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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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We hear that Joleon Lescott has been dropped for Everton’s Europa League qualifier against Sigma Olomouc on Thursday. David Moyes said of Lescott: “His attitude in the past few days has been poor and for that reason I won’t include him. “I’ve always thought he was a good lad. But I think he has not […]

Caught during Leeds United’s 2-1 win at Walsall last night. Jermaine Beckford scored the winner in the 86th minute, causing ecstatic scenes in the away end - only one female Leeds fan cocked up her rush to the front. That’s a FAIL, lass.

I don’t know how much crack Steven Bernasconi has been inhaling, but it’s clearly the good stuff. This is the sort of Shit Lookalike Pies wants - madder than Stephen Ireland. Can you do better than Steven? Email Pies with your suggestion(s).

“Pick me, pick me!” This is where you get to pick United’s best starting line-up for this season. First up, I’ll reveal my selection (based on United’s squad at time of writing). I planned to post this before the season started, obviously, but server gremlins meant I couldn’t. Anyway, better late etc etc. So this […]

Bow down and tremble at these mad Photoshop skills. Ahem So apparently Evra is an iPod Nazi. (That’s OK, Patrice – so am I.) According to our chums at The Spoiler, the feisty Frenchman has appointed himself Man Utd’s official DJ-in-residence: “I enjoy the role very much. Before the match I sit down in my […]

Arsenal won’t score a pair of luckier goals this season, but they deserved their luck. The Premier League side outclassed Celtic - Tony Mowbray’s team didn’t play that badly but ran out of steam – and will surely now finish the job at the Grove and progress through to the CL’s group stage. Celtic, and their […]

Fernando Torres’ job is to score goals. Simple, especially for a striker as talented as he is. Except Torres seems to have taken his eye off the ball (or, as Jamie Redknapp would say, “He’s literally taken his eye off the ball there, Richard”). Torres cut a distracted figure at White Hart Lane on Sunday, […]

Sheesh, how frustrating football is. You beat Aston Villa away then go and lose to Wolves at home. Or, you lose at home to West Ham then go to an in-form Wigan and come away with three points. Funny. Old. Game. Anyway, terrific win for Wolves, reality check for Wigan and Roberto Martinez. Andy Keogh’s […]

Chelsea have six points out of six and yet they have stuttered in beating Hull and Sunderland - God help their rivals if they start playing to their potential. Darren Bent put Sunderland ahead last night to fuel hopes of a minor shock, but Chelsea got their act together in the second half. The visitors’ fightback […]

Not sure why Chelsea’s bus didn’t make it all the way into the Stadium of Light. Perhaps their driver is Deco’s dad and the little Portuguese playmaker was embarrassed: “Drop me off here Dad, I’ll walk the rest of the way. Pick me up later, same place at 10…” Always good to see professional footballers […]

EXPENSIVE Didier Drogba (Chelsea) Yes, he’s a bit of a c**t, but I still rate The Drog as the best striker in the world; only when he wants to be though. Luckily for Chelsea fans, it looks like their favourite manchild is motivated again and even fancies taking over from C-Ron as the Prem’s golden […]

Think you know who this is (click photo to enlarge)? Leave a comment with your shout. Previous answer: Guti Damn modern players with their distinctive football boots. Too easy by far.

After just one fantastic performance, Arsenal are now The Form Team in the Universe. Which means they’ll pass Celtic – an average team at best – off the park in tonight’s Champions League playoff at Parkhead, right? If only football was that simple. Parkhead on a European night is a fearsome prospect, especially when an […]

Thanks to Adam Wyszynski for the suggestion. Got a lookalike you want to see on Pies? Email me with your shout(s).

Many Villa fans are starting to wonder if Martin O’Neill is actually the managerial messiah so many people have claimed him to be. O’Neill had a very poor summer, losing some of his best players and then failing miserably to replace them.

Prof. Wenger shows off his ball skills during a training session ahead of Arsenal’s Champions League playoff against Celtic. The first leg takes place tonight in Glasgow.

From this: “Screw you, old Scotsman. Carlitos have last laugh…”

Cracking weekend to kick off the Prem. No draws, plenty of wonder goals and a couple of surprise results (Everton ship six at home!? Madness gone mad).

Most Prem footballers are vain eejuts. Not our Jimmy, who despite being a money-grabbing traitor (a Fulham fan’s view) is still the biggest character in the top flight. MORE JIMMY Shit Lookalikes: Jimmy v Queen’s Roger Taylor Jimmy cracks up during TV interview

The best photos from City’s win against Celtic at Eastlands (watch the goals – all three were rather good – here). Click the image below to launch the gallery:

Think you know who the Real Madrid star is? Leave a comment with your shout. Friday’s answer: Kieron Dyer Fair play to AlanS, thedoc, Kipp, Delboy and Kevin. You’re my guys.

Terrible moustache, Ian. Not-terrible defending, Alan Hot on the heels of the news that the Guardian “jinxed” Liverpool’s tilt at a 19th league title, Sky Sports pundit Jeff Stelling has added to the weight of the hex: “Manchester United are unquestionably weaker than last year, while Chelsea are no stronger and they are all a […]

This is where you get to pick Barca’s best starting line-up for this season. First up, I’ll reveal my selection (based on Barcelona’s squad at time of writing). No doubt Pep Guardiola will use several different formations this season but this is the default starting team I would go with: My XI (in a 4-1-2-3 […]

What do Gunn and Edmonson have in common, apart from their looks? Hmm, I’m getting the word “Bottom”… … Boom boom. Got a lookalike for Pies? Email me with your shout(s).