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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Gooch Onyewu enjoys the spoils after the USA’s amazing win over Spain A potted match report: USA took their chances, Gooch defended like a Minotaur (when he’s on his game, he’s close to unbeatable) and Spain looked absolutely knackered. Congrats to the States, who will play either Brazil or hosts South Africa in the final. […]

After spending much of last summer talking out of turn about a possible transfer to Milan, it seems Emmanuel Adebayor has learned absolutely nothing. The player’s agent, Stephane Courbis, has been mouthing off again, on his client’s behalf. In an interview with Calciomercato.it, Courbis talked about Adebayor’s future: “As of today, I have not even […]

Eastville for Entertainment! Holy smokes, football has changed a lot in the last 35 years – if you showed this clip to C-Ron, he wouldn’t recognise it as football. Watch out for the cheeky scamps who try to trip up their own players using scarves, the heavy landing by one parachutist, and one of the […]

One is a striker for the US national team (he scored the opener against Egypt at the Confed Cup), the other is a B-list actor who starred in Crash and Iron Man. They could be brothers. Almost. Got a lookalike (must be a bit shit) for Pies? Email us with your suggestion.

Chelsea’s billionaire owner, Roman Abramovich, has just bought a £288m yacht, with built-in missile defence system. He could have got almost four Cristiano Ronaldos for that. Except… C-Ron would never have signed for Chelsea. I wouldn’t be surprised if Roman bought the yacht to cheer himself up, because he must feel like every star player he […]

Since the season ended and the transfer silly season began, Pies has been asking club fans to vote for the last player at the club they would want to get rid of. Today it’s the turn of Rafa Benitez’s Liverpool. If you had to sell all but one of the Fat Waiter’s players (to build […]

“Kaka? Music? He will only listen to the Backstreet Boys!” Robinho provides you with your quote of the day. Looks like we’ve found something wrong with Mr Perfect, at last.

Impressive ball control by the seal-like Brazilian. Pointless, but impressive. [Spotted @ 101GreatGoals]

The opening round of group games continues with a couple of peaches… Nemanja Vidic v Didier Drogba (Group G) They should put this match-up in a caged “Octagon”. I’d pay to see that. But you’re not voting on who’s the hardest (I take Vidic, every time; The Drog is all bark and no bite), you’re […]

West Ham’s most powerful fan, Barack Obama, is set to accept an invitation to attend the opening ceremony of the 2010 World Cup. The President is a self-proclaimed “soccer” fan - he’s publicly backed the States’ bid to host the World Cup in either 2018 or 2022. “He accepted [the invite],” a proud Sepp Blatter said […]

This leaked image of Man Utd’s new home shirt, complete with black “V” (an integral part of Nike’s new sportswear range) has been doing the internet rounds for a few weeks now. Many fans cried fake, but the release of a couple of genuine teaser images prove that the above image was not a fake. […]

Arsenal could really use Felipe Melo. The 25-year-old Brazilian had a great season with Fiorentina in 08/09, and he’s playing well for his country right now at the Confederations Cup (he scored against the USA). Melo is the perfect type of player to protect Cesc Fabregas at the heart of Arsenal’s midfield. He reminds me […]

Possibly fake but the keeper’s body language suggests otherwise. See also: Goal celebration diver misses the target The gayest goal celebration ever?

I didn’t think Newcastle Utd could do anything more to shore up their status as the biggest laughing stock in British football, but then I didn’t count on their new away kit, which is frankly hilarious/eye-burningly vile. Two shades of yellow? Mmmm, delicious. Someone at Adidas obviously has a wicked sense of humour, especially given […]

Angry Scousers attacked three RBS branches in the early hours of this morning in protest against the bank’s decision to refinance the £300m+ loan taken out by the club’s owners, Tom Hicks and George Gillett. The doors of Liverpool’s main RBS branch on Dale Street were padlocked, while homemade posters reading “No to refinancing” were […]

Chringle, the undisputed king of reader-nominated Shit Lookalikes, is back in town and he hasn’t lost his magic touch. More Chringle classics: Peter Crouch and the Special K logo Mikel Arteta and Scott Baio Sulley Muntari and a puffer fish (a personal favourite) Jimmy Bullard and Boni from kids’ TV show Trapdoor Think you can […]

After a wee break, the Best Player in the World World Cup is back. We kick off again with the opening ties in Group F. First up, an all-Prem, all-midfield tie: Chelsea’s Frank Lampard takes on Liverpool’s Javier Mascherano. A tough one for Lampsy, this…

Football scenes you won’t see in 09/10, No.1532 The enforced loss of Martin Laursen was regrettable. The same goes for the departure of Gareth Barry. But the loss of Ashley Young (who you voted overwhelmingly as Villa’s most indispensable player) would be nothing short of disastrous for Martin O’Neill and co. Marca, amongst other sources, […]

Nothing burns calories like fear. [@ Funny Or Die] Vinnie is scary but does he make it into in Pies’ Top 50 Scariest Footballers?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again here: Carlos Tevez is not world-class. He’s a very good footballer who is more than good enough to cut it at the highest level, but he is not world-class. He is not as good as Cristiano Ronaldo or Lionel Messi. He is not even as good […]

After two comprehensive defeats, the US needed a six-goal swing to reach the Confed semis. But, against Godzilla-sized odds and with a lot of help from Brazil, Bob Bradley’s team dominated a frankly pathetic Egypt to win 3-0 (it should have been more). Fulham’s Clint Dempsey scored America’s third goal, from a cross by West […]

Shazam! This goal won the match for Bahrain in their recent World Cup qualifier against Uzbekistan. A strike fit to win any game, even one against Uzbekistan.

“If you look at our squad and Real Madrid’s squad, even with Ronaldo and Kaka there, which one would you rather have? “I know which one I’d rather have, all day long, and that’s without us even ­buying anyone new. Our squad is far stronger. I don’t think our squad lacks anything. We certainly don’t […]

As many of you may know, since the season ended and the transfer silly season began, Pies has been asking club fans to vote for the last player at the club they would want to get rid of. Today it’s the turn of Gentleman Woy Hodgson’s Fulham. If you had to sell all but one […]

Against Arsene Wenger’s wishes, but with the backing of Fabio Capello (no one messes with Capello), Stuart Pearce took Theo Walcott to Sweden for the U21 Euros. So you’d think Psycho would play Walcott form the start for England’s key group game against Spain, even though the Arsenal youngster had a disappointing game against Finland. […]