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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Pies needs you! To support England’s 2018 World Cup bid, I want to hear your all-time World Cup XIs (in a 4-4-2 formation). John Barnes, who is one of the ambassadors for the bid, has chosen his all-time World Cup XI – all you have to do is guess which players he chose. The reader […]

Simon Cowell’s new boy band intimidated Westlife Sergio Tacchini, Adidas, Fila, Ellesse, Diadora… brand names to bring tears of nostalgia to the eyes of football casuals in the Eighties. (A lot of hooligans were also casuals, but it’s worth pointing out that many casuals had no interest at all in “top boys” and their firms.) […]

Landycakes is not happy. Tim Howard is not happy. Carlos Bocanegra is… you get the message. Bonus fact! Landon Donovan’s voice is being used by the US military as a new form of smart weapon: a 20-second clip of Landycakes speaking is enough to put even the most alert of enemies into a deep coma […]

After Kath’s not-shit-at-all lookalike last time up, I thought we needed to return to a genuinely shit entry. And here it is. Think you can do better (I’m sure you can). Email Pies with your suggestion

This is how the Fair Play table looked at the end of the 08/09 season (click to enlarge). It’s judged on the following criteria: R/Y = Red/Yellow cards (three pts for a red, one for a yellow), max. of 10 pts per match P/P = Positive Play, max. 10 pts per match R/O = Respect […]

Arshavin: “Pick me, pick me!” Fabregas: “Shut up, you’ve only been here for five minutes…” Tis the season for buying and selling, so I thought I’d ask you, who’s the last player at your club you’d sell? Arsenal fans, you start us off (seeing as how you’re first in the Prem alphabet and all)… It’s […]

The latest PES was due to star Cristiano Ronaldo, not Lionel Messi, but the game’s developers haven’t figured out yet how to recreate petulance convincingly – it just comes out looking like sadness and longing. Hopefully someone at Konami will crack this code in time for PES 2011. What do we know about the new […]

Arsenal are close to signing Thomas Vermaelen for around £10m. But will the highly rated Ajax centre-back turn out to be the new Tony Adams, or the next Philippe Senderos? From what I’ve seen of the 23-year-old Belgian (on YouTube mostly) he can’t properly be compared to either Adams or Senderos. Vermaelen is a much […]

A witty Villa fan’s attempt to deface a poster of the club’s ex-skipper. Fail And so Gareth Barry joins the sorry ranks of British football traitors, along with all the other Judas Iscariots who had the nerve to leave one football club to join a different football club. And he only gave them 11 years […]

I bet Claudio Reyna never had to put up with any of this infomercial shit when he was playing in England. Poor chap. Perhaps this is what prompted him to quit New York?

Italy will wear this unusual new Puma kit during this month’s Confederations Cup in South Africa (the other competing nations are Egypt, USA, Iraq, Spain, Brazil, New Zealand and the hosts). As you can see, it’s a much lighter shade of blue than the usual “Azzurri blue”. The new blue is more typical of the […]

Ooh, that hits the spot Sylvinho’s contract with Barcelona ran out at the end of last month, and the club decided not to re-sign him – so the veteran full-back, 35, is now a free agent. Which means Barca need a new left-sided defender as back up for first-choice LB, Eric Abidal. claims that […]

They don’t make ‘em like “Griller” Greavsie anymore (shame). If football is a funny old game, wrestling is even more strange. Shame Jimmy didn’t team up with old pundit partner, Ian “Saint” St John – they would have made a brilliant tag team. [Spotted @ Guardian] Which football pundit would you like to see being […]

OK, a couple of things: 1) I’ve never seen Gareth Barry celebrate with a rubbish forward flip. He’s way too dull to do something so exuberant. 2) Surely it would take more than a forearm to put down Big John Carew? 3) At least FIFA’s collision detection works. This wouldn’t happen in Pro Evo Soccer, […]

The Daily Express, that bastion of quality journalism, has awarded substantial damages to Little Mickey Owen. The Express paid (an undisclosed amount) for an article it published on its back page last month, titled “Unwanted Toon striker at a cross roads, Finished at 29?” Another piece ran with the headline “Owen ready for sad finale”. […]

Barry will never wear Villa’s lovely new away kit in anger Man City don’t do long, drawn-out transfer sagas. Leave that to Real Madrid et al. Their move to sign Gareth Barry was ruthlessly and swiftly executed. Few people saw it coming, and I guess there are more than a few irate Villa fans wondering […]

It’s crystal clear where Le Coq Sportif’s designers got the inspiration for Everton’s home shirt for 09/10. As you can see, it’s a deliberate copy of the classic HAFNIA kit of the mid-Eighties, as worn by one of Everton’s finest ever teams - the Eighties revival shows no sign of stopping. And doesn’t Louis Saha look […]

With Kaka set to sign for Real Madrid in the next few days, where does that leave Madrid’s acknowledged No.1 target, Cristiano Ronaldo? On the face of it, you might think Madrid had chosen one marquee player over another. But with the amazing – and galling – success of rivals Barcelona this season, Real president […]

Yanic Truesdale is a Canadian actor best known for his portrayal of Michel Gerard in the TV series Gilmore Girls, which I can safely say I’ve never watched. I have watched Gabby Agbonlahor though, scampering down the wing as fast as his little legs will take him. Cheers to Kath McPherson for sending this one […]

Liverpool fan sizes up his captain This is what all “real” football fans look like, of course. In other words, they look like shit: overweight, bald and with a hint of special needs around the eyes. I guess Adidas were going for the “ordinary bloke in the Kop” look but went a bit too far. […]

Spanish media claims it’s a done deal I belong to Jesus and Madrid According to Marca and other sources in Spain, Kaka will be presented at the Bernabeu next week, having completed a €65m deal to Real Madrid. Although Kaka said he didn’t want to leave Milan, I never doubted that this deal would happen. […]

Norwegian giant praised to the heavens “Brede Hangeland, Brede Hangeland, He is Norway’s Bobby Moore (Bobby Moore). He is Norway’s Bobby Moore.” Hangers might not be on the same level as the great Moore, but if he has a few more seasons like this one, he won’t be far off. Fulham fans worship him, clearly.

Recognise this ex-player? Face look familiar? Or perhaps you’ve seen those finely tuned knees before? Know the answer? Have a guess and click below to see if you’re right…

Watch it and your bottom lip will wobble This is the real reason Barcelona won the CL final – a cheesy, yet rather inspiring highlights package of Barca’s stars in action, cut with footage from Ridley Scott’s Gladiator. (The final was in Rome, you see.) Barca boss Guardiola showed it to his players before the […]

And he was wearing rock and roll shoes! The Kasabian guitarist apparently once harboured ambitions of playing up front for Leicester City and on this evidence there is no reason why he couldn’t leave his rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle behind to become a journeyman striker at Championship level. Live on Soccer AM with the cameras […]