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Who ate all the pies

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KK has snapped up a big targetman to bag him some goals. Howay The Monster!

Zlatan’s arrow-straight shot seems to be accelerating as it hits the back of the net. As pure a strike as you could wish to see, and executed with typically casual brilliance. More wonder goals

A world-class strike from Darren Barnard, a very talented player who played 24 times for Wales, but who never quite fulfilled his undoubted potential. Thanks to Pies reader David Allison for the tip-off. More wonder goals

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It is taken for granted now that the Premier League is dominated by the Big Four of Manchester United, Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool. But this season there has been a considerable amount of waffling done by pundits and managers about which side can haul themselves onto the same level as the Big Four and make it a Big Five.

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Champions Lyon blew away the Christmas cobwebs with a 3-2 win over Toulouse. Hatem Ben Arfa, Juninho and star striker Karim Benzema – who has not left the club despite an anticipated scramble for his signature during the transfer window – were on the scoresheet to secure victory. And as nearest rivals Nancy could only muster a 0-0 draw against Caen, Lyon extended their lead to six points. Unfortunately for Lyon they took the shine off their league performances by getting knocked out of the League Cup with a 1-0 defeat to Le Mans (hence Juninho looking a little sorry for himself above).

The hottest five football stories doing the rounds this morning… 1. Kevin Keegan to be unveiled at St James’ Park today, but not in front of the Toon Army. BBC Sport 2. Rio Ferdinand: ‘I’d love to be England captain, innit. I’d merk that job.’ Sky Sports 3. Shaun Wright-Phillips and Jermain Defoe issue ‘come […]

In which Stelling, a Hartlepool lad, speaks up in defence of Middlesbrough. Jeff, you are an absolute English treasure and without doubt the best football broadcaster working in this country today. The sooner you are knighted, the better. PS. I have a confession: I am a soft southerner and have never been to Middlesbrough either […]

Luca Toni, Lukas Podolski, Willy Sagnol and Hamit Altintop play a game of football tennis during a Bayern Munich training session in Marbella, Spain. Photo Alexander Hassenstein/Bongarts/Getty Images

This video is not just funny because it shows a Premier League football star embarrassing himself by dancing. It is also funny because said Premier League star obviously knows he is being filmed and is performing for the camera. And perhaps the thing that tops it all in the hilarity stakes is the fact that the dance routine has obviously been choreographed and a lot of time and effort has gone into the preparation. Take it away, Micah Richards.

Arsenal

Daily Club Pies 16/01/08

January 17th, 2008

Arsenal Pies Will Mathieu Flamini join Claudio ‘The Tinkerman’ Ranieri at Juventus? Chelsea Pies Will Shaun-Wright Phillips be Kevin Keegan’s No.1 transfer target at Newcastle? Liverpool Pies Dubai Investment Capital are willing and able to buy out Tom Hicks’ stake in Liverpool. Troubling times ahead at Anfield? Man Utd Pies Five weeks and counting until […]

This model is so very, very happy to be holding that football. And I’m very happy that she’s so happy. So everybody’s happy. More babes with balls

The African Cup of Nations has been going, in one form or another, since 1957. The 1972 final between Congo Brazzaville (also known as the Republic of Congo – not to be confused with the Democratic Republic of Congo, formerly Zaire) and Mali remains one of the most memorable finals, and not just because it […]

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The rumours have already started about which players Kevin Keegan will splash Mike Ashley’s millions on. Here are 11 reminders of why Mr Ashley might like to keep an eye on the purse strings.

We all know about Didier Drogba, Samuel Eto’o and Michael Essien, but there are more than three players worth watching at the Africa Cup of Nations, which starts on 20th January. Courtesy of the good people from World Cup Blog (who’ll be covering the tournament in depth), here’s a quick run-down of 10 players worth […]

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The Duck has landed. Brazilian sensation Alexandre Pato scored on his debut for AC Milan, grabbing the fifth goal in a 5-2 thrashing of Napoli. While this might offer Milan fans hope the future, it doesn’t help them a great deal in the short-term. They are still 12th in the Serie A table and remain 25 points behind table-topping city rivals Inter Milan.

Beef-cake in ‘short shorts’ alert! (Control yourself ladies, Kevin is a happily married man.) I can’t really think of anything else to say about this tremendously homoerotic picture. Don’t stare at it too long, that’s my only advice. God, I tell you what – I absolutely ‘love it’ that King Keggy is back in the […]

Clash of the white afros alert! You just don’t see players with this much hair today, which is a shame – Rio Ferdinand sported the look in pre-season a couple of years ago, but he didn’t have the balls to keep it for the real season. Breitner (he’s the one with the scary wolfman beard) […]

kevin_keegan-head_over_heels_in_love_s.jpg‘No lover of English football will begrudge him [Keegan] the opportunity… to write a new chapter in the history of an extraordinary club. The cavalier has entered the gates and the roundheads are in flight. It may all end in tears. But the noise when he makes his return on Saturday evening will be worth hearing.’ Guardian Sport Blog

Sky Sports reporter David Craig is mobbed by Newcastle United supporters as he announces the appointment of Kevin Keegan as the club’s new manager, prior to the FA Cup third-round replay between Newcastle and Stoke City at St James’ Park. The Keegan magic didn’t take long to take effect – Newcastle won 4-1, despite playing […]

Non-league outfit Havant & Waterlooville set up a dream FA Cup tie against Liverpool with a 4-2 victory over Swansea. The Blue Square South outfit went 3-0 up against the League One side. They now travel to Anfield on Saturday, January 26.

We all remember Kevin Keegan’s after school endeavours don’t we? His disastrous appearance on Superstars, his ‘hit’ single ‘Head Over Heels’ and of course, doing ads for Brut aftershave. Well, King Kev also did a public service advert for crossing the road with safety. Well, watch it again… with disastrous results once more. That jacket/hair […]

For all the entertaining football, promotions and close run title races, the defining moment of Kevin Keegan’s first reign as Newcastle United boss was arguably this blubbering moan about Alex Ferguson.

Well, Pies will be featuring a lot of Kevin Keegan-related stuff this week, in light of the extraordinary news that King Kev has been appointed Newcastle United manager, for the second time in his career. I confess that I didn’t see that coming, even when Sky Sports News was running it as their main ‘story’ […]

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Yowza! Big news. HRH King Kevin Keegan is returning to Newcastle United to manage the club for the second time. The 56-year-old has been confirmed as Sam Allardyce’s replacement at St James’ Park. Keegan said on Monday: “I’m not ruling myself out or in. It’s a club I love, everyone knows that.”