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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Richard Pacquette The Havant & Waterlooville striker became the first school caretaker to open the scoring at Anfield for a while.

Kilcline, ‘Wolf’ (as played by Don ‘Hollywood’ Yates, a man so macho he makes Chuck Norris look like a little girl) and Sabretooth are men’s men (or, in Sabretooth’s case, a mutant’s mutant), and therefore not afraid of big, ‘statement’ facial hair. But who would take who in a three-way deathmatch? I can’t answer that, […]

Well worth giving up six minutes of your day for, especially if you’re having a shit Friday and want a good laugh… (good choice of music too) Hmm, given that he’s suposedly one of the best strikers of a dead ball in world football, David Beckham isn’t half shit at penalties.


The Fiendish Friday Quiz

January 25th, 2008

1. Career path Seven Stars, Ajax Cape Town, Ajax, Celta Vigo, Porto, Blackburn Rovers (current)? 2. True or false? David Beckham once played for Preston North End? 3. Picture round Who’s with his WAG? 4. Team-mates Karel Poborsky, Stefan Schwarz, Claudio Caniggia, Pierre Van Hooijdonk and Rui Costa have all played for which club? 5. […]

Most entertaining (i.e. bullshit) rumour I’ve read today? How about this – Cristiano Ronaldo met a promotions girl at the Trafford Centre in Manchester. He then wined & dined her, before taking her to a (pre-booked) hotel for some ‘sexy time’ (Borat®). During said ‘sexy time’ (Borat®), Ronaldo kept on his sunglasses, presumably to hide […]

Table-topping Lyon suffered a shock 3-0 defeat at Lens on Sunday, but it was all smiles again by Wednesday when they beat Lorient 2-0. Struggling Lens followed up Sunday’s win with victory over Valenciennes. Nancy picked up only a point from their two games following a 1-0 defeat at Nice and a 1-1 draw with Marseille. That allowed in-form Bordeaux to edge them out of second spot after victory against Le Mans. Bordeaux are now six points behind Lyon with a game in hand.

Wow, who is Emmanuel Adebayor sleeping with at the FA? The Togolese striker faced a retrospective red card and a three-match ban for violent conduct after causing a cut across team-mate Nicklas Bendtner’s nose during the Carling Cup defeat at Tottenham on Tuesday night, but somehow – don’t ask me how – he has escaped […]

Pies puts together a team of players who sound like they could be implementing their income with a spot of moonlighting.

This morning’s top five football stories: 1. Ashley Cole is a ‘love cheat’! He did the dirty on Cheryl Tweedy, by having a ‘wild sex romp’ (guess which paper this is in…) with a blonde mum-of-one. Cashley ‘SLAPPED her bottom so hard his platinum wedding ring left a mark’. The cad! The Sun 2. Liverpool […]

George Burley attends a press conference at Hampden Park on 24 January, 2008. This week, Burley was confirmed as new head coach of the Scottish national team. Photo Roddy Scott/Getty Images

Shouts of ‘my grandad could do better than you’ from the crowd might seem a little far-fetched in most instances, but not in Mexico. The accusations could be levelled quite fairly at Chivas’ 71-year-old striker Chava Reyes. The club’s all-time leading scorer was rolled out of retirement and drafted into the starting line-up of their match against Pumas.

Newcastle United have wasted no time in racing a range of Kevin Keegan into the club shop, including this harmless looking flag. Dig a little deeper though, Pies fans. This is a success-starved club which has sacked a string of managers for failing to win silverware having a joke at the expense at the man they have just appointed to end their trophyless spell. And the joke in question is based around the fact that last time he was close to winning silverware with them he bottled it and cracked up. That’s post-modern, man!

By Ollie Irish, Pies Ed. For all its Mickey Mouse reputation, the Carling Cup (aka League Cup, for old-school football fans) has enjoyed one of the finest weeks in its history – its stock has never been so high. Fans, managers, the media, everyone (bar Arsenal fans) seems to be taking it semi-seriously. And all […]

Gerd Müller is arguably the most underrated player in football history. You hear all the time about Cruyff, Pele, Maradona, Best, Van Basten etc. but for some reason The Bomber never gets a look-in. Perhaps that’s because he’s German, or because he wasn’t a graceful player. (Effective, yes; graceful, hell no – check out the […]

A relatively quiet day in Ghana yesterday, at least compared with some of the exciting games earlier in the tournament. In Group D, one of the hardest groups to call, each of the four teams picked up a point after two intriguing, if not scintillating, draws. Tunisia 2-2 Senegal Senegal were denied the win their […]

Typically loony lookalike goodness from Chringle. More shit lookalikes (although some of them are quite good)

Joe Cole scores the only goal of the Carling Cup semi Final, second-leg match between Everton and Chelsea at Goodison Park. Everton have not beaten Chelsea since November 2000, a hoodoo of Arsenal vs Spurs proportions. Incidentally, Petr Cech played last night despite his wife giving birth to their first child – who said the […]

Bressan scored this peach for Fiorentina against Barcelona in the Champions League back in 1999. The scrappy play preceding the goal makes it even more of a bolt from the blue. One second the ball is bobbling around and the next Bressan has thrown himself at it and bagged a 25-yard scissor kick in the process. Nice.

In the wake of ‘Arsenal Fight Club’ (aka the silly bust-up between Nicklas Bendtner and Manu Adebayor), I thought it would be interesting to ask, who do you think is Arsenal’s hardest player? Adebayor and Bendtner are both big, strong lads, but is there anyone in Arsenal’s current squad who could take them in a […]

The facts: Avram Grant has stormed to 21 wins in his first 28 games in charge of Chelsea. Grant has been without the services of injured captain John Terry. Frank Lampard and Didier Drogba have missed plenty of games too. After Chelsea reached the Carling Cup final, with a 1-0 win at Everton last night […]

Juventus appear to have dropped out of the Serie A title race after a 0-0 draw at home to Sampdoria. The Turin side are now nine points behind leaders Inter Milan, who have a game in hand.


The Daily Balls

January 24th, 2008

This morning’s five hottest football stories, rumours and lies: 1. Middlesbrough are happy to sell injury-prone Jonathan Woodgate to Newcastle Utd or Spurs. ‘Boro will want to recoup the £7m they paid to Real Madrid though. Independent 2. Arsene Wenger has been on the phone, offering Theo Walcott to any Premier League club that can […]

Arsenal striker Emmanuel Adebayor is the subject of an FA probe after allegedly headbutting team-mate Nicklas Bendtner during the Gunners 5-1 Carling Cup defeat to Tottenham on Tuesday night. Surprisingly Arsene Wenger – renowned for his astute observations of his players misdemeanors – said: “I did not know anything about it. I didn’t see it.”

Rubia%20cow.jpgWe know life can be tough at grassroots level, but one Spanish club has come up with a crazy scheme to make some cash and probably improve its grass at the same time! Amateur outfit Amoeiro have launched a new club lottery which presents fans with a unique way to help their club and win prizes.

Perhaps this will raise a smile on every Gooner who is suffering today…