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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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The home kit is fine, the away kit is too clever by half… You might not be suprised to discover that FC Augsburg’s new kits are made by k-k-krazy German manufacturer Do You Football, who are also repsonsible for VfL Bochum’s mental ‘smudged’ kit. Yes, we get that Augsburg begins with the letter A. You […]

Remember when curtain hair was all the rage? It was the Premier League of all hairstyles. Pies travels back in time to that very era (let’s call it the Nineties), to enjoy some of the very best curtains ever seen (and not an undercut in sight). Enjoy… 1. David Seaman Look how attractive the curtains […]

Because there’s nothing worse in modern football than the office plastic… Hmm, wonder why they chose Liverpool? A mere coincidence, I’m sure. Still, as the cliché goes, it’s funny because it’s true. [Spotted @ the splendid Two Footed Tackle]

[Photo @ venturacountystar.com / Juan Carlo] Everton’s first summer signing is Anton Peterlin… Tumbleweeds roll past… When I first heard about the signing I had no idea who Peterlin was either, but I know a bit more now. He’s a defensive midfielder, he’s American, he’s 22 years old, and the remarkable story of his journey […]

Spanish rag Sport claims that Man City want to bring Carles Puyol from the Camp Nou to Eastlands. New Chelsea boss Carlo Ancelotti has told City to stay the hell away from John Terry, and even though JT and Mark Hughes were spotted at the same Dubai resort recently, it now seems 99% certain that […]

Ooh, doesn’t the white shirt really make his tan pop! And number 9 too – the number of a certain forward called Alfredo di Stefano. As a fan of the Premier League and an Englishman, it’s – strangely – a little hurtful to watch the £80m man strut out at the Bernabeu in all-white. Ron […]

The Ronaldo circus rolled into Spain today. This afternoon, Ron passed his Madrid medical with flying colours. Carlos Diez, Real’s medical chief, said: “[Ronaldo] is in perfect condition and very eager to start the season as soon as possible.” No one tells C-Ron he’s in perfect physical condition, of course. He knows it already. In […]

‘He’s got good touch for a big man’ is one of Pies’ favourite football cliches. These ten players, listed in no particular order, prove that not all 6-footers are lumbering oafs. 1. Emmanuel Adebayor (6ft 3in) The unsettled Arsenal striker has excellent feet, as he shows here: Shame about his mental strength, some might say. […]

Exhibit A: ‘Soccer is a reason to riot.’ ‘I don’t hate, I relate.’ ‘Soccer still ranks somwhere between World’s Strongest Man and professional poker.’ If you see Jim Rome in the street - he’s the one with the douchebag goatee - don’t let me stop you from throwing your pre-bagged urine sack in his smug face. He’s […]

Before: After: Take one picture of Manuel Almunia conceding a goal. Open Photoshop, change the position of the ball (not a crucial detail, after all), change the kit, erase the hoarding sponsor, and – ta-dah! – you have one shiny, on-brand ad for Arsenal’s new goalkeeping kit. The truth? Screw the truth. ‘By the way, […]

During a recent Swedish league match between Hammarby and Trelleborgs, a teenage girl invaded the pitch and gestured at Hammarby midfielder Maic Sema. As you can see, Sema happens to be black, and the disturbed invader happens to be making a Nazi salute - at least, that’s the conclusion of our friends over @ 101 Great […]

Here’s Herr Ballack enjoying yesterday’s epic Federer v Roddick snooze at Wimbledon (16-14 in the final set? It should have been exciting, but it wasn’t). Can you spot the Chelsea midfielder? Clue: he’s the one wearing the eye-burningly horrific shirt. This is no great surprise: Ballack is German and a footballer. And I can’t think […]

If you follow Pies on Twitter, good things will happen to you. Plus you get to find out about new posts and other stuff going on inside my head. What’s not to like!? (You don’t have to answer that.) Because you were good enough to click on this post, I’ll treat you to a photo […]

Our chums at The Spoiler claimed that this beautiful goal was scored by the Falcao, i.e. the Art Garfunkel lookalike who played alongside Zico and Socrates in the Eighties. But unless my eyes deceive me, the Falcao who scored this goal for Brazil against Romania at a recent indoor international footie tournament is a wee […]

Probably not the look Nike was going for… Chringle, you should be proud er, ashamed of yourself. Man Utd’s new home kit for 09/10

Umbro kill it once again with this very simple, very retro kit, which brings back memories of this old chess-board number: Another pic below: Now that is a proper football kit. Excellent work, Umbro - being bought out by Nike has turned you into a decent kit manufacturer, it seems. Rate the kit: Rate Rangers new […]

As you can see, Pies has changed, and about time too - the old design was clunky and frankly not a lot of fun to look at - much like Franck Ribery. We really hope you like the new look. There are a few teething troubles to resolve, but they should be fixed soon - Movable Type can […]

Look at Mickey’s little face! He can’t contain his freaking delight at escaping from Newcastle Utd! He’s like a kid on Christmas Eve. Bless. I wonder what Liverpool fans think about a Liverpool legend (OK, not a legend, but certainly an important player in the club’s recent history) who is now talking so enthusiastically about […]

Fergie really hurt my pride (ahem) [Photo @ The Sun] Wow, if Carlito on a mission to alienate every single United fan on the planet, he’s going about it the right way. In today’s Mirror, he’s credited with the following quote: “Ferguson still believes I will be at United next season. He thinks I will […]

Will Cashley join Real Madrid’s All-New Galacticos? In a word, no A certain red-topped tabloid newspaper claims that everyone’s favourite left-back has rejected Chelsea’s latest contract offer, reportedly because he wants the same sort of mega cash (£100,000+ a week) that his England team-mates, John Terry and Frank Lampard, are on. Since everyone seems to […]

When do I wake up? The small print: Owen has signed a two-year, performance-related deal. Fergie reacted to the signing by lying saying, “Michael is a world-class forward with a proven goalscoring record at the highest level.” Liverpool fans, how does this photo make you feel? Look at it! Look at Mickey, look at how […]

The rumours were right: Kenny Dalglish is returning to Liverpool to take up a senior role in the club’s academy. King Kenny will also act as a global ambassador for LFC, travelling the world to talk about how soft and well-groomed Rafa’s beard is, no doubt while snacking on vol-au-vonts and sipping the finest wines […]

Get me a rum and coke NOW. I’m on a roll… Fergie seems willing to overlook Michael Owen’s appalling injury record, unlike Big Sam, who wasn’t prepared to take a risk on signing a player who might not be able to give Blackburn at least 30 games next season. I understand Allardyce’s argument - he has […]

Chelsea didn’t just reject Man City’s bid for Mr JT; they blew it out of the water with a snide dismissal worthy only of the Great Peter Kenyon: “Chelsea Football Club can confirm it has completely rejected an offer from Manchester City for John Terry. “It was made clear to City, for the second time […]

Now Fergie has two crocked Owens to play with. Boom boom.