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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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The Sun tells us that Andrey Arshavin has a new nickname at Arsenal: “Meerkat”. If you’ve seen the incredibly annoying Compare the Meerkat adverts on TV, you’ll know why: Meerkat: Arshavin: A bit more imaginative than “Arshy” I suppose, but still it smacks of rather childish banter. Translation: I wish I’d thought of it first.

LONG SHOOOOOOOOOT! Holy sushi, that is one brilliant finish, just as impressive as David Beckham’s famous lob against Wimbledon, or Xabi Alonso’s effort against Newcastle Utd. If you’re interested, Uesato plays for Consadole Sapporoin the J-League’s second tier. His goal was scored against the brilliantly named Avispa Fukuoka. [@ 101GreatGoals]

The second part of Pies round-up of Prem hardmen. (Part one here) Click the image below to see the top ten…

When I found out that Celtic and Arsenal could draw each other in the CL playoffs, I assumed it would happen. And, surprise surprise, it has. This is a pretty good draw for both teams and their supporters. Arsenal will be confident, quite rightly too, of running rings around an average Celtic side, while Celtic […]

“It’s going to be difficult to break into the top four, but if anyone has the potential this club does.” Peter Crouch, speaking earlier this week about Spurs’ chances this season. We’ve been here before. New player arrives at Spurs, can’t stop himself making unreasonable claims on the club’s behalf. Top four? Behave yourself, Crouchy. […]

Look how much fun you can have when you’re earning more than £100,000 in a week!! Fun fun fun. Click the photo below to see the gallery of City’s open day at Eastlands:

I don’t know in what situation a black, grey and pink colour scheme qualifies as camouflage? In the crazy, mixed up world of Scottish football, apparently. Whether or not Puma’s new away kit for Partick becomes more popular than last season’s pink-and-grey hooped number(the fastest-selling shirt in the club’s history) remains to be seen. In […]

A few hours ago, Alberto Aquilani touched down at Heathrow. Pies was there, camera in hand, to snap the Italian. He giggled like a girl. Too many G&Ts on the flight perhaps?

Spot the player who’s thinking “Hmm, wonder which team I can move to in January?” Give yourself a point if you said Angry Craig Bellamy.

“I knew MLS had some Mickey Mouse clubs, but this is ridiculous.” Even without all of their star players and playing away from home, Barcelona were good enough to crush one of MLS’s better teams, namely Seattle Sounders FC. Lionel Messi scored twice in an individual masterclass, as Seattle had no answer to the European […]

“Do I wanna go Hull City NO. Do I wanna go stoke NO do I wanna go sunderland YES so stop f****** around levy.” Dazza Bent’s already infamous Tweet seems to have had a positive effect. The striker did get his “dream” move to Mackemland, and so avoided a one-way trip to hell Hull/Stoke. And […]

Liverpool fans, superstitious? Yes, judging by the hundreds of comments left on the Guardian’s Liverpool FC pre-season profile, in which the newspaper’s football writers collectively predicted that Liverpool will win the league this season. A sample of the reaction to this (brave) prediction:

After a summer of big sales but no big signings, this is a photo that will brighten every Villa fan’s day - Leeds fans tell me the boy is a bit special. Still, Martin O’Neill mustn’t stop there. Villa still have a thin squad and need at least two more players before the summer transfer window […]

Who in the blazes is this? If you think you know, leave a comment with your answer. Yesterday’s answer: Roberto Di Matteo Mike P was first to get it, followed closely by Gary Andrews, DCDJ, Bikram and Tom P. Well done chaps. Kipp, get with it – Chris Sutton!?

Newcastle fan George Wright, 45, has got a big ole’ tattoo of Sir Bobby Robson’s face inked on his left thigh: What, a minute’s silence and a raised pint wasn’t enough for you, George? Now it’s like Sir Bob is chuckling at your cock. For the rest of your life. Newcastle fans really do put […]

“Are you sure this pose doesn’t look gay?” Quote of the day comes from A-Ha hearthrob Morten Harket, who revealed in an interview with Sky News that the band supports… drum roll… Stoke City! “When were kids Stoke was massive in Norway,” Morten explained. “We can give you the 1975 line-up, but I’m not sure […]

Alberto Aquilani, who is set to become Liverpool’s latest signing (subject to a medical), has played only 73 games in three seasons for current club Roma. His last appearance was on March 11, against Arsenal in the Champions League. Hmmm. Alarm bells going off… For all Aquilani’s talent – he’s razor-sharp on the ball and […]

The photo on the right was taken just last night, during Man City’s “friendly” at Rangers (City lost 3-2, btw). Bellamy, a former Celtic player, got a frightful amount of stick from the crowd, and he reacted by doing his usual impression of an angry little prick with a bad case of short man syndrome. […]

After the first leg of this CL qualifier, I thought Celtic were out. I was wrong and I’m happy to say that - Tony Mowbray deserves this result, which was Celtic’s first away win in the CL since 2003. Goals by Scott McDonald and sub Giorgios Samaras (a rare moment of magic by the Greek donkey […]

Little Mickey Owen missed several good chances to score on his Man Utd home debut, in last night’s friendly against Valencia. And in front of Fabio Capello too. At least Owen has Fergie in his corrner now: “He could have scored four, should have scored four,” United’s manager said after the game. “But his movement […]

As if the poor old corner flag doesn’t already take enough punishment (from the likes of Tim Cahill), now some Dutch player comes along and uproots it. Ja, screw de cornervlag! Good to see that Schteve McClaren saw the funny side, although I bet last night’s Champions League exit wiped the smile off his face: […]

People often bemoan the lack of genuine hardmen in football today, but to be fair to modern players, every time they play there are 25 cameras following their every move. Plus football has become, if not a non-contact sport, then very much weighted towards the attackers. Small wonder that villains like Ron “Chopper” Harris, Tommy […]

Ah, so now we know why Jozy Altidore is in England. This just in from Jozy’s Twitter feed: So much for being discreet! Hull City’s first Premier League match this season is at Chelsea on 15 August. Therefore I conclude that Altidore is about to announce a move to the Tigers. (Chelsea play Man Utd […]

An anxious-looking Xabi Alonso gives the thumbs-up, reluctantly, during the traditional “medical ritual” that Real Madrid puts its new players through. It’s like a sort of hazing. Perhaps Xabi was worried that the doctor would discover his ginger pubes? [@ Off the Post] MORE XABI How much is Rafa Benitez to blame for the departure […]

Jozy Altidore is in England. How do we know? He’s said as much on his Twitter profile: What does this mean? Putting 2+2 together, it obviously means that he’s in England because he’s set for a move from Villarreal to the Premier League. Clubs who might sign the young American: Hull City, Everton, Fulham, Burnley. […]