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Who ate all the pies

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York City are magic

February 15th, 2008

Comedians Lee and Herring reveal in this cutting documentary that York City is “just a front for what is the largest covern of wizards, witches and warlocks in Britain today.” So now you know.

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It may be Europe’s second class competition but the UEFA Cup is a difficult trophy to win. Great Britain has five teams still left in the tournament’s last 32 – but who do you think has the greatest chance?

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While we’re still debating over whether to use technology as simple as goal line cameras, there could be far more revolutionary changes to the game in the next ten or twenty years according to The Orange Future of Football Report.

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It was business as usual in Serie A. Inter Milan stomped on towards the title with all the ruthless efficiency we have come to expect of them this season. A 0-2 win at Catania maintained Inter’s eight-point lead as they look like certainties to win back-to-back titles. Esteban Cambiasso and David Suazo were on the scoresheet

Direct running, a few jinky turns and an exquisite chip makes for a fantastic goal from the Argentinian league scored by Santiago Salcedo of Newell’s Old Boys.

Ronaldo (the Brazilian, not the Portuguese) left the pitch in tears after rupturing a tendon in his left knee, during Milan’s Serie A game against Livorno last night. He fell awkwardly while challenging for a ball in the air, not long after replacing Alberto Gilardino in the second half. This is a serious injury that […]

Pies finds alternative careers for the Premier League’s gaffers.
Arsene Wenger – Paediatrician
Studious, unflappable and doesn’t mind working with youngsters.
Martin O’Neill – Film director
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Alex McLeish – Airport taxi driver
Has already dropped from international to Birmingham City once.

David Beckham is pursued by Abel Xavier during a training session with LA Galaxy at the Home Depot Center on February 13, 2008 in Carson, California. New Galaxy head coach Ruud Gullit looks on in the background. The 2008 MLS season begins in March. Photo Jeff Gross/Getty Images

SK Brann 0-2 Everton A satisfyingly professional performance by the Toffees. Phil Jagielka was particularly impressive, whilst Yakubu, back in the team after going walkabout, was a constant threat up front. The goals came from Leon Osman, a player with huge potential but who often seems to blow hot and cold, and Victor Anichebe (pictured […]

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Yes, that’s right – the African Cup of Nations trophy is in fact the world’s most expensive Cornetto. Are those Maltesers round the edge?

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“My shoulders are fairly broad. You take this job knowing it’s always going to be an easy ride.”
So said Premier League chief executive Richard Scudamore, taking time out from making plans to ruin English football to discuss his plans to ruin English football with Sky Sports.

As reported on The Spoiler, romantic Peter Crouch ‘whisked’ (that’s the correct term for a surprise away trip, no?) WAG Abi Clancy to Paris – the imagination on that man! – for a pre-Valentines break. Abi conformed the golden rule of fashion – when in Paris, wear a stripey top and jeans that make your […]

September 1981 Glenn Hoddle relaxes in his featureless, suburban garden with then-wife Anne (they are now divorced) in London. Gripping feature about reincarnation in Woman magazine, Glenn? Photo Allsport UK /Allsport

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PSV Eindhoven opened up a nine-point gap at the top of Eredivisie despite only drawing 1-1 with Heerenveen. The result did mean that Heerenveen moved up to second in the table at the expense of Ajax. Heerenveen are level on 44 points with Ajax, but are ahead by seven on goal difference – precisely the number they put past Vitesse Arnhem last week. Feyenoord and NAC are also on 44 points in what seems to be a neck-and-neck race for second place.

I did toy with the Fat man to be suspended headline, but there you go. Heavyweight Inter Milan striker (are they still admitting to owning him?) Adriano decided to rediscover his form by bringing one of Zinedine Zidane’s most famous moves to the Brazilian league, where he is currently on loan with Sao Paulo. Adextramayo is now facing an extended spell on the sidelines for this shove of his cranium.

A tribute to the men with valium voices… 1. Glenn Roeder I dare you to watch all ten minutes of this video without falling asleep and dribbling on your keyboard… A post-football career as a motivational speaker awaits.

Check out some of the horrific coiffs on Italian journeyman defender Milanese, who played for QPR not so long ago. He prefers a variation on a single theme – and that theme is: ‘my hair is indisputedly shit’. Thanks to Zekky for the heads-up.

Julian Bennett of Nottingham Forest celebrates his goal during the League One match between Leeds United and Forest at Elland Road on 12 February, 2008. The clash of League One’s two biggest clubs ended in a 1-1 draw, after Jermaine Beckford’s late penalty cancelled out Bennett’s header. Forest lie fourth in the table, with Leeds […]

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Arsenal are back in the driving seat having opened up a five point gap with 12 games to go but Fergie insists that the title race will go down to the wire.
It’s ‘squeaky bum time’ as the United manager would say – but will United’s experience with title run-ins outweigh Arsenal’s youthful exuberance?

We’ve already seen Cristiano Ronaldo outrun a Bugatti in his new Mercurial Vapor boots but Nike’s latest viral ad features a line up that’s more equally competitive.

stick%20your%2039th%20game.JPGThe gang at Football365 are just as up in arms as us here at Pies about the Premier League’s ridiculous idea to play a 39th round of match abroad. Unlike us, Football365 has access to a sweatshop manned 24/7 by orphan orang-utans trained in the art of slogan t-shirt production. We totally agree with the sentiments of this Stick your 39th game up your bollix t-shirt though.

Comedy duo David Mitchell and Robert Webb are back on the screens this week with That Mitchell and Webb Look. Their sketch mimicking the oversaturation of football in the age of Sky Sports is particularly topical at the moment (sign the petition). As Homer Simpson once said: “It’s funny because it’s true.”

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Arsene Wenger doesn’t make too many mistakes in the transfer market – if he’s not moulding tomorrow’s stars from unknowns, he’s letting big names go before anyone else knew they were past their best.

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The Bundesliga’s top two went head-to-head as Bayern Munich were held to a 1-1 draw at home to second-placed Werder Bremen. Brazilian star Diego gave Werder the lead after just six minutes. Luca Toni missed a penalty before Ze Roberto equalised for the hosts. The result means Bayern maintain their three-point lead at the top of the table.

Games

The Tuesday Teaser

February 12th, 2008

Three footballers, each one represented by a set of photo clues. Guess who they are (answers after the click). Lateral thinking required… 1. 2. 3.