Due to some perculiar twist of fate, the top scorers in this week’s Fantasy Football were from further down the Pies league table than I generally care to venture. There’s conspiracy afoot! Whether this is because someone on high has decided the relegation scrappers deserve a break, I don’t know. Perhaps the tables (or at [...]

Fitting on this Easter weekend that we post a classic moment by Pele, the Jesus Christ of footballers. Shame he didn’t stick the ball in the net though…

So fiendish it will literally make you want to do a poo. Fact. (Answers after the click) 1 Chelsea, Leeds Utd, Stoke City, Reading (current). Whose career path? 2 Who was Reading manager before Steve Coppell (not counting caretaker boss Kevin Dillon)? 3 Picture round. Who can’t hear you? 4 Which Italian club was founded [...]

Pies has teamed up with our friends at Goalhanger.com to offer a prize to the winner of this week’s Pies v Lawro Predictathon. Goalhanger has a great range of footy-based t-shirts, including the mighty Unfair Play tee, which we featured yesterday. If you win, you can take your pick from their fine range; Lawro himself [...]

A little something to swell your bank balance this Easter weekend… EVERTON TO BEAT FULHAM 1-0 (6-1) David Moyes’s men can make it a Good Friday for us all by beating Fulham by their favourite scoreline (10 times in last two seasons) tonight. Everton never score many but have beaten the Cottagers the last five [...]

This tie hangs in the balance after an entertaining 90 minutes. Spurs raced into the lead after 68 seconds – Robbie Keane making the most of Dimitar Berbatov’s neat through ball – but Sevilla equalised via a dubious penalty: Paul Robinson felled Adriano in the box, but the Spurs keeper did get a lot of [...]

Samuel Eto’o has given the first signal that he might be keen on a move to Liverpool. It is only a few days since we were looking at possible targets for Rafa Benitez and his £40 million warchest (© The Red Tops), and now it seems that Barcelona striker Eto’o might not mind Liverpool’s advances [...]

Here is the Seville shirt, sort of. This is the Seville shirt minus the sponsor’s logo of 888.com, just the way Fredi Kanoute intended it. So just to clarify, when Seville take to the pitch against Spurs tonight they will be wearing this shirt complete with artistic brushstrokes and 888.com sponsorship. You can click here [...]

A YouTube montage of hot Brazilian babes today, made up of photographs taken at the 2006 World Cup, to follow on from the German honeys we posted earlier this week. Because a World Cup is nothing without Brazilian babes in the crowd.

Ginger prince bends like Bamboo in the summer wind. Can’t tackle for shit.

In football, as in life, unfair play is much more entertaining than fair play. The Devil has all the best tunes, and the best footballers too. To celebrate this fact, Pies strongly recommends that you invest in this brilliant Unfair Play tee. Three cheers for diving, simulating, waving imaginary cards in the ref’s face, over-the-top [...]

FulhamUSA, the website for Fulham’s supporters’ club in the States, is a great read, even if you’re not a) a Fulham fan, b) American, or c) both. I discovered it after clicking on a link to an entertaining interview with Eric Wynalda, a former striker for the Americn national team (he’s the all-time leading scorer, [...]

Man Utd have a job on to progress to the semi finals. They got the crucial away goal that Fergie demanded, so even though they lost I’d say they have a marginally better chance than Chelsea of making the last four. A 1-0 win at Old Trafford will be enough. After Paul Scholes was sent [...]

Pick that out! Great strike by David Silva, followed by a typical ‘hoof it up to Drogba’ reply by the English champions. Valencia now have the edge in the tie; Chelsea are far from out of it, although they do need to score in Spain. Afterwards, Jose Mourinho said that “normally the team that plays [...]

Stefano Napoleoni obviously has a little way to go before his dribbling skills are quite up to Cristiano Ronaldo’s standard. The 20-year-old Italian – who plays in Poland for Widzew Łódź – gets his feet in a bit of a tangle before tripping over here. Bad karma for that offensive ponytail? [Rob Parker]

Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho has announced that he has already made plans to take his children to watch WWE wrestling if his side fail to make it to the Champions League semi-finals. The Special One – adopting his usual calmness in the wake of last night’s 1-1 home draw with Valencia – claimed he would [...]

When trouble kicks off at an English side’s European away match, the one thing you can always be sure of is that an army of baton-wielding uniformed thugs looking like Star Wars Stormtroopers’ navy blue cousins will be around to crack a few heads open. Look how effectively this prostrate Manchester United fan is subdued [...]

Back in 1999 Manchester United were facing Italian opposition in the quarter-finals of the Champions League on their way to the Treble. Now it is Roma, then it was Juventus. Here is the first leg from Old Trafford. [Rob Parker]

Remember Graham Rooney, star of the TJ Hughes commercial and Wayne’s little brother? Well, if making a few bob by being a cheaper-to-hire version of Wayne seemed cheeky, Graham is now parading around with his very own Coleen. Carly Gardiner, Coleen’s cousin, is the other half of this (even more) downmarket match-up. Watch this space [...]

So Dirk Kuyt (pictured, left) reportedly got himself booked deliberately during last night’s Champions League walkover, by failing to retreat for a free-kick. This means the Dutch striker will now serve a one-game suspension in the second leg of the virtually-dead Liverpool v PSV rubber and thus be free to play in the CL semis. [...]

A new range of t-shirts (and loads of other merchandise, including mugs, calendars, button badges and even a kitchen apron) has been launched Stateside, urging David Beckham to break free from the shackles of Victoria. The ‘Keep Posh’ message is to us in the UK, apparently. ‘Fraid not people – we’ve been looking forward to [...]

Name Michaela Henderson-Thynne. Ooh, posh name! Nationality British WAG of… Middlesbrough & England left winger/Steve McClaren pet Stewart Downing. Michaela, a 21-year-old law student who loves to shop, met Stewart four years ago when they were introduced through her cousin. Aw, sweetness. Hang on a minute, news is reaching us that the couple has recently [...]

I’m sure this Leeds & England fan is a lovely chap – great with children and animals etc. – but he is also one scary-as-hell customer. Can’t put my finger on why – perhaps it’s the red-eye? [Via The Offside]

It will be seconds out at Stamford Bridge this evening as Valencia Amateur Boxing Club take on Chelsea in the Champions League quarter-final. The Spanish outfit will be boxing out of the white corner. Their Nike-manufactured shirt is pretty basic with just the orange and black trim and red Toyota logo providing a bit of [...]

1 There are few sights in football as beautiful as a confident Peter Crouch doing his thing. It’s like watching an excitable baby giraffe taking its first steps. 2 Nicely bobbling ball, 25 yards out: John Arne Riise is the man you want! 3 We stuck our necks out after the last round and said [...]