camp) on Patrice Evra. But I wonder which Chelsea player winds you up […]

Solid win for Spurs, even if all three goals came in the last half hour. Highlights below: Lovely finish by Pavlyuchenko (most unlike him: he usually shins it over the bar), followed up by a Corluka tap-in and a composed run-and-finish by ickle Jermain Defoe. But perhaps the best news for Tottenham fans was the […]

Highlights of Chelsea’s morale-boosting win at Wembley, including: Nani’s excellent solo goal, Michael Ballack’s “elbow” on Patrice Evra (from which Chelsea scored their second goal, much to Fergie and his players’ chagrin) and United’s abject batch of penalties: Decent game, not that I was ever going to schedule my weekend around it. Btw, that’s twice […]

Click on the image below to see the best photos from Wembley’s curtain raiser (match analysis to follow):

1. Not a link as such, but you might like to know that the Guardian’s guide to the new football season is out on Monday 10 August, free inside the paper. Pies has had a sneak preview of the guide (see illustration, above) and it looks terrific. [@ Guardian]

This is where you get to pick Arsenal’s best starting line-up for this season. First up, I’ll reveal my selection (based on Arsenal’s squad at time of writing). Obviously I’m aware that Arsene Wenger will use several different formations this season, for different scenarios, but this is the default team I would go with: My […]

Another day, another Spot the Baller for you to study. Today Pies presents a ball-headed England international. Know who it is (click image to super-size)? Leave a comment with your answer. Yesterday’s answer: Diomansy Kamara First prize to Chet but quite a few of you identified Kamara, partly thanks to his footy boots. Damn modern […]

I have no idea what the Haka has to do with Everton, so I have to award a big FAIL to this PR stunt. If you do know the link between a Maori war dance and Le Coq Sportif/Everton, let me know. All I can think of is that Tim Cahill has a Samoan mum, […]

After a stroll in the sun in the first leg, this was a stroll in the pissing rain at Craven Cottage. Terrible conditions in London last night but Fulham still looked several classes too good for a plucky Vetra side. The impressive Dickson Etuhu opened the scoring (this was one time when you could use […]

“I can’t sign Rangers gear, no chance…” EXIT. Ha. As much as Bellamy annoys 99% of football fans, I can understand why he recoils from anything to do with Rangers – that’s the way it is with the Old Firm. And as a former Hoop, I’m sure he’s been subjected to some terrible, terrible stick […]

The Sun tells us that Andrey Arshavin has a new nickname at Arsenal: “Meerkat”. If you’ve seen the incredibly annoying Compare the Meerkat adverts on TV, you’ll know why: Meerkat: Arshavin: A bit more imaginative than “Arshy” I suppose, but still it smacks of rather childish banter. Translation: I wish I’d thought of it first.

LONG SHOOOOOOOOOT! Holy sushi, that is one brilliant finish, just as impressive as David Beckham’s famous lob against Wimbledon, or Xabi Alonso’s effort against Newcastle Utd. If you’re interested, Uesato plays for Consadole Sapporoin the J-League’s second tier. His goal was scored against the brilliantly named Avispa Fukuoka. [@ 101GreatGoals]

The second part of Pies round-up of Prem hardmen. (Part one here) Click the image below to see the top ten…

When I found out that Celtic and Arsenal could draw each other in the CL playoffs, I assumed it would happen. And, surprise surprise, it has. This is a pretty good draw for both teams and their supporters. Arsenal will be confident, quite rightly too, of running rings around an average Celtic side, while Celtic […]

“It’s going to be difficult to break into the top four, but if anyone has the potential this club does.” Peter Crouch, speaking earlier this week about Spurs’ chances this season. We’ve been here before. New player arrives at Spurs, can’t stop himself making unreasonable claims on the club’s behalf. Top four? Behave yourself, Crouchy. […]

Look how much fun you can have when you’re earning more than £100,000 in a week!! Fun fun fun. Click the photo below to see the gallery of City’s open day at Eastlands:

I don’t know in what situation a black, grey and pink colour scheme qualifies as camouflage? In the crazy, mixed up world of Scottish football, apparently. Whether or not Puma’s new away kit for Partick becomes more popular than last season’s pink-and-grey hooped number(the fastest-selling shirt in the club’s history) remains to be seen. In […]

A few hours ago, Alberto Aquilani touched down at Heathrow. Pies was there, camera in hand, to snap the Italian. He giggled like a girl. Too many G&Ts on the flight perhaps?

Spot the player who’s thinking “Hmm, wonder which team I can move to in January?” Give yourself a point if you said Angry Craig Bellamy.

“I knew MLS had some Mickey Mouse clubs, but this is ridiculous.” Even without all of their star players and playing away from home, Barcelona were good enough to crush one of MLS’s better teams, namely Seattle Sounders FC. Lionel Messi scored twice in an individual masterclass, as Seattle had no answer to the European […]

“Do I wanna go Hull City NO. Do I wanna go stoke NO do I wanna go sunderland YES so stop f****** around levy.” Dazza Bent’s already infamous Tweet seems to have had a positive effect. The striker did get his “dream” move to Mackemland, and so avoided a one-way trip to hell Hull/Stoke. And […]

Liverpool fans, superstitious? Yes, judging by the hundreds of comments left on the Guardian’s Liverpool FC pre-season profile, in which the newspaper’s football writers collectively predicted that Liverpool will win the league this season. A sample of the reaction to this (brave) prediction:

After a summer of big sales but no big signings, this is a photo that will brighten every Villa fan’s day - Leeds fans tell me the boy is a bit special. Still, Martin O’Neill mustn’t stop there. Villa still have a thin squad and need at least two more players before the summer transfer window […]

Who in the blazes is this? If you think you know, leave a comment with your answer. Yesterday’s answer: Roberto Di Matteo Mike P was first to get it, followed closely by Gary Andrews, DCDJ, Bikram and Tom P. Well done chaps. Kipp, get with it – Chris Sutton!?

Newcastle fan George Wright, 45, has got a big ole’ tattoo of Sir Bobby Robson’s face inked on his left thigh: What, a minute’s silence and a raised pint wasn’t enough for you, George? Now it’s like Sir Bob is chuckling at your cock. For the rest of your life. Newcastle fans really do put […]