Only Jose Mourinho could escape a fine after calling Mike Riley a "filho da puta" ("son of a whore") during yesterday’s FA Cup quarter-final tie against Tottenham. The Chelsea manager was caught by television cameras using the phrase towards the referee at half-time, but Riley did not mention any incident in his report and told [...]

They should really rename this the Premiership Cup, shouldn’t they? When is a non-Prem team going to reach the last four again, let alone the final? Anyway, this is how this season’s semi-final draw shapes up: Blackburn Rovers v Chelsea/Tottenham Watford v Middlesbrough/Man Utd Well, Chelsea/Spurs and Man Utd have been kept apart, which is [...]

1 Ugo Ehiogu, Celtic v RangersIs that really Ugo Ehiogu? If so, where did he find the skill to manage this finish? Most out of character.

If you’re one of the many football fans who also likes a bit of hot leather-on-willow action, then Pies has just the site for you: The Googly is Shiny Media’s sparkling new (well, revamped) cricket blog. It’s like Pies only with smaller balls – not that we like to boast about the size of our [...]

SATURDAYMiddlesbrough v Man UtdLawro: 1-1Pies: 2-1Actual: 2-2 SUNDAYChelsea v TottenhamLawro: 2-1Pies: 0-1Actual: 3-3

Big designer sunglasses: check. Chunky scarf, carefully tied around the neck: check. Obligatory LA baseball cap: check. Size 0 ex-pop-star wife: check. Crappy NHS walking stick: ch… hang on a minute, shouldn’t Becks really be wielding a pimp-style Versace cane, rather than this wholly unfashionable support? OK, so he’s buggered up his knee ligaments, but [...]

Spurs v Chelsea wasn’t the only thrilling 3-3 draw this weekend. Spain’s big grudge match also came out even, thanks to the magic of the marvellous Mr Messi. This excellent video shows Messi’s every touch in that game, including his memorable hat-trick:

Bouba Diop’s Senegalese shirt dance has to be my favourite, but all of them are worth watching (some inspired music choices in there too)…

I’d like to see Craig Bellamy & John Arne-Riise perform this camp classic at a karaoke night, preferably with both dressed in sailor outfits. It would be good for the game. Football/soccer needs more shameless gayness.

SATURDAYMiddlesbrough v Man UtdLawro: 1-1Pies: 2-1 SUNDAYChelsea v TottenhamLawro: 2-1Pies: 0-1

What time is it? It’s Fiendish Time! (Answers after the click) 1 Bristol Rovers, Wigan Athletic, West Bromwich Albion (current). Whose career path?2 Which Englishman has scored the most Champions League goals this season?3 Picture round. Who ‘dis? 4 Which club won the last ever European Cup Winner’s Cup? (clue: the final was held at [...]

Even if you don’t speak Spanish, you get a great idea of how Spanish TV saw the game. Watch out for the awesome karaoke version of ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ at the beginning of the video.

In the Lens – Leverkusen match, Monterrubio scored this peach of a lob to kick start the French sides victory in the UEFA Cup. What strikes me about this goal is that no-one seems to try these anymore, with strikers preferring to try and drill it under the ‘keepers body. So Monterrubio, we salute you [...]

Look at Ronaldo. What’s he up to? Is he being a great ambassador for the Brazilian national team? It doesn’t look like it does it? In fact, you could argue that he’s being very crass indeed. Anyone care to explain what he’s up to? [Mof Gimmers] Thanks to Sammy for alerting me to the wrongness…

Backheels, superlative flicks, diving heads, jinking runs, six goals… prior, you wouldn’t have thought that we were talking about a Newcastle match would you? Well, for those of you who missed last nights UEFA Cup match between the Magpies and AZ Alkmaar, have (most of) the goals here. Newcastle V AZ Alkmaar  first half goalsUploaded [...]

Steve Morrow. Remembered for only one thing. Being unceremoniously dumped on his head after scoring the winner in a cup final for Arsenal and nearly perishing. So, what better way to relive the moment than with Baddiel and Skinner taking the piss out it? [Mof Gimmers]

There is nothing like a funny chant at a ground to make you realise how wonderful football can really be. Sometimes chants become famous in their own right… just like "There’s only two Andy Gorams!" after he was diagnosed with schizophrenia or the brilliant "You’re not as good as Christmas" sung at Jermaine Easter recently. [...]

Cast your mind back to a time when England used to play well in friendlies, and when your folks would let you stay up late to watch the highlights on the Beeb. Well, if that was you in the early nineties, then you’ll recall the marvellous Sportsnight that would feature things like Tony Dorigo’s England [...]

The Carling Cup final and now this… I know loads of non-Arsenal fans who will have chuckled out loud when PSV equalised at the Emirates last night. You want to shake Thierry Henry and his talented chums and shout: ‘For God’s sake, we know you’re all brilliant players, but just stick the ball in the [...]

Here’s a snap of Cristiano Ronaldo impressing Canadian supermodel Daria Werbowy with his ball control/sharp suit. She is laughing at how much gel he has in his hair, and probably saying to him, ‘Do that dive that you always do…’ It’s taken from a shoot in the latest issue of US Vogue, no less. Maybe [...]

Munich didn’t muck about, did they? Less than 11 seconds after Madrid kicked off and the ball was in the back of their net, thanks to a cool Roy Makaay finish – that, my Pie-eating friends, is a Champions League record. Watch out for the impressive powers of concentration shown by Roberto Carlos. Nice one [...]

1 Why is it Ballack & Shevchenko can do it against Europe’s finest, but not against the likes of Wigan and Charlton? Must be very frustrating for Chelski fans.2 It’s never a good idea to headbutt the pitch. Just ask poor Mikael Silvestre.3 Celtic have got some very talented kids who should be proud of [...]

You couldn’t make this up (see screenshot): As seen on ESPN, this glorious Carry On-style headline details alleged bribery by the Slovak FA’s acting Secretary General, one Vladimir Wanke (tee-hee). The story itself is roughly 98% less interesting than the headline, which is a work of genius.

Liverpool must be buzzing today. They’ve just beaten Barcelona! The European champions for crying out loud! Well, whilst the players smile away, any neutral who watched the game must be wondering why they bothered. With most of the press being, shall we say, kind to Rafa & Co, the same can’t be said for the [...]

You thought that Cristiano Ronaldo was the player most likely to set a record for the amount of step-overs? Think again. Check out Amantino Mancini’s million step-overs before rifling the ball home for Roma as they swept past Lyon in the Champions League last night.