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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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During a recent Swedish league match between Hammarby and Trelleborgs, a teenage girl invaded the pitch and gestured at Hammarby midfielder Maic Sema. As you can see, Sema happens to be black, and the disturbed invader happens to be making a Nazi salute - at least, that’s the conclusion of our friends over @ 101 Great […]

Here’s Herr Ballack enjoying yesterday’s epic Federer v Roddick snooze at Wimbledon (16-14 in the final set? It should have been exciting, but it wasn’t). Can you spot the Chelsea midfielder? Clue: he’s the one wearing the eye-burningly horrific shirt. This is no great surprise: Ballack is German and a footballer. And I can’t think […]

If you follow Pies on Twitter, good things will happen to you. Plus you get to find out about new posts and other stuff going on inside my head. What’s not to like!? (You don’t have to answer that.) Because you were good enough to click on this post, I’ll treat you to a photo […]

Our chums at The Spoiler claimed that this beautiful goal was scored by the Falcao, i.e. the Art Garfunkel lookalike who played alongside Zico and Socrates in the Eighties. But unless my eyes deceive me, the Falcao who scored this goal for Brazil against Romania at a recent indoor international footie tournament is a wee […]

Probably not the look Nike was going for… Chringle, you should be proud er, ashamed of yourself. Man Utd’s new home kit for 09/10

Umbro kill it once again with this very simple, very retro kit, which brings back memories of this old chess-board number: Another pic below: Now that is a proper football kit. Excellent work, Umbro - being bought out by Nike has turned you into a decent kit manufacturer, it seems. Rate the kit: Rate Rangers new […]

As you can see, Pies has changed, and about time too - the old design was clunky and frankly not a lot of fun to look at - much like Franck Ribery. We really hope you like the new look. There are a few teething troubles to resolve, but they should be fixed soon - Movable Type can […]

Look at Mickey’s little face! He can’t contain his freaking delight at escaping from Newcastle Utd! He’s like a kid on Christmas Eve. Bless. I wonder what Liverpool fans think about a Liverpool legend (OK, not a legend, but certainly an important player in the club’s recent history) who is now talking so enthusiastically about […]

Fergie really hurt my pride (ahem) [Photo @ The Sun] Wow, if Carlito on a mission to alienate every single United fan on the planet, he’s going about it the right way. In today’s Mirror, he’s credited with the following quote: “Ferguson still believes I will be at United next season. He thinks I will […]

Will Cashley join Real Madrid’s All-New Galacticos? In a word, no A certain red-topped tabloid newspaper claims that everyone’s favourite left-back has rejected Chelsea’s latest contract offer, reportedly because he wants the same sort of mega cash (£100,000+ a week) that his England team-mates, John Terry and Frank Lampard, are on. Since everyone seems to […]

When do I wake up? The small print: Owen has signed a two-year, performance-related deal. Fergie reacted to the signing by lying saying, “Michael is a world-class forward with a proven goalscoring record at the highest level.” Liverpool fans, how does this photo make you feel? Look at it! Look at Mickey, look at how […]

The rumours were right: Kenny Dalglish is returning to Liverpool to take up a senior role in the club’s academy. King Kenny will also act as a global ambassador for LFC, travelling the world to talk about how soft and well-groomed Rafa’s beard is, no doubt while snacking on vol-au-vonts and sipping the finest wines […]

Get me a rum and coke NOW. I’m on a roll… Fergie seems willing to overlook Michael Owen’s appalling injury record, unlike Big Sam, who wasn’t prepared to take a risk on signing a player who might not be able to give Blackburn at least 30 games next season. I understand Allardyce’s argument - he has […]

Chelsea didn’t just reject Man City’s bid for Mr JT; they blew it out of the water with a snide dismissal worthy only of the Great Peter Kenyon: “Chelsea Football Club can confirm it has completely rejected an offer from Manchester City for John Terry. “It was made clear to City, for the second time […]

Now Fergie has two crocked Owens to play with. Boom boom.

It’s happening! It’s really happening. We have officially moved from the hazy world of rumour to Planet FACT. But as Bob said in an earlier Pies comment, Mickey could still fail his medical. Jeez, the little fella must be very excited though. [@ Mirror]

Look at this piece of insania! It’s krazy with a k. It’s the work of a funky German company called Do You Football. That doesn’t even make sense. So this is what happens when Germans think outside the box. The smudges are some sort of reference to Bochum’s industrial heritage, I believe. Bochum was a big […]

I’m out. That is all. [@ 101GreatGoals]

This is bollocks. Can I go back to the home now? Let us never forget that the only reason Fergie signed Cristiano Ronaldo was because his players told him to. So I wonder if actually Fergie is – at last - out of touch with football reality? Football reality says Michael Owen is slow and always […]

You know how hard it is to PhotoShop Crouchy’s head onto stuff? Harder than you’d think – he has a strange-shaped head (and a strange-shaped body, for that matter) This can’t be right. Owen to Man Yoo and now a rumour saying Crouchinho is a target for Milan. Has planet football gone bat-shit crazy overnight? […]

In which Moss FK midfielder Lars Øvrebø goes straight to the top of any list marked ‘Own goals you wish you’d scored at the other end.’ I also enjoyed the woefully contrived build-up play of HamKam’s No.22, Roman Kienast. He looks like a lumbering, shitter version of any Prem right winger. I understand he’s currently […]

My name is Michael Owen. I am aspirational, charismatic and fully fit, I promise. It’s great to be back in red, representing a world-class brand I know Fergie is a pensioner, but what the dickens is he doing rummaging around in the charity-shop cassette basket? Michael Owen is wanted by Hull and Stoke; the champions […]

Landycakes has stood up to be counted. In an explosive quote from Grant Wahl’s new book, ‘The Beckham Experiment’, the US midfielder reveals a shocking level of emnity and resentment towards Golden Balls. Get a load of this: “All that we care about at a minimum is that he [Beckham] committed himself to us. As […]

50,000 fascists fans turned up at the Bernabeu to say hi to Kaka. Imagine how many will turn up to welcome C-Ron.

The terrible rumour that Villa fans awoke to this morning claimed that Martin O’Neill is about to sign Titus Bramble. Reports in today’s Daily Star say that O’Neill will offer Wigan Athletic around £3.5m, plus teenage midfielder Barry Bannan for the much-maligned centre-back. As you might expect, plenty of Villa fans are not best pleased […]