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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Here’s US commentator Max Bretos calling a Riise free-kick. Beats John Motson, any day. (The Kraken is a mythical sea monster, in case you didn’t know.) Links Liverpool Pies

Jeez, I hope the guy in red who kicked the ball didn’t go home and kill himself. Via The Beautiful Game

As scripted, boy genius Alexandre Pato scored on his Milan debut, in the Rossoneri’s 5-2 rout of Napoli at the San Siro. The 18-year-old Brazilian netted Milan’s fifth with a cool finish. There’s no doubt that Pato has all the talent to become football’s next global superstar. He’s potentially better than Kaka, Messi, Ronaldo et […]

I meant to put this team up when we were 19 games (i.e. exactly halfway through the season) into the Prem campaign. Still, better slightly late than never… here, for you to peruse/violently disagree with, is Pies’ Premier League team of the season, at the halfway stage (it will be interesting to see how much […]

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Table-topping Real Madrid beat bottom-side Levante 0-2 courtesy of a late Ruud van Nistelrooy brace. The Dutchman broke the deadlock with a 76th minute penalty and added a second goal three minutes from time. Barcelona ensured they didn’t fall any further behind than the seven point they already trail the champions by with a 4-0 thrashing of Murcia.

No goalkeeper to stop this going in, but you can’t deny that this is a lovely, curling finish from spin bowler Mushy (as he was celebrating Sussex CCC’s C&G Trophy win at Brighton & Hove Albion).

Remember Wayne Rooney’s Put It Where You Want It viral for Nike? Well, here is the behind-the-scenes that proves he was unable to hit the camera at the first attempt. No, Wazza’s accuracy is so poor that it took him three whole attempts before he found his tiny target.

The most direct indirect free-kick I’ve ever seen. Knowing how hard Big Alan can twat a ball (very hard indeed), there’s no way I’d want to be in that wall. Nicely worked goal though – a ruthless finish from one of England’s most ruthless finishers.

Disgraceful that someone would vandalise a German national team shirt like that. And has she superglued the ball to her hair by mistake? Answers on a postcard please… More babes with balls

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The perfect manager for Newcastle? It’s not Alan Shearer (no experience) or Kevin Keegan (a ghost from the past), but Jose Mourinho.

1214051.jpgI have Sky Sports News on in the background, and all I can hear is the anchor reading out excited emails/texts from Newcastle fans who are creaming themselves simply because Kevin Keegan hasn’t ruled himself out of the Newcastle manager’s job (having had a microphone/TV camera thrust in his face). The general gist of most of these messages is: ‘Come on Mike Ashley, give us the dream team of Keegan and Shearer, two Toon legends! Howay the lads!’

And we’re are not talking about one of Mickey Thomas’s tenners here. This video puts together some of the worst acts of diving, simulation and feigning injury and puts them together in a neat little package for you.

Bayern Munich players train in Marbella, Spain. Photo Alexander Hassenstein/Bongarts/Getty Images

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HEROES
Kieran Richardson The ex-Man Utd whinger winger put in a classy display and scored a brace to earn Sunderland a priceless three points against Portsmouth.

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A sloth, Jens Lehmann, a fat kid with a mountain of selection boxes to work his way through and Laurent Robert in a defensive training session. These are just a few examples of things that are more active than a Ligue 1 footballer in January.

This slightly disturbing advert for Carlsberg Sport will leave you wondering if it is you or the squirrel who has been on the juice. This squirrel has serious skills!

little%20and%20large%20urawa.jpgJ-League outfit Urawa Red Diamonds show off new signing Naohiro Takahara. The Japanese international striker has joined from Eintracht Frankfurt. I’m not convinced about his strike partner though – she makes Michael Owen look like Peter Crouch. [Note to Ed. - not to be used in the new Babe with a ball category!]

Games

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

January 11th, 2008

1. Career path Perugia, Glasgow Rangers, Salernitana, AC Milan (current)? 2. True or false? Ryan Giggs has been mentioned in an episode of The Simpsons. 3. Picture round Who’s the boy wonder? (click to enlarge) 4. Team-mates Ray Houghton, Iain Dowie, Tomas Brolin and Mikael Forssell all played for which club? 5. The fixture Which […]

Do you see what the clever fashion designer has done? That model’s bikini bottoms look just like an old-fashioned football! Some kind of genius is at work here. More babes with balls

Foosbot, developed by students at Rice University, in Houston, Texas, has never been defeated by a human opponent. Either the robot is really good, or its opponents have been really crap. I think I could take him. Via Guardian Sport Blog

December 1995 Eric Cantona checks Man Utd’s defensive wall (featuring Lee Sharpe, David Beckham, Andy Cole and Brian McClair) during the Premier League match between United and Liverpool at Anfield. Liverpool won the game 2-0, a defeat that Man Yoo boss Alex Ferguson probably blamed on his side’s ‘low-visibility’ grey kit. Photo Allsport/ALLSPORT

78544768.jpgTottenham coach Juande Ramos has seen more than enough of Paul Robinson (favourite TV show: The Clangers) to realise that Spurs really, REALLY need a new goalkeeper if they are ever to achieve consistency.

Here is Middlesbrough and Spurs target Fred (the Brazilian with the most Premier League-friendly name in his country’s history) scoring what we think is the fastest goal ever scored with video evidence to back the claim. And 3.17 seconds is a pretty quick goal in anyone’s book.

Here at Pies we love a good goalkeeping clanger, and this effort from AEK Athens’ Marcelo Moretto fits perfectly into that category. Asteras Tripolis’ Filomena can hardly believe his luck as his shot wriggles under the keeper.

Props to Sheldon, Shiny Media’s design guru, for this tremendous nomination. Jermain, you’re going to have to do a lot more than that to win a place in Fabio Capello’s England team… More Shit Lookalikes